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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New funny quotes: 8730 this month

15,818 funny quotes and pics

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Updated: May 24, 2026

 

 

 

 

62 Funny hand quotes

Funny hand quotes 🤲😂 are the perfect way to tickle your funny bone and give a high-five to humor! Whether you’re waving hello to laughter or giving sarcasm a big hand, these witty gems are here to lend a hand in making you smile. From slapstick to clever puns, they’ll have you clapping with joy and maybe even facepalming in amusement! 🙌✨ Get ready to chuckle and share the fun! 😄👏

Be the lemon you want the world to hand to others.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

On the one hand, I’d love to look sexy in a bikini. On the other hand, there’s cake.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Isn’t it weird that we have one hand that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like ‘I don’t know how to hold a pencil.’

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I was at the cemetery when a little kid walked up to me and said she was afraid. I took her hand and told her that I used to be afraid too… when I was alive.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Raise your hand if you’ve ever tried to breathe quieter while walking up a hill so strangers didn’t call 911.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I’m not a very good poker player cause my eyes turn into big dollar signs when I see that I have a good hand.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

“Don’t bite the hand that feeds you!” Maybe just don’t bite hands. Shouldn’t have to qualify it.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

You can count the number of times my wife has agreed with me on one hand, if you don’t have fingers.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Whoever’s been in charge of the weather for the last few weeks seems to have fallen asleep on the couch with the remote control in their hand.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Wiping my hands on my pants before I’m shaking someone’s hand, so they spend the rest of the day wondering what I just touched.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Only a fool would use the toothbrush the dentist gives you. You think the dentist would freely hand you the tools that would keep them away?

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Apologies for the delays. The suitcase smashing machine has broken down, so we’re having to smash suitcases by hand.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

With a lollipop in one hand and a dandelion in the other, concentration is very important, as every summer child knows.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

On one hand, it’s terrible to not have access to the Internet, but on the other hand, it’s terrible to have access to the Internet.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Anyone who deals with customers on a professional basis should be allowed to hand out one face slap per day.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I have my own hand stamper at home so my coworkers will think I went someplace fun the night before.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

My my husband’s favorite thing is when I blame him for losing something that’s actually in my hand.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I need to hire someone to just constantly slap food out of my hand.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I’m sorry I bit your hand when you reached for my popcorn.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I hate when the lotion bottle pump squirts the hardened remains of its mucus plug into the palm of your hand.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Sorry for texting you back instantly. My phone was in my hand, and I’m mature and actually like you.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Washing your face is actually multitasking because you are also washing your hands and forearms and shirt and countertop and feet and floor and hair.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

We literally used to write an essay by hand.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

I don’t understand why my cooking was garbage. I did everything right. I drank wine while I cooked. I had a hand towel over my shoulder. Literally everything right.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Not a gold digger, but the other night a woman told me her grandpa owns a Christmas tree farm. That shit had me rubbing my hands like a fly.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

To-do list: bite the hand that feeds me, put all my eggs in one basket, kill two birds with one stone, let the cat out of the bag, think inside the box, burn bridges, walk on thin ice, play with fire.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

There’s nothing scarier than sneezing with a full cup of coffee in your hand.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Driving home, listening to Gangsta’s Paradise, with my hands at 10 and 2.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Rental car companies seem so insanely helpless at their one job. You show up at the airport, reservation in hand, and they’re like, ‘Wait, really? You wanted a car? Sorry, you totally caught me off guard.’

Posted onMay 19, 2026

I think I’ll just let my jazz hands speak for themselves.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Gang members are so lucky to have something to do with their hands in photos.

Posted onMay 18, 2026

According to my skin, hair, lips, and hands, I am doing Dry January.

Posted onApr 1, 2026

Sorry for texting back instantly. My phone is in my hand, I’m mature, and I like you.

Posted onApr 1, 2026

Not to brag, but I can shake your hand and forget your name simultaneously.

Posted onApr 1, 2026

Hand sanitizer will find a cut you didn’t even know you had.

Posted onApr 1, 2026

Making dinner with my left hand, so it feels like someone else is doing it.

Posted onApr 1, 2026

I could be staring at my hand locking my front door, and I still won’t feel 100% sure my front door was locked.

Posted onMar 31, 2026

What archaeologists are really looking for is a hand digging back.

Posted onMar 31, 2026

Trying to eat with my left hand because I need a little excitement in my life.

Posted onMar 31, 2026

Eating rice with my hands, but not in a political way. In a lazy, fat guy way.

Posted onMar 31, 2026

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