Sign at the zoo says “don’t stick your hand in the alligator cage”. Thanks, but I’ll do my own research.

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“Winter is literally the best season.” Okay, husky, go sit outside then.

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Don’t drink to forget me, you’ll end up seeing me double.

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Keeping my mouth shut is usually not enough to avoid an argument with my husband. I also have to deactivate the subtitle function on my face.

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I am staying up till a million o’clock tonight.

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In contrast to the ship, the movie Titanic was quite well received in America.

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The best part of my kid graduating was unsubscribing from the school’s text messages.

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Sometimes the best thing about my job is that my chair turns.

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Age is just a number that you keep off of Facebook after 35.

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I have been putting a lot of thought into it, and I just don’t think being an adult is going to work for me.

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Our house is so messy that if we ever disappeared, the police would have no idea if there were “signs of a struggle”.