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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

Me, when a 25-year-old talks to me: please be patient with me, I’m from the 1900s.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Netflix & by yourself.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

There should be a Jaws sequel where the shark finally gets arrested for his crimes and goes to jail.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

Morning me just stripped the bedding. Evening me is going to be pissed.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Roses are red, I’m staying in bed. I’ve made no plans, besides pretending I’m dead.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

Billionaires are so weird. What are you saving up for? Hell?

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

My chess strategy is eating one of your pieces every time you look away.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

Music just makes living on this earth a little bit more bearable.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

Sometimes happiness is just having a good night’s sleep.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

Trying to explain that I’m fascinated by Japan for wood joinery reasons and not nerd or pervert reasons.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,582

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

I wonder if the scariest moment ever in history has happened yet.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I never wanted to become one of those adults who just find the music of the younger generation annoying. Nobody could have guessed that the music was just annoying.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Ninety percent of my new follows are beautiful women, which tells me one thing: I’ve still got it!

Going viral on X:

Floppy disks are like Jesus. They died to become the icon of saving.

Breaking via TikTok:

I’ve used dark mode so much that I’m physically repulsed by white screens now.

Just shared via Instagram:

My guardian angel is probably preoccupied with sports betting apps and generative AI, that’s why she’s letting all these bad things happen to me.

Seen just now on X:

Being a woman is hard. You always want to buy something, slap someone, lose weight and eat something sweet.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Santa doesn’t check the naughty list anymore, he just checks social media.

Going viral on X:

The downside of common sense is, having to deal with those that lack it.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

We really do need a separate grocery store for people who’ve been on Earth before.

Sorry for widening my eyes and whispering “The prophecy” when we first met.

3 months ago

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Commentary:
"When you met me, did you sense a disturbance in the force, or was it just last night's tacos? 🌮🔮😂"

apology, awkwardness, eye, eye widening, eyes, first meeting, humor, meeting, met, prophecy, sorry, whispering, widening

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Being drunk and liking every tweet without reading it.

2 weeks ago

behavior, being, drinking, drunk, every, funny behavior, humor, interaction, liking, media, online, online interaction, reading, social, social media, tweet
I love rap beefs, it’s so romantic when two guys sing songs to each other.

1 week ago

beef, guys, humor, i, love, music, rap, romance, romantic, sing, songs
There needs to be a separate grocery store for people who actually know what they’re doing.

4 hours ago

actually, doing, expertise, grocery, grocery store, humor, joking, know, needs, people, sarcasm, shopping, store
I love that retail therapy works on me. I am so much happier and at peace when I’m buying things for myself.

2 months ago

am, buying, care, happier, happiness, i, love, me, much, myself, peace, retail, retail therapy, self, self-care, shopping, therapy, things, works
What a time to be alive! (Derogatory)

3 months ago

alive, derogatory, exclamation, expression, humor, irony, life, modern, modern life, sarcasm, time
Driving to work, and I just reached down to touch my leg to make sure I have pants on.

1 week ago

check, driving, everyday, everyday life, humor, i, just, leg, life, pants, sure, touch, work

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

28 shares on Telegram this month:

A guy waited exactly 3 days to text me. Someone’s been studying the ancient scrolls of 1980s dating advice.

70 shares on YouTube this month:

Don’t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.

80 shares on Slack this month:

It may look like I’m doing nothing, but in my head I’m quite busy.

77 shares on Slack this month:

I’ve done literally nothing all day, except feel guilty about doing nothing all day.

55 shares on Twitch this month:

I wish I was waking up and going to the airport.

93 shares on Messenger this month:

I think I’m emotionally constipated because I haven’t given a shit in months.

68 shares on Messenger this month:

Traded my Fitbit in for a Sitbit.

61 shares on Facebook this month:

Starting my period on election day because I’m a true patriot who bleeds for this country.

66 shares on X this month:

Sometimes I just want a man to talk to me in the same voice he uses to talk to his dog.

88 shares on Reddit this month:

Think I’ll get high enough to find out if there’s a God. Stay tuned.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

People argue with me more in my head than they do in real life.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

A man will beg you to take him back just to act right for 5 days and 24 min.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

Therapy is expensive, getting lost in the woods and never being seen again is free.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

I wonder how much time The Weeknd saves not typing that extra e.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Why talk to bots when my plants listen just fine?

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

I am single, please disturb me!

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

If I ever win the lottery and decide to invest in a billboard company, I won’t tell anyone; but there will be signs.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

If we’re walking together, just know I’ll definitely bump into you because I can’t walk in a straight line.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

I only write when I am falling in love, or falling apart.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

The true horror genre: my old Facebook statuses.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Sorry, can’t go out tonight. My bed told me it needs me, and I can’t let it down.

Just landed via Discord:

Toddlers be like, we can do this the hard way or the harder way.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I tell it like it is: Sometimes I watch the calls on my cell phone and just wait for it to stop ringing.

Just shared via Twitch:

Sorry I lied when I said “I can’t complain.”

Just landed via Twitch:

“Can’t wait till I get older” was the dumbest thing I ever said.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Your card declining when you know you have money is a very funny experience.

Making waves on WeChat:

Doggystyle, so we can both look at the river.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Maybe making another financially irresponsible decision will fix me.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Can we start the weekend again? I wasn’t ready.

Just landed via Threads:

Kids be like: “Nice bathroom mirror. It would be a shame if I spat toothpaste all over it.”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry for widening my eyes and whispering “The prophecy” when we first met.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Being drunk and liking every tweet without reading it.

I love rap beefs, it’s so romantic when two guys sing songs to each other.

There needs to be a separate grocery store for people who actually know what they’re doing.

I love that retail therapy works on me. I am so much happier and at peace when I’m buying things for myself.

What a time to be alive! (Derogatory)

Driving to work, and I just reached down to touch my leg to make sure I have pants on.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨