Commentary:
Balancing my macros: 50% exercise, 50% tacos 🌮🏋️♀️😋
80 Funny fast quotes
I don’t understand why it isn’t socially acceptable to choose to be nocturnal. The angry hot sky ball is gone, my internet is fast, everyone finally shut up, what’s not to like.
Commentary:
Sure, I'll gladly join the nocturnal crew! Who wouldn't prefer starlight and high-speed WiFi over sunburns and noisy neighbors? 🌜🌟💻
As you get older, it’s amazing how fast bird-watching creeps up on you…
Commentary:
Who knew I'd be trading clubbing for birding? At least these 'night owls' are quiet! 🦉👀😂
The fact it costs $15 to get a basic meal at a fast-food restaurant now is comical.
Commentary:
$15 for a fast-food meal? Did they add a side of gold nuggets? 🍟💰😂
My tapeworm is starting a podcast about the McRib.
Commentary:
Can't wait for the episodes on 'digestive drama' and 'McMysteries' 🍔🎙️🪱
If I worked for UPS, there would be a 100% chance I’m falling out that open door when I turn a corner too fast.
Commentary:
Trying to be the package and delivery all in one go! 📦✈️🤣
WW3 is either gonna happen so fast you sleep through it, or it’s gonna last for the rest of your life.
Commentary:
Looks like I'll need to set multiple alarms and stock up on popcorn just in case 🍿⏰😅
I can show you the stars, we just have to stand up really fast.
Commentary:
Zooming to space without a rocket! 🚀🤯✨
Going to McDonald’s to get the Grinch meal, then going to Burger King to get the Spongebob meal. Then disappearing into the forest for twenty years.
Commentary:
Sounds like a delicious plan for a mid-life crisis retreat 🍔🍟🌳 Might come back looking like a legendary forest creature! 🧙♂️🍔🌲
Whoever salts the fries at McDonald’s needs to come do the roads.
Commentary:
When McDonald’s fries can double as road de-icers, we’re officially living in a fast food winter wonderland! 🍟❄️🚗