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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

Being rich is going to look so cute on me.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

Shouldn’t it have been called the ‘not answering machine’?

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Never underestimate my ability to effortlessly make something more difficult than it needs to be.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

Wanna perform obscene blood rituals under the full moon, or nah?

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

Time travel is all well and good, but I feel so stupid right now. None of them have the mustache. No way to tell which baby is Hitler.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Home is where you can walk around like a bum.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

People who say “teamwork makes the dream work” are the reason that some people want to punch other people in the face.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

The term “bisexual” is so confusing. Are you sexual twice a week or once every other week?

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

If they played poker with potato chips, I’d have a gambling problem.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

When they dress up really nice, but all you can think about is the thrill of taking it off.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,367

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

I’m looking forward to tomorrow. It’ll be much like today, but different enough to confuse me.

Seen just now on Slack:

Don’t worry password, I’m insecure too.

Live now on Reddit:

Whoever thinks money doesn’t buy happiness can deposit it in my bank account.

Just landed via X:

I get at least 1,000 steps in waiting for my food to be done in the microwave.

Just shared via Threads:

I really thought impromptu dance-offs were going to be more common.

Trending via Twitch:

Welcome to parenting! The only hobbies you have left are the ones you can do in the bathroom.

Going viral on Instagram:

I don’t like talking to people with an IQ lower than the room temperature.

Just landed via Facebook:

Ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to leave work early.

Trending via TikTok:

Mission Impossible theme song plays in my head when I’m trying to remember a password.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Give it to me straight, doc, what can I do to be healthier besides changing my entire lifestyle?

Sorry, the deadline for complaints was yesterday.

5 days ago

Funny Quotes

Funny snarky text about missing the complaint deadline, with a playful, witty vibe.

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Commentary:
"Looks like you missed the boat on complaints! 🚢 Better luck next time! ⏳😄"

complaint, deadline, funny statement, humor, management, sarcasm, sorry, statement, time, time management, yesterday

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75 shares on Reddit this month:

I don’t always carry all the groceries on one arm, but when I do, my keys are in the wrong pocket.

63 shares on X this month:

I never oversleep in the mornings. I set an alarm and a back-up alarm. Plus, there’s also a noisy kid once those fail.

75 shares on WeChat this month:

“Turn down for what?” My ears, fella. My ears.

100 shares on Pinterest this month:

Being a woman is trying to guess what the hell is going on with your body three times a week.

80 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m the kind of crazy you weren’t warned about because no one knew this level existed.

90 shares on YouTube this month:

If anyone wants to sponsor me, I’ll be running a 0.002K this weekend to raise awareness for laziness.

28 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If I can’t wash dishes to your album, it ain’t that fire.

43 shares on YouTube this month:

Every day, a new coworker asks if you’ve used ChatGPT, and the conversation doesn’t end if you say “No.”

16 shares on Messenger this month:

Who’s going to run in movies when Tom Cruise retires?

38 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you wave your keys in front of a giant house, people will think you own it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

If you see me sad, just hug me and put some money in my pocket.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

Grab your own butt! Love yourself!

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

Old people understand Roman numerals. I for one.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

When buying presents I like to think, what would Jesus have got you? So yeah, enjoy your fish sandwich.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

The universe clearly isn’t working as it should so someone should turn it off and back on again.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

People in 1999 were using the Internet as an escape from reality. People today are using reality as an escape from the Internet.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

After an hour on this team meeting I’m not wanting to be a team player anymore.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

The only time your man will surprise you is when you specifically tell him what you want.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

I prefer people who actually know what’s going on.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Girl, are you an Uber driver? Because you are driving me to drink.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Cracking the ice cubes out probably feels so good for the ice tray.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

“I’ll see” = not coming, never was coming, never even considered it.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Therapy isn’t enough, she needs to know people congratulated me when we broke up.

Shared recently on Slack:

I am a full grown adult. Now listen to me discuss the various plot holes in Paw Patrol.

Going viral on Slack:

I always mean what I say, I don’t always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.

Just landed via Telegram:

“And on the 7th day he rested”. Obviously God had not yet created laundry at that point.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Flirting with submissives is actually really easy. All you gotta do is send a gif of a small animal and say, ‘This is so you.’

Breaking via Slack:

Not using emoji while texting is my way to show that I’m serious.

Breaking via WeChat:

Teens be like, “I wanted to do that until you asked me to.”

Shared recently on TikTok:

I had to treat myself to a sweet goody today to distract my mind from the horrors of life.

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Activity Log ✨

Sorry, the deadline for complaints was yesterday.

I hate when cashiers feel the need to check if my money is real. If I could make counterfeit money, I wouldn’t be at the Dollar Tree, Karen.

How do I become a billionaire by 9 a.m. Monday? Please, it’s urgent.

A good French onion soup will have you acting like a pervert.

The trick is to not let people know how weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out.

How many calories do you burn waiting to hear back?

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry, the deadline for complaints was yesterday.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I hate when cashiers feel the need to check if my money is real. If I could make counterfeit money, I wouldn’t be at the Dollar Tree, Karen.

How do I become a billionaire by 9 a.m. Monday? Please, it’s urgent.

A good French onion soup will have you acting like a pervert.

The trick is to not let people know how weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out.

We’ve been talking about eating the rich for so long, they got over-ripe.

How many calories do you burn waiting to hear back?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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