Commentary:
Feeling celestial with my own personal light show and eclipses every time I stand up too quickly! 🌌🤯✨
82 Funny fast quotes
You gotta leave them nothingburgers alone, and come date a Burger King.
Commentary:
When you're ready to upgrade from "meh" to "all hail the king" in the dating menu 🍔👑
“A healthy lifestyle is all about balance,” I say as I drive through Taco Bell after working out.
Commentary:
Balancing my macros: 50% exercise, 50% tacos 🌮🏋️♀️😋
I don’t understand why it isn’t socially acceptable to choose to be nocturnal. The angry hot sky ball is gone, my internet is fast, everyone finally shut up, what’s not to like.
Commentary:
Sure, I'll gladly join the nocturnal crew! Who wouldn't prefer starlight and high-speed WiFi over sunburns and noisy neighbors? 🌜🌟💻
As you get older, it’s amazing how fast bird-watching creeps up on you…
Commentary:
Who knew I'd be trading clubbing for birding? At least these 'night owls' are quiet! 🦉👀😂
The fact it costs $15 to get a basic meal at a fast-food restaurant now is comical.
Commentary:
$15 for a fast-food meal? Did they add a side of gold nuggets? 🍟💰😂
My tapeworm is starting a podcast about the McRib.
Commentary:
Can't wait for the episodes on 'digestive drama' and 'McMysteries' 🍔🎙️🪱
If I worked for UPS, there would be a 100% chance I’m falling out that open door when I turn a corner too fast.
Commentary:
Trying to be the package and delivery all in one go! 📦✈️🤣
WW3 is either gonna happen so fast you sleep through it, or it’s gonna last for the rest of your life.
Commentary:
Looks like I'll need to set multiple alarms and stock up on popcorn just in case 🍿⏰😅
I can show you the stars, we just have to stand up really fast.
Commentary:
Zooming to space without a rocket! 🚀🤯✨