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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

At bedtime, I ceremonially move the claw clip from my hair to the bag of chips, signifying the end of the day.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Girls be like, “I hate this man,” then have sex with him.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Female breasts are nature’s anti-stress balls. The irony is that they are connected to the biggest stress-inducing device.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

Please don’t take illegal substances. Or at least, don’t take MY illegal substances.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

Time travel is all well and good, but I feel so stupid right now. None of them have the mustache. No way to tell which baby is Hitler.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

Google Maps should not count towards my screen time. I’m not addicted to my phone, I’m disoriented.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

It’s not magic, but I bet you are reading this post with one leg on top of the other.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,833

Funny Quotes Topics

17,014

Funny Quotes Images

14,833

Updated

Dec 9, 2025

Users Online

3,879

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

Not to brag, but I was unhinged way before it was cool.

Making waves on TikTok:

As I’m cleaning my room, this is a friendly reminder that you actually don’t need that free t-shirt or tote bag from that event.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Alcohol is a vicious cycle: regret, recovery, repeat.

Seen just now on Messenger:

My mom be cutting up fruit and bringing it to me in my room without saying nothing. That’s when it hits me, nobody ever gonna love me this much.

Spotted on Discord:

I hate hotel bath towels. So thick and fluffy, I can’t even close my suitcase.

Just shared via Reddit:

Hey! Remember in the first grade when we were all just chilling and then some kid would throw up out of nowhere?

Breaking via WeChat:

You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

My tapeworm is starting a podcast about the McRib.

4 months ago

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Commentary:
Can't wait for the episodes on 'digestive drama' and 'McMysteries' 🍔🎙️🪱

fast, fast food, food, humor, McRib, parasite, podcast, starting, tapeworm

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Sorry for having no idea what the hell I am doing. It will happen again.

4 weeks ago

again, am, apology, clueless, confession, doing, happen, having, hell, honesty, humor, i, idea, repetition, self-awareness, sorry
When people suck the life out of you, they should take some fat too.

4 weeks ago

drain, energy, energy drain, fat, fatigue, humor, humor quote, life, motivation, people, sarcasm, self-care, should, suck, take, too, witty
Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.

1 month ago

advice, conversation, drinking, drunk, humor, i, intoxication, irony, listen, self-reflection, self-talk, stop, talking, tell
Who called it America and not the fast food and the furious?

1 month ago

America, comedy, fast, fast food, food, furious, humor, movie, wordplay
Them: OMG, I haven’t seen you in so long. Me: Yeah, that was on purpose.

1 month ago

avoidance, conversation, friends, funny response, humor, i, long time, me, purpose, response, seen, social, time
If your problem can’t be fixed by coffee, tequila or sex then I’m out of advice.

1 month ago

advice, coffee, escapism, humor, problem, relaxation, sex, solutions, tequila

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

“Quit” is not in my vocabulary but “resign”, “drop out”, and “give up” are.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

Long distance relationships can work if the four of you all truly trust each other.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

You should be allowed to call out of work if you have a really bad nightmare.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

Being silly is very important for my mental health.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

Elliott didn’t care about E.T. He just wanted a flying bike.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

And then there are people who can only sleep on their back because their pea brain could slip out of their ear if they lie on their side.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

As long as you don’t ever give them your real name, they can’t accuse you of not keeping the mystery alive in your relationship.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

In England “booster shot” is spelled “borchestershire shot”.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Doggystyle, so we can both look at the river.

Going viral on Messenger:

Once again I feel like I slept in a washing machine.

Just shared via Reddit:

Flex on strangers by asking them if they remember you.

Going viral on Messenger:

The Internet is fun because you can post about banana bread and somehow end up in a fight.

Seen just now on X:

Dinosaurs are always described as “roaming” the earth, which is patronizing as hell, I bet they had places to go and important shit to do.

Just shared via Instagram:

My funeral better have a bloody merch table.

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Activity Log ✨

My tapeworm is starting a podcast about the McRib.

Sorry for having no idea what the hell I am doing. It will happen again.

When people suck the life out of you, they should take some fat too.

Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.

Who called it America and not the fast food and the furious?

If your problem can’t be fixed by coffee, tequila or sex then I’m out of advice.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

House sitting for friends while they’re out of town. Never knew my buddy kept a diary.

I’m so bored, I’m gonna join a poly-relationship and stage a coup and kick the main one out.

The best thing about living with my parents is being woken up four minutes before my alarm to be told my alarm is about to go off.

I’m at an age where, when I’m tying my shoes, I think about what else I can do while I’m down here.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I wish rage burned calories. I would be so skinny.

Life is really sucking the life out of me.

Just blocked all the normal people, so if you see this… sup, weirdo.

Why are plane tickets so expensive? You’re going that way anyway, just give me a ride.

“Just be yourself”—that has gotten me mixed results in the past.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

It’s so foggy outside. Y’all gotta stop vaping.

My husband cleaned the kitchen for the first time in years. He’s in the living room, dressed in a suit, waiting for the award ceremony to commence.

An internship is only unpaid if you don’t steal enough.

My friend says to me, “What rhymes with orange?” And I told him, “No, it doesn’t.”

Crossing my fingers one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

My sweatpants sat me down and said they want me to get an office job again.

Waving at the end of every Zoom call like it’s the 1800s and a big steamship is leaving the harbor.

Never feel bad when people roll their eyes while you talk to them. They’re just looking for their brain.

How is rent for 28 days the same amount as for 31 days? Where is my change?

Happy to report that “what time is it/time for you to get a watch” is still being used by the youths.

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My tapeworm is starting a podcast about the McRib.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Sorry for having no idea what the hell I am doing. It will happen again.

When people suck the life out of you, they should take some fat too.

Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.

Who called it America and not the fast food and the furious?

Them: OMG, I haven’t seen you in so long. Me: Yeah, that was on purpose.

If your problem can’t be fixed by coffee, tequila or sex then I’m out of advice.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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