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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

I bet my calculator app wrapped would be pretty shameful.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

I thought you are the sunshine of my life, but you are just a meteor trying to destroy my world.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Coffee is just goth water.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Asking the waiter for her phone number and then texting her “can I have more coffee?” two minutes later.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

The universe clearly isn’t working as it should so someone should turn it off and back on again.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

According to the amount of bacon I just cooked. I’m a family of 8.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

No one told me adulthood would require this much multi-factor authentication.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

They need to increase life expectancy so I can squeeze in another mid-life crisis.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

I was always told to eat all my food so that I’d grow to be big and strong. When exactly does the strong part kick in?

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

The older I get, the more I lose my looks. But I’m also losing my eyesight, so it’s not my problem.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

790 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,952

Funny Quotes Topics

13,923

Funny Quotes Images

10,952

19 minutes ago

3,430

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WeChat:

This quote is invisible. Only people who masturbate a lot can read it.

Just landed via Reddit:

Being an adult is crazy. Because what the hell is going on?

Trending via Reddit:

Trying to carry a pet to bed is like moving a dense liquid that’s annoyed by you.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I don’t know why everyone wants love like in the movies. A movie is only 2 hours.

Trending via Twitch:

Always remember, if you ever need me, I’m just several phone calls and unread texts away.

Going viral on Telegram:

I’m not into casual sex. Send me a résumé.

Seen just now on Reddit:

That stupid look on my face is my face.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Pro tip: Invest in pasta companies. Worth every penne.

Reported on X:

Trying to spend less time on my phone so I can get back to something I’ve loved since childhood: watching TV.

Trending via X:

If I were a category, I’d be “miscellaneous.”

Maybe the wolf from The Neverending Story still has nightmares about me, too.

6 months ago

Maybe the wolf from The Neverending Story still has nightmares about me, too.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the timeless feud between humans and storybook wolves continues! 🐺📚 Bet that wolf wishes they had a therapist on speed dial for those lingering nightmares about you. Just imagine the therapy sessions: 'So, Mr. Wolf, tell me more about this pesky human from The Neverending Story…' 😂"

character, childhood, fantasy, humor, imagination, me, neverending, Neverending Story, nightmares, still, story, wolf

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

790 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,952

Funny Quotes Topics

13,923

Funny Quotes Images

10,952

19 minutes ago

3,418

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

Whoever said it was okay to let your pets sleep in your bed, thanks a lot, now my goldfish is dead.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

Daylight savings is just a made up holiday to sell more daylight.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

It’s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a Like.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Dancing alone in your home is its own kind of therapy.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Looking to sell my DeLorean. Great shape, low mileage. Only driven from time to time.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Be warned: I’m bored. This could get dangerous.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

First caveman to see fire: Well, this is a buncha bullshit that no one needs (stomps it out) and I predict that’s the last I’ll ever see of that.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Monday: The only day when you can wear the same outfit from the day before without anyone noticing.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

I’ve started eating healthier and exercising if you’re wondering why I’m in such a crappy mood all of a sudden.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

My signature move is to tell men that I can’t hear them because I have my headphones in when I quite visibly don’t have headphones in.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Slack:

Nobody supports you like that one internet friend you’ve never met.

Trending via Reddit:

But are we sure that stomachs are meant to be flat?

Just shared via WeChat:

Absolutely no reason for a single guy to be in a sunflower field. Get out of there, pervert!

Live now on Twitch:

To the spirits in my walls: going to the store, be right back.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

That one British friend that’s too bloke.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I am an influencer. If you aren’t influenced in any way, that is on you. Do better.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I tell my kids winning isn’t everything and then I steal money from the monopoly bank.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

One thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m dumb.

Live now on Messenger:

Sex is cool but have you ever had a king size bed all to yourself.

Just shared via Discord:

I find it hard to believe I used to just answer my phone when it rang. No caller ID. No idea who was calling. Just picked it up and said “hello” like a goddam daredevil.

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