Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 50s: You’re not attracted to anyone who likes you.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

How was the word “Wife” invented? They took the first two and last two letters of wildlife.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Cartoons make it look like getting stabbed in the butt with a pitchfork would be no big deal, but I beg to differ.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

Police cars should play ice cream truck music when they’re pulling you over for something minor.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

Adult friendships are like, “hey girl, let’s keep rescheduling to hangout until one of us dies.”

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

I was abducted by aliens. They made me wash my hands, clean my room, and eat my vegetables. Turns out I was on the mothership.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

Just call me Mother Nature because I can go from hot to cold in a 24-hour period, too.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

It’s not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

Roses are red. Bumble bees buzz. This rhyme doesn’t rhyme. No, wait, yes it does.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Dear Stomach, you’re bored, not hungry. So shut up.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

220 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,489

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,489

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,275

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I wish anxiety came with french fries.

Just shared via Telegram:

I think it’s time I find myself a new inspiration, asking myself “what would Batman do?” gets me in too much trouble.

Going viral on Snapchat:

If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?

Making waves on X:

Oh, I didn’t tell you? Must have been none of your business, then.

Making waves on Discord:

“You’re just mad my gut microbiome is way more diverse and complex than yours.”

Seen just now on TikTok:

If I’m ever mad at you, just talk to me in a sweeter and softer tone, and watch how quickly that anger disappears.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Just landed via Discord:

After my funeral, I want one of my friends to take my phone and text everyone, “Thanks for coming.”

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Just spoke to my wife while the internet was down. She seems nice. She’s a nurse apparently.

Seen just now on Discord:

I’m writing a book on the joys of drinking beer. So far I’ve been through a lot of drafts.

Some people aren’t just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like someone wasn't just a few fries short of a happy meal… they missed out on the entire drive-thru experience! 🛠️🍔😂"

absence, humor, intelligence, just, missing, people, screw, toolbox, whole

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Lowkey wanna fall in love, but Monday to Friday is work, Saturday is laundry, Sunday is mental prep for Monday. The butterflies in my stomach are actually decomposing.

0

2 months ago

actually, butterfly, fall, Friday, humor, laundry, love, mental, mental prep, Monday, prep, procrastination, relationship, Saturday, stomach, stress, Sunday, weekend, work
Why do guys named Timothy go by Tim when they could go by Moth?

0

2 months ago

guys, humor, identity, moth, names, nickname, Tim, Timothy, wordplay
My wife has the worst taste in men.

0

2 months ago

humor, joke, marriage, men, relationship, taste, wife, worst
Of course, a wife can complain to her mother-in-law. She has every right to complain to the manufacturer.

0

2 months ago

complain, complaint, course, every, humor, manufacture, manufacturer, marriage, mother-in-law, quarrel, relationship, right, wife
My transformation into a bitter, angry old woman is almost complete.

0

2 months ago

aging, almost, anger, angry, bitter, bitterness, complete, humor, old, old woman, sarcasm, transformation, woman
Adulthood these days is just bills and running out of memory on devices.

0

5 months ago

adult, adult life, adulthood, bill, bills, days, device, devices, just, life, memory, responsibility, running, technology

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on WeChat this month:

Autocorrect is like a tiny person inside your phone that sometimes gets drunk and says the dumbest things.

28 shares on Telegram this month:

Ok, hear me out: a reality show where billionaire CEOs have to live off of their lowest-paid employees’ salaries for a month.

86 shares on Twitch this month:

Moms be like, “I needed this,” and it’s really just a break from being the one who holds it all together every single day.

98 shares on Instagram this month:

I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.

49 shares on Twitch this month:

My kids will never appreciate the amount of extroverting the introvert me does for them.

30 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When things get hot, they expand, so I’m just getting warmer, not gaining weight.

79 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Part of fatherhood is becoming an expert in some obscure topic and teaching it to your children who stopped listening 30 minutes ago.

10 shares on Snapchat this month:

Canadian Thanksgiving isn’t the same day as Thanksgiving in the US because Canadians already put gravy on everything every day.

18 shares on Slack this month:

Who needs dystopian fiction when you can watch the news?

13 shares on Twitch this month:

It’s always annoying to be woken up by some guy mowing his lawn. Just go around me, man.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

A dating app that matches people by the conspiracy theories they are interested in.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Going from summer clothes to winter clothes: “Okay!” Going from winter clothes to summer clothes: “I AM NOT READY!”

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

Imagine trying to ruin my day and I ignore you for the rest of my life.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

One pretty important part of being a dad is walking faster than the rest of your family through an airport.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

Reading is a gateway drug to being less stupid.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

My desire to be informed is currently at odds with my desire to remain sane.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

Why would I take the high road when I could take the psychopath?

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

Hey there, Delilah, what’s it like in new orc city?

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

I will never trust a cake transport box enough to just hold it by the handle.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

My favorite part of parenting is when they’re asleep.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

Remember that your face is literally a combination of hundreds of generations of people who fell in love!

Shared recently on Messenger:

Every day is a D-Day, if you’re a stutterer.

Making waves on Messenger:

I am AOL Instant Messenger years old.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Who is praying on my downfall right now and can you stop?

Spotted on Telegram:

If I had just one hour left to live, I’d spend it in Math class… it never ends.

Shared recently on Messenger:

When I learned the word “literally,” that was the beginning of the end.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

You used to calm me on my cell phone!

Shared recently on Discord:

Our parents just don’t know how far we rode the bikes when we were young.

Shared recently on Slack:

I miss whatever age I was when I thought five dollars was a lot of money.

Just landed via X:

If your family starts fighting on Thanksgiving, go live.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Some people aren’t just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Lowkey wanna fall in love, but Monday to Friday is work, Saturday is laundry, Sunday is mental prep for Monday. The butterflies in my stomach are actually decomposing.

Why do guys named Timothy go by Tim when they could go by Moth?

My wife has the worst taste in men.

Of course, a wife can complain to her mother-in-law. She has every right to complain to the manufacturer.

My transformation into a bitter, angry old woman is almost complete.

Adulthood these days is just bills and running out of memory on devices.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨