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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

I will never forget when my dad had a guy from Verizon call me in middle school to tell me that I was using more data than Obama and that I need to stop.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

So annoying when your family knocks on the toilet door and asks what you’re doing. I’m baking a cake. HBU?

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

Started the year single. Ending the year single. Consistency is key.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

3 friends is enough. 1 for the movie theater, 1 for drinks and apps, 1 for texting concerning mental health information.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

The best way to contact me is to meet me in my dreams at 3 a.m.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat. It’s watching what other people eat.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

The feminine urge to act clueless while knowing everything.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

My car spider built a web across my steering wheel and now I can’t go anywhere.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

Sometimes you show up to work, and they just torture you for hours.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Jan 6, 2026

3,292

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

“Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)” is now 40 years old. If you have an earworm now, you also have back pain.

Live now on Pinterest:

Hit my coworker with “you’re a lucky man” after I saw a picture of his wife just to let him know that I want to sleep with her.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Went on a date with a guy who didn’t ask me any questions about myself, so it’s on him when he finds out about my husband.

Just landed via WeChat:

I like winter because I fundamentally understand I deserve to suffer.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Grandmas be like: Imma stay for a few days and reset your children back to factory settings.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

If I’m giving you attention, feel blessed. My real passion is ignoring people.

Trending via Slack:

Memes are the most information-dense form of communication.

Live now on Telegram:

You don’t do laundry once a week. You do it constantly, endlessly, forever—until you die.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I’m a kid at heart and a senior citizen at my knees and back.

Trending via Snapchat:

My bed is from Ikea, so it’s more unstable than i am.

My stress stresses me out to the point where I’m too stressed to deal with my stress.

2 months ago

0

My stress stresses me out to the point where I’m too stressed to deal with my stress.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the vicious cycle of stress! It's like stressing about stressing – stress-ception! 🌀 Just when you think you've got it under control, stress pops up to say 'Surprise!' 🤯 Don't stress about stressing about stress…or do you? 🤔 Let's find some stress relief for your stressed-out stress! 💆‍♂️"

anxiety, coping, health, humor, me, mental, mental health, overwhelmed, point, self-care, stress

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Get off the internet and go sniff a flower.

0

2 months ago

activity, advice, flower, fun, fun activity, humor, internet, nature
One time, when I was a kid, I fell off my bike and hit my head so hard, I was briefly able to communicate with bees.

0

2 months ago

able, bee, bike, childhood, communicate, fall, hard, head, hit, i, kid, time
I’m currently trying not to read anything about carbohydrates after 4pm.

0

2 months ago

after, anything, carbohydrate, diet, evening, food, humor, lifestyle, read, reading, self-discipline, trying
Everybody’s back hurts until it’s time to have sexy time.

0

2 months ago

activity, back, fun, hurts, relationship, sexy, time
Sometimes I wonder if the plot ever gets tired of being twisted.

0

2 months ago

being, ever, humor, humor quote, i, joke, plot, sarcasm, sometimes, storytelling, tired, twist, twisted, witty, wonder
Sorry I’m late, there was bubble wrap.

0

2 months ago

bubble, bubble wrap, excuse, funny moment, humor, late, moment, procrastination, sorry, wrap

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

83 shares on Slack this month:

The quickest way to double your money is to hold it in front of a mirror.

34 shares on Twitch this month:

Elevator rides in real life: 30 seconds long. Elevator rides in movies: Two minutes long.

55 shares on Snapchat this month:

People who work in customer service should be allowed to fight one customer a day. Two on Fridays.

49 shares on Messenger this month:

At the age where a big break could mean either my career or a hip.

89 shares on Discord this month:

Sometimes I rock it as a parent, other times I drop my phone on my sleeping child while taking a picture of it. It’s called balance.

33 shares on Threads this month:

Nose so runny it just signed me up for a 10k.

15 shares on Twitch this month:

I love when kids tell me what they want to be when they grow up, because I’m still looking for ideas.

97 shares on Facebook this month:

Don’t ask me for work advice, I’m just going to tell you to quit your job.

49 shares on Discord this month:

Why do women complain about size but moan when fingered?

48 shares on Telegram this month:

Never say never. Unless someone asks you when you want to go camping. Then the right answer is always “Never.”

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Vote for me and I’ll remove all the calories from cheese.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I would love to go back to the days when the biggest stress was finding the best hiding place when playing hide and seek.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Your twenties are for destroying and betraying yourself for nothing.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone’s an empath until I need to borrow some cash.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m sick of the Microsoft Authenticator. Like, who would be logging in to do my work?

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I didn’t really feel old until my doctor hit me with the “at your age…”

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Valentine’s Day is a stupid and made up holiday unless someone wants to give me a present in which case I really believe in celebrating it.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

In my experience, bowling and pancakes have the same energy. High hopes at the beginning, lowered self-esteem at the end.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

How many calories do you burn waiting to hear back?

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t really explain it but cereal at night tastes better than cereal in the morning.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,277

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

I would like even faster food.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

I won $6 on a scratch-off last night. Out of my way, peasants!

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

I have the bruises of a much more active person.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

When you are a leg-bouncer and someone asks you to stop, it’s like they’re asking you to stop your own heart.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomachs?

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

The problem with hiding snacks from my kid is that when I forget, they end up being hidden from me too.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

At my age, you check a friend’s Facebook page to make sure they’re still alive before wishing them a happy birthday.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you’re drunk. Ducks don’t talk.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

Good morning to everyone except the people who are missing the ability to read the room.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re always sleepy unless you’re trying to get to sleep.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

You can be having the nicest day and then you have to print something and you know your day is about to fall apart real fast.

Going viral on Twitch:

Making fun of bands that only play 3 chords when I don’t even know what a chord is.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

My favorite game is guessing if my headache is due to dehydration, migraine, malnutrition, stress, lack of sleep, poor posture, or a brain tumor.

Just landed via Twitch:

They should invent a day where I don’t think.

Trending via X:

Yes officer, I’d like to file a restraining order against my dentist’s appointment reminder system.

Trending via X:

Any time I throw up, I stare at it like I’m getting a message from the past.

Just shared via Slack:

Just heard my knee crack so loud I expected it to glow in the dark.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I’m having a bad day. Please send super-cute pics of your credit cards to cheer me up.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Don’t drink to forget me, you’ll end up seeing me double.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Lazy Rule: Can’t reach it, don’t need it.

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