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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

Welcome to your 40’s. You now have a favorite vegetable peeler.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

I noticed my mouse problem is back an I yelled at my cats for being lazy and not doing their job, like I was in a Tom and Jerry cartoon.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

I want a man to love me so bad his entire family thinks I did witchcraft on him.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

“You’re at the age where both 1990 and 2003 are flirting with you.”

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

Capri Sun tastes as if scientists had bet that they could make fruit juice without fruit.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

At this point of my celibacy, I can see the same colors as mantis shrimp. What do you know about blorange and gurple?

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Who is praying on my downfall right now and can you stop?

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

My favorite part of socializing is when it’s over.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

My tombstone will read “Hey there, I’m using WhatsApp!”.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

“I’m not falling for that again,” I say, as I’m about to fall for whatever that is again.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Jan 5, 2026

3,526

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

I’ve found that the easiest way to do burpees is to just not do burpees. No pain, no pain.

Freshly posted on X:

Killing with kindness is a murder by compliments.

Spotted on Threads:

What beautiful weather outside. I’m gonna close the curtains.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I told you so. Kind regards, your gut feeling.

Trending via Reddit:

Just give your kids the iPad. They’re the ones who’ll be fighting cyborgs in the future.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I think you are suffering from a lack of vitamin ME.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Sorry, I liked your post one second after you posted it but in my defense, I’ve had my phone in my hand since 2012.

Trending via LinkedIn:

I’m so single right now, I can’t even spell relayshaunship.

Spotted on TikTok:

Too many losers and not enough people telling them they’re losers.

Going bananas on Messenger:

A dating app for people who are way too into cookies, called Crumble.

Porn actresses envy the look on my face when I clean my ear with a cotton bud.

2 months ago

0

Porn actresses envy the look on my face when I clean my ear with a cotton bud.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Move over, Hollywood glamour! I bring the ultimate ear-cleaning drama to the table 😂💁‍♂️ Who needs red carpets when you've got cotton buds, am I right?"

actresses, bud, clean, cotton, cotton bud, ear, envy, face, humor, i, porn

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

A poorly timed two-factor authentication request will be the thing that finally kills me.

0

5 months ago

authentication, frustration, humor, me, poorly, request, security, stress, technology, thing, timing, two-factor, two-factor authentication
Monday: The only day when you can wear the same outfit from the day before without anyone noticing.

0

2 months ago

before, day, fashion, humor, laziness, Monday, outfit, same, unnoticed, wear, workweek
Church should be less preachy and more eat-y.

0

2 months ago

church, eat, food, humor, joke, less, preachy, religion, satire, should
My only chance at a big house in the country is if I become a rescue dog.

0

2 months ago

big, big house, chance, country, dog, house, humor, i, only, rescue
You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

0

2 months ago

drink, great, help, homework, humor, kid, know, math, parenting, struggle, vodka
Halloween is over and most people just keep on being creepy.

0

2 months ago

being, creepy, Halloween, humor, irony, just, keep, over, people, seasonal

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m “I can’t sit like that for too long” years old.

55 shares on WeChat this month:

I am not responsible for what my face does when you talk.

13 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My body is like an elastic band – no matter how I stretch it, it goes back to the nap position.

44 shares on Telegram this month:

The golden rule of three beverages: one to hydrate, one to caffeinate, and one to celebrate.

77 shares on TikTok this month:

You can tell they named the aardvark early in the week and the anteater on a Friday.

39 shares on Twitch this month:

There’s nothing like sitting by an open fire and watching the evidence burn.

66 shares on LinkedIn this month:

We need a true crime show called Downtown Stabby.

14 shares on Telegram this month:

When I was a kid, we weren’t allowed to use our phones in school. Mainly because the cords wouldn’t reach.

13 shares on Threads this month:

Some folks go to college to delay being a bum.

12 shares on Instagram this month:

Figure skating is so niche that sometimes I walk in the rink, and there’s an Olympic medalist there.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

“Stop thinking about it.” Wow, thank you, I am cured. You should write a book.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Please pray for my husband, he’s struggling to find me.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s a disconnect between the decibel level of my car singing and my talent.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Just found out my 84-year-old neighbour is on his own tomorrow, so I’ve just been over to collect his spare chairs to borrow.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

“You’re always sleeping!” God forbid a girl wants to be unconscious.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The idea that wisdom teeth are just some random glitch that God forgot to patch, so now we have to pull them out with modern technology, is retarded.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Oh you won a gold medal at the Olympics? My watch just congratulated me for standing up.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve decided to cut my carbs… into smaller pieces before eating them.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

That moment when you cut into a seedless watermelon and find out it’s only allegedly seedless.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

My sleeping pattern ain’t even a pattern anymore, it’s a freestyle that’s on shuffle.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,603

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

The cool side of the pillow just stole my boyfriend.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

Socks try to be monogamous, but most end up either single or having multiple different partners.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Oh my God, “unc” means uncool. I thought it meant uncle. Like you’re carrying the energy of someone’s weird uncle.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

Achieving AGI by reducing the intelligence of the average human rather than increasing the intelligence of AI.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

After my death, I’ll be very busy. The list of people to whom I want to appear as a ghost is getting longer every day.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

That place is so crowded; nobody goes there anymore.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Hot wings have killed many people starting with a dude named Icarus.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Told a couple of jokes at a Zoom meeting. Turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

Next time I lose my mind I swear I’m not even going to look for it any more.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

An interviewer asked me how well I can perform under pressure; I said I’m much better at Bohemian Rhapsody.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via LinkedIn:

Sailors wish they could swear like me.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Oh, lord. I brought my mouth with me to work today and it’s all sass. Prayers, please.

Spotted on YouTube:

Twitter is the black sheep of the web, always in the corner, loudly arguing with itself.

Just landed via Slack:

Maybe God will gift me a boyfriend for my birthday this year.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

“I could see myself living here,” I said, in a different city for more than 24 hours.

Just landed via Twitch:

So I got a call from a telemarketer, and he said he couldn’t understand me. I told him, “Press 1 for English.”

Just landed via Slack:

With a cat on your lap, you deal better with the crap.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Normalise following up to an ignored email with “helllooooooo?”

Just shared via Instagram:

People on diet aren’t mad at you. They’re mad at their lunch.

Shared recently on Messenger:

The Recipe for Disaster in me, recognizes the Appetite for Destruction in you.

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