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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Every girl has a dude in her inbox talking to himself.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Being offline for so long gave me the time to appreciate what’s really important in life, so I’m back online.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

“I’m just a girl!” No, you are a monster.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

NFTs were less about the money and more about the friends you scammed along the way.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

They say that 50 is the new 40, but these traffic police are having none of it.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

If porn damages your brain, and writing develops your brain, does writing porn even it out?

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

Opening up to people is a scam. Don’t do it.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Going to IKEA if anyone needs some meatballs.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

My dental plan is, “I guess I’ll just chew on this side of my mouth from now on.”

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Boobs always win. That’s why we don’t play rock, paper, boobs.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

297 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,566

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,566

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,721

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Messenger:

Look, babe, I’m sorry. If your fake British accent keeps being this geographically inconsistent, I’m going to have to cancel the medieval roleplay sex.

Live now on Telegram:

Breaking news: Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake.

Just shared via WeChat:

Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?

Spotted on Pinterest:

I tried a onesome before, but I started catching feelings.

Spotted on Facebook:

My favorite color is sunshine.

Spotted on TikTok:

August is technically summer, but spiritually fall.

Making waves on Telegram:

Newborns cry because they’re being evicted.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Perhaps an evening in the meditation cage will soothe you.

Seen just now on Threads:

The feminine urge to start a coven.

Going viral on X:

Messed up and threw a surprise party for my minimalist friend. Now 25 of us are hiding behind the granite orb.

People pleasers aren’t kind. They’re afraid.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trying to please everyone is like trying to hug a cactus—you're just going to end up in a prickly situation! 🌵😅

afraid, behavior, emotion, fear, kind, kindness, people, people pleaser, personality, pleaser, social, social behavior

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My ex said I had commitment issues but this giant jar of Nutella says otherwise.

2 months ago

commitment, ex, food, giant, humor, i, issues, jar, joke, Nutella, relationship
I’m gonna put “CEO of Blockbuster Video” on my resume because who are they gonna call to confirm?

2 months ago

Blockbuster, call, CEO, confirm, humor, job, job title, joke, nostalgia, put, resume, store, title, video, video store
I’m upstairs and the food is downstairs. Send help.

2 months ago

dilemma, downstairs, food, funny situation, help, hunger, rescue, send, situation, upstairs
Welcome to adulthood: you’re always sleepy unless you’re trying to get to sleep.

2 months ago

adulthood, always, humor, irony, life, sleep, sleepy, struggle, tiredness, trying, welcome
Actually, no one sees you at your worst like your coworkers do.

4 months ago

actually, coworker, coworkers, humor, office, relationship, workplace, worst
I heard time is money, so I quit my job. Now I have lots of time!

2 months ago

freedom, humor, i, irony, job, leisure, life, money, quit, time, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on TikTok this month:

I think my boss is delusional; he keeps shaking his head and calls me Jesus Christ.

57 shares on Snapchat this month:

I have this rare skin disease called perfect.

17 shares on X this month:

I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.

100 shares on Pinterest this month:

Oh, that gap on my resume is from when I was the architect of my own hell.

50 shares on Facebook this month:

Imagine buying a new car, and some superhero throws it at an alien.

65 shares on Discord this month:

Asian parents give you unmoanable names so you can focus on your studies.

19 shares on WeChat this month:

Totally forgot my demands now that I’ve strapped this ticking bomb to my chest.

45 shares on Instagram this month:

You should be able to mute someone in real life. Annoying coworker? Silence them for 24 hours by booping them on the nose!

88 shares on Telegram this month:

The world contains protons, neutrons, electrons, and morons.

74 shares on Pinterest this month:

Every night, millions of teeth go unbrushed.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

As soon as the sun comes back out, I want a beer. It’s science.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

I want the job where I push scared skydivers out of planes.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Instagram is just Twitter for people who go outside.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Now that the nights are getting cooler again, spiders often hide in your bed in search of warmth. Sleep well!

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

Can’t think of a single time the MGM lion advanced the plot of the movie in any way. Just needless jump scare.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

The one thing to know about me is I always get the last laugh. And oh yes, it’s maniacal.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

“Some men go months without being hugged.” Okay, then they should just hug each other.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

I love when someone is telling a story and you can tell even from their version that they’re the villain.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

Running to the boarding gate is my favorite workout.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Sometimes your ankle takes a vacation while you’re walking.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Facebook:

Have an early flight tomorrow, so naturally I’m going to stay up late tonight and be weird in my room.

Breaking via Reddit:

People believe that they have brains but maybe that’s just inside their heads.

Live now on Telegram:

I am not old. I am in the prime of my decay.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Extroverts love our energy. That’s why they suck it out of us.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Seems like paleontologists always have a bone to pick.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

My love language is deader than Latin.

Going bananas on Facebook:

I have a yearning disability.

Seen just now on Discord:

How do I even know this guy is my “boss”? I’ve just been taking his word for it.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Nothing guarantees running into someone you know in public better than looking like a feral animal on two hours of sleep.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

IKEA is the swedish word for “relationship meltdown in a public place.”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

People pleasers aren’t kind. They’re afraid.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

My ex said I had commitment issues but this giant jar of Nutella says otherwise.

I’m gonna put “CEO of Blockbuster Video” on my resume because who are they gonna call to confirm?

I’m upstairs and the food is downstairs. Send help.

Welcome to adulthood: you’re always sleepy unless you’re trying to get to sleep.

Actually, no one sees you at your worst like your coworkers do.

I heard time is money, so I quit my job. Now I have lots of time!

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨