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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

I miss the days when our biggest argument was whether West Coast or East Coast rap was better.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

Toddlers are like puppies, they don’t care if they’re dirty and smelly and they both have an affinity exploring the trash bin.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

Having a car is crazy cause you gotta take it to the car doctor.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Normalize saying, “I’m not informed enough to have an opinion on the matter.”

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

Every time I think I’m cooked, God moves mountains for me. That’s so nice of Him.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

Even when I look up the slang of today’s kids, I still have no idea what it means.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

If you stare at your face in the back of a spoon you look a lot like someone who doesn’t know how to use cutlery.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

What no one tells you about having kids is that within a few years you’re in possession of a lot of teeth that you have no idea what to do with.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

Massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost, and that shut the conversation down pretty quick.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

Giant-sized bag of candy: I’m resealable. Me: That won’t be necessary.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Jan 7, 2026

3,571

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Facebook:

On one hand, it’s terrible to not have access to the Internet, but on the other hand, it’s terrible to have access to the Internet.

Going viral on YouTube:

Forget the alarm clock. Just give me the smell of bacon and coffee.

Trending via Messenger:

If I were a higher power, and people were doing evil in my name, I’d probably stop it … but that’s just me.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I love when my brain cells kiss and I have an idea.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I’d log off, but I get so tired of hearing myself talk.

Making waves on TikTok:

I’d be less aggressive in the morning if I could drive to work in a tank.

Making waves on WeChat:

If you ever need me, I’m always just a couple missed calls and text messages away.

Just landed via Discord:

I’m sorry I said “I look forward to working with you” during our wedding vows.

Just shared via TikTok:

My cat’s in a bad mood, despite eating and sleeping all day.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

If I would’ve known that you were going to ask me what I was thinking, I wouldn’t have been thinking what I was thinking.

Naps are like gambling for the tired. You either wake up refreshed or too late to lots of angry texts.

2 months ago

0

Naps are like gambling for the tired. You either wake up refreshed or too late to lots of angry texts.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Taking a nap is like playing sleep roulette 🎲💤 Will you wake up rejuvenated and ready to conquer the world, or find yourself in a panic surrounded by angry messages? It's a risky game, but oh so tempting! Proceed with caution and maybe set an extra loud alarm just in case 😉⏰"

angry, angry text, gambling, humor, late, nap, naps, refreshed, sleep, text, texts, timing, tired, too, wake

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Toddlers will take your last nerve, deep fry it and eat it for breakfast.

0

2 months ago

breakfast, deep, deep fry, eat, exhaustion, fry, humor, last, last nerve, nerve, parenting, take, toddler
Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.

0

2 months ago

achievement, broke, consecutive, days, humor, i, life, most, personal, record, today
Some people come into your life to remind you why you don’t wanna let anyone into your life.

0

5 months ago

anyone, humor, interaction, let, life, people, relationship, remind, sarcasm, social, social interaction, trust, warning, why
“Stand up for yourself!” Girl, I have low iron.

0

2 months ago

girl, health, humor, i, iron, low, low iron, self-advocacy, stand, stand-up, yourself
I’ve tasted being the bigger person, I’ve also tasted matching energy. I recommend no contact.

0

2 months ago

advice, being, bigger, bigger person, contact, energy, humor, i, matching, matching energy, no contact, person, recommend, relationship
The only way the climate is going to change is if it first admits it has a problem, there’s really nothing we can do.

0

2 months ago

admit, change, climate, environment, going, humor, irony, issue, nothing, problem, solution

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

52 shares on Messenger this month:

Some people are like wallpaper… same pattern repeating every time.

20 shares on Messenger this month:

Everyone who got my kids board games for Christmas, when are you coming back to play with them?

84 shares on WeChat this month:

I have poor night vision so I upgraded to LED headlights because it’s important to me to ensure nobody else can see either.

16 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m doing well at accomplishing nothing today and I’m very proud of myself.

79 shares on WeChat this month:

I think my bank account has been taking Ozempic.

69 shares on YouTube this month:

I just be giggling, then start thinking about bills and remember ain’t nothing funny.

91 shares on Twitch this month:

My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello.” My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact and hope it goes away.

47 shares on X this month:

Welcome to Twitter, where everyone is an expert on everything.

86 shares on Instagram this month:

When I was a kid, I never expected the future to suck this much.

40 shares on Facebook this month:

Girls are perverts when they like you.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Finally it’s Friday and I can go out. I’m putting the garbage out and I’ll be right back.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

No one tells you that the older you get, the more often you check your weather app.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Hello, hi. Don’t invite me anywhere until next year. The money is finished. Regards.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

My advice to young people to prepare for getting older is to start stretching immediately.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

If reports from this daisy are accurate, she loves me not.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The best part of being a bomb technician is that you can never have a bad day at work. The worst part of being a bomb technician is that you can never have a bad day at work.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re ever intimidated by someone just imagine them opening a Capri Sun.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I want a hot body, but I also want hot wings.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s an unwritten rule: if you need something and it’s available at your mom’s house, it’s yours.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,497

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

I told my wife to embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

I don’t need your flipping advice, I am capable of ruining my life on my own.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

The length of a LinkedIn Post is directly proportional to the amount of bullshit in it.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

I love how we didn’t raise the minimum wage because it would make food more expensive, but then just made the food more expensive anyway.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

I heard you like bad boys. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

Do you ever eat a properly salted meal and suddenly understand why the ancient Romans were willing to be paid in salt?

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Imagine if you spent all your time studying, actually studying.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

My workout goals are simple: I’d just like to be able to get up off the floor without looking like a turtle trying to flip itself back over.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

She was rare. Like a parking spot in the front row on a rainy day.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Mondays have a black belt in psychological warfare.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

Peloton guy yelling “two more, one more” but it’s me eating Cheetos.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Just got diagnosed with needing a hot chocolate with extra marshmallows.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

“I’ll worry about it next time.” Me pissing off future me.

Trending via Pinterest:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re always sleepy unless you’re trying to get to sleep.

Trending via Facebook:

Stop giving kids Bible names but no Bible lessons. Moses tried to rob me last night.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I’m sorry I said “Awooga” when you took off your clothes. Do you still want to have sexy time?

Just landed via Messenger:

You know when you have so much to do that you just sit down and do nothing?

Making waves on Twitch:

The real flex is becoming the woman he cannot run back to.

Trending via Discord:

They should make statues of regular people, like you’re walking through the park and there’s a statue of your friend Jeff.

Trending via Reddit:

I heard you like bad boys. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

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