People need to understand the difference between want and need. Like, I want abs, but I need chocolate.

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It’s important to listen to both sides of the debate because you need to hear both the reality of the situation and also the dumbest thing anyone’s ever said.

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One does not simply become a master of karate. First, you must accidentally walk into a spider web.

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Congratulations to the people who never took their Christmas decorations down. You’re almost there.

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Partying hard on this Friday night, and by partying hard, I mean laying on my bed starfish-style.

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I’m currently trying not to read anything about carbohydrates after 4pm.

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Our childhood photos might be ugly but those smiles were definitely not fake.

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You can be having the nicest day and then you have to print something and you know your day is about to fall apart real fast.

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There should be bloopers at the end of horror movies, so it relaxes you before bedtime.

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Tom and Jerry fooled me into thinking dogs bullied cats when it’s the opposite in reality.

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They should remove the sex scenes from movies and then put them all into one big super sex scene movie they can show in theaters at the end of the year.