Trendy Funny Quotes

  • I keep my eyes in great shape by rolling them constantly.
  • I don’t always leave the house, but when I do, I shouldn’t.
  • Need to shave my legs again. Blow-drying takes far too long.
  • Just flipped my mattress, should have woken up my wife first.
  • A foghorn but for people who can’t see through their own bullshit.
  • Some people have goals based on a summer body. Mine revolve entirely around the weight limit of my beach chairs.