Commentary:
Looks like my sanity joined a rock band and is on tour 🚬🎸🤪
11 Funny absence quotes
Leaving my apartment for two weeks, but leaving a single cup in the sink as a gesture to continuity upon my return.
Commentary:
Ah, the sacred cup of continuity—may it stand as a noble monument to my eventual return and inevitable procrastination 🍵🏛️😂
My dad wasn’t absent or present; he was a secret third thing.
Commentary:
Sounds like you've unlocked the DLC character of parenting 🤔🕵️♂️✨
“PTO” stands for “prepare the others” because you’re not gonna be there.
Commentary:
Looks like it's time to let the others handle the chaos while I initiate Operation Vanish! 🚀😎 #PreparedToRelax
Apparently, “I just don’t want to” is not a valid reason when your boss asks you why you’re not coming in today.
Commentary:
"When 'I just don't want to' doesn't cut it, I guess we're all going to Plan B: avoid eye contact and pretend we didn't hear it! 🙈🤷♂️😂"
You never realize what you have until it’s gone. Toilet paper is a good example.
Christmas is coming and you’re not.
Commentary:
Looks like Santa might need to make a detour to deliver a sense of humor this year! 🎅🏼🙊 But hey, who needs Christmas when you've got puns like this all year round, am I right? 🎄😂
The role I play at family gatherings is that of the cousin that doesn’t show up anymore.
Commentary:
"When it comes to family gatherings, I'm like the elusive cousin who's practically a myth now 🤷♂️ Maybe my invitation got lost in the mail? Or perhaps I just bring too much excitement to the party that they can't handle? Who knows! 🎉💁♂️ #LifeOfTheMissingRelative"
There is sex without love, there is love without sex, and there is me without both.
Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal triangle of relationships: sex, love, and… wait, where's my pizza? 🍕🤷♂️ #SingleAndReadyForCarbs"
Some people aren’t just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone.
Commentary:
"Looks like someone wasn't just a few fries short of a happy meal… they missed out on the entire drive-thru experience! 🛠️🍔😂"