Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

Screaming into the abyss has lost some of its effectiveness, if I’m being honest.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

This whole working for a living thing goes on for how long?

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

It’s hard to sleep knowing that cake is in the fridge.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Do crabs underwater think that fishes fly?

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

I’m always sad when my sandwich is over.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

You know what I never see anymore are those old alcoholics with the weird noses.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

If snails are so slow, why don’t we ever see them coming? It’s just BAM, there’s a snail.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Life hack: You can turn your ordinary sofa into a sofa bed by simply forgetting your wife’s birthday.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

You’re not really a writer unless you send at least one email a month with a script attachment, saying, “Sorry, read this one instead.”

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

Petition to allow customer service employees to fight at least one customer per day.

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via X:

There are days when trying to control your class is like trying to hug a tornado.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Called myself to see if I’d answer, sent me to voicemail. Twice.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Having little kids is great because I love spending hundreds of dollars each week to feed my floor and my trash can.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I’m accused of being a plagiarist. Their words, not mine.

Just landed via Telegram:

I get easily confused in the morning. Also in the afternoon and evening.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Welcome to your 40s: your chin looks lonely, here’s another one.

Trending via TikTok:

My least controversial opinion is that IKEA should have a bar. I think we were meant to consume three beers and then purchase a Gjörfbunkle.

Just shared via Threads:

If this meeting were any slower, it’d be a landscape painting.

Live now on WhatsApp:

They should combine the running of the bulls with Tour de France next year.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Wearing shorts and my pale legs screamed at the sensation of sunlight like vampires.

Sorry, the deadline for complaints was yesterday.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Funny snarky text about missing the complaint deadline, with a playful, witty vibe.

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Commentary:
"Looks like you missed the boat on complaints! 🚢 Better luck next time! ⏳😄"

complaint, deadline, funny statement, humor, management, sarcasm, sorry, statement, time, time management, yesterday

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50 shares on TikTok this month:

Problems are like balls. Everyone thinks they have bigger ones than you.

67 shares on Twitch this month:

have one of those big paintings with the eyeholes cut out, but I don’t have anyone to spy on, so I just watch TV through it.

90 shares on Instagram this month:

One sec, lemme just find the off switch for my brain.

29 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.

28 shares on Slack this month:

No need for a Halloween costume this year because there’s nothing scarier than being in your mid-20s and not knowing who you are or what you want to do anymore.

54 shares on TikTok this month:

Why is the debate at night time? Let’s get this thing started at 4pm. I don’t need to get riled up so close to bedtime.

59 shares on Threads this month:

I’m starting to think the real hell is just being stuck in an infinite loop of self-doubt and bad life choices.

57 shares on X this month:

Follow your dreams – ideally in a field that will still require humans when you graduate.

94 shares on X this month:

Black Friday used to have heart. I wanna see someone get clocked for a Wii.

28 shares on Messenger this month:

My favorite conspiracy theory is that things will get better.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

“Alcohol and beautiful women” is apparently not an appropriate answer when you are asked about your weaknesses in a job interview.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

I have found that there is usually a lot of day left at the end of my patience.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Did anyone else use grocery bags as textbook covers, or was I just that poor?

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

WW3 is either gonna happen so fast you sleep through it, or it’s gonna last for the rest of your life.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

They should make a biopic of just some random guy.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Who needs a dominatrix when you can be beaten up by an automatically retracting vacuum cleaner cable?

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Jobs be asking me for 3 references, and I think I might start doing the same. Like, let me talk to 3 happy employees, please.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

No show does a misunderstanding / miscommunication plot better than Modern Family does.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

Relationship status: I love my bed.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

I have some cake and now I’m eating it too. Not seeing the problem here.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

My favorite delusion is that I just need to get through this week.

Making waves on Slack:

We all have that person who insists on using a blanket on the couch, no matter the weather.

Just shared via Reddit:

Thanksgiving and Christmas should be six months apart. Absurd to see those people again so soon. Insane.

Trending via YouTube:

I don’t get enough credit for acting far less crazy than I actually am.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

My parents still haven’t apologized for making me ugly.

Making waves on X:

When my husband says he’ll just be a minute, I know I have enough time to watch an entire television series, paint the house, or go on a quest.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

I don’t know if I’m still tired or already tired.

Going viral on Threads:

I’ve reached that age where I don’t have to drink to forget because it just happens naturally now.

Just landed via WeChat:

If sex was real, I think I would’ve had it by now.

Just landed via Slack:

I feel like waking up early on the weekend is so disrespectful.

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Activity Log ✨

Sorry, the deadline for complaints was yesterday.

Saying “essentially” is a more sophisticated way of saying “basically.

Oops, I accidentally healed too much. I am now uninterested in anyone but mẹ.

I bought a book on Feng Shui, but I don’t know where to put it.

Dear diary, sorry for only ever talking about myself. How are you? Do you have any hobbies?

I’m a bit of a traditionalist, so on my birthday, I smear my body with embryonic fluid.

If you’re going to give me some food for thought, it had better be a pizza, or I’m out.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry, the deadline for complaints was yesterday.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Saying “essentially” is a more sophisticated way of saying “basically.

Oops, I accidentally healed too much. I am now uninterested in anyone but mẹ.

I bought a book on Feng Shui, but I don’t know where to put it.

Dear diary, sorry for only ever talking about myself. How are you? Do you have any hobbies?

I’m a bit of a traditionalist, so on my birthday, I smear my body with embryonic fluid.

If you’re going to give me some food for thought, it had better be a pizza, or I’m out.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨