Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

I don’t even check my bank account no more. I just swipe my card and if it’s god’s will, money will be debited.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Why would I take the high road when I could take the psychopath?

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

I’m sorry I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

Going to a DaBaby concert because I need some alone time, and I know no one else will be there.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

Roses are red. Blue got me thinking. I reckon it’s time for some excessive day drinking…

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

We should start referring to age as “levels.” So when you’re level 80, it sounds a lot cooler than just being an older person.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Filling my PEZ dispenser with Ibuprofen for whimsical pain relief.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

I was going to learn to play the violin, but it was too much of a commitment. I wanted something with no strings attached.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

I get easily confused in the morning. Also in the afternoon and evening.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

Why is Saturday over in 7 minutes and Sunday in 4 minutes, but Monday is 84 months long?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,648

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

I made some bad choices in life, but I never bought a pair of Crocs.

Going bananas on YouTube:

What pushes you to watch 19 seasons of people in a hospital?

Making waves on Twitch:

It’s so funny how you can meet someone randomly online, and they become such an important part of your life. It’d be nicer if they lived closer, though.

Spotted on X:

Who develops the algorithm? I want to speak to the manager.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Caught the bouquet at the funeral.

Just shared via YouTube:

Everybody looks sexier when they are happy.

Just landed via Instagram:

I set up a Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

If all men are the same, why does it take women so long to choose one?

Just landed via TikTok:

Cute how I complain that my kids are spoiled when I’m the one who spoils them.

Going viral on TikTok:

Exorcist came by. Says house isn’t possessed, just incredibly poorly built.

Sorry, the deadline for complaints was yesterday.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like you missed the boat on complaints! 🚢 Better luck next time! ⏳😄"

complaint, deadline, funny statement, humor, management, sarcasm, sorry, statement, time, time management, yesterday

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’ve realized there’s more to life than social media, so I guess this is goodbye for the next 12 minutes.

0

2 months ago

12, break, distraction, goodbye, humor, i, life, media, minutes, next, realization, social, social media, time
Lord, please take this gas out of my stomach and put it in my car.

0

2 months ago

car, gas, humor, lord, prayer, put, request, stomach, take
“Don’t take this the wrong way!” Translation: Prepare for insult.

0

2 months ago

communication, humor, insult, misunderstanding, prepare, sarcasm, take, translation, warning, wrong
Don’t worry password, I’m insecure too.

0

2 months ago

computer, humor, insecure, insecurity, joke, password, pun, security, technology, too, worry
My life is based on a true story.

0

2 months ago

comedy, humor, irony, life, self-deprecation, story, true, true story
Stop being so boyfriendable if you can’t be my boyfriend.

0

2 months ago

being, boyfriend, boyfriendable, dating, expectations, fun, humor, love, relationship, stop

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

50 shares on Facebook this month:

My ego is bruised so I’m going to ice it with some cold beer.

26 shares on Messenger this month:

Just once I’d like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear “Monday has been cancelled,” and then go back to sleep.

86 shares on Messenger this month:

Subtitles are for when you’re eating chips.

93 shares on X this month:

The only team building exercise we had when I started working was called “Happy Hour.”

39 shares on Reddit this month:

So I got a call from a telemarketer, and he said he couldn’t understand me. I told him, “Press 1 for English.”

93 shares on Snapchat this month:

Baby, no job is ever that serious for you to be a work snitch.

66 shares on X this month:

You know you’re getting old when you and the grocery store have the same playlist.

59 shares on Slack this month:

Everyone you don’t like in your personal and professional life is a narcissist.

60 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t think you all understand. If Taylor Swift didn’t have a private jet, she’d be Taylor Slow.

51 shares on Telegram this month:

Be the one that gets asked to remove the hockey mask, during a conference call, on Friday the 13th.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

I’ve got a couple of eyebrow hairs that want me to be a villain.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

My soul leaving my body when the lecturer says “let’s hear from someone who hasn’t spoken yet”

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Driving home, listening to Gangsta’s Paradise, with my hands at 10 and 2.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

I don’t know how to flirt, but you can watch me eat fresh fruit in my sundress.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they’re dead.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

When I learned the word “literally,” that was the beginning of the end.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Grocery carts should have barcode scanners on them so you can see how much you’re spending as you put things in your cart.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

If the line at the grocery store takes longer than 10 minutes, the candy beside the checkout should be free.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

If I had 50¢ for every math test I’ve failed, I’d have $7.20.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

I know how to use an abacus as a tambourine.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Twitch:

Of course I look tired, it’s hard pretending to be awake.

Breaking via Discord:

Treat me like a joke and I’ll leave you like it’s funny.

Going bananas on Messenger:

I like to just appear out of nowhere and say, “this looks like a job for a binder clip.”

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Stephen King’s It is the bone chilling story about adults who are forced to spend time with their childhood friends.

Going viral on Facebook:

I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

“I’m just a girl!” No, you are a monster.

Live now on LinkedIn:

I don’t consider myself anything but average. However, I have aged well.

Shared recently on Facebook:

She was my chai, I was her cake rusk.

Trending via Slack:

To the person who stole my place in the queue. I’m after you now.

Spotted on Twitch:

Bugs Bunny was my introduction to opera. Can’t say I’ve kept up with it much since.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry, the deadline for complaints was yesterday.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I’ve realized there’s more to life than social media, so I guess this is goodbye for the next 12 minutes.

Lord, please take this gas out of my stomach and put it in my car.

“Don’t take this the wrong way!” Translation: Prepare for insult.

Don’t worry password, I’m insecure too.

My life is based on a true story.

Stop being so boyfriendable if you can’t be my boyfriend.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨