Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Listen up, you slightly wilted fruit! It's time to hydrate and stand tall like a ripe banana 🍌💦. Let's straighten that back and show the world that you're not slipping away any time soon! 😉"

advice, back, banana, drink, funny advice, humor, hydration, self-care, water

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Did you ever buy a pack of underwear, take them out, and think, wow, these are huge… then try them on, and they fit perfectly?

0

2 months ago

buy, clothing, ever, experience, fit, fitting, funny observation, huge, humor, observation, pack, perfectly, personal, personal experience, shopping, size, take, think, try, underwear
Every retail employee should get to hit one customer a year and there is no way for customers to tell if they’ve used it yet.

0

2 months ago

customer, customers, employee, every, hit, humor, retail, satisfaction, should, stress, tell, used, workplace, year, yearly
I really feel like we need to have more fun in life, because literally nothing matters.

0

2 months ago

feel, fun, humor, i, life, matters, need, nihilism, nothing, philosophy
The sole purpose of your child’s middle name… is so they know when they’re really in trouble.

0

2 months ago

child, discipline, family, humor, know, middle, middle name, name, parenting, purpose, trouble
Always tell people different stories about yourself, so when they talk about you, they’ll argue.

0

2 months ago

always, argue, different, humor, people, self, story, talk, tell, yourself
Obviously, I’m gonna upload pictures with filters and in my best angles. If you wanna see the ugly side of me, come to my house, but bring ice cream.

0

2 months ago

angle, appearance, best, bring, cream, filter, honesty, house, humor, ice, ice cream, me, media, pictures, selfie, side, social, social media, ugly, ugly side

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

43 shares on TikTok this month:

It’s a little ironic when you consider that the Internet was invented to save time.

12 shares on Threads this month:

When God closes a door, he opens a window. Unfortunately, we are in a submarine.

26 shares on Slack this month:

My favorite childhood memory is not paying bills.

39 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I hate it when I’m cleaning the house and suddenly find a bowl of ice cream in my lap and my soap opera on.

10 shares on Facebook this month:

Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.

64 shares on Discord this month:

If you ever wanted to know anything about me, just get me a bottle of wine, and you will, in fact, find out in about 10 minutes.

32 shares on Threads this month:

Working on my harmonica skills so those around me can both hear and feel my depression.

91 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.

43 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Mambo No. 5, but it’s in a minor key, and I’m naming women who didn’t text me back.

38 shares on Snapchat this month:

There’s no-one who can get more drunk on power than the admin of a village Facebook group.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

If a vegetarian who eats fish is a pescatarian, is a vegetarian who eats chicken called a poultrygeist?

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

I just locked eyes with a spider. But instead of killing him I ran away and hid, so he can spend the night stressing about where I am.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

Driving between speed cameras is called intermittent fasting.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

“Who does she think she is?” Well, it appears she is someone living her life unconcerned with who you think she is.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Whatever you do today, do it with the confidence of a 4-year old wearing a Batman cape.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

As someone who lives on earth, rising sea levels are alarming. But as someone who has always wanted to be a mermaid, I’m intrigued.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

I wanna date one of those guys who really loves their girlfriend.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

Please pray for my daughter, who had to empty the dishwasher when she “just did this yesterday and she’s tired.”

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

My husband has reached an age where he reads the menu out loud. The whole menu. And then he has questions. Please send help.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Hardest part of beekeeping is thinking of all the names.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

If you’re lost in the woods, start talking loudly about politics. Someone will come to argue with you.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Gollum is like, “Actually, this is my emotional support precious.”

Making waves on WeChat:

Please no requests for a threesome. If I want to disappoint two people at the same time, I’ll visit my parents.

Just landed via TikTok:

It’s weird that Usher doesn’t have any songs about showing people to their seats.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Hate when other parents at school drop off act like they’re better than me just because they remembered to bring all of their children.

Trending via Pinterest:

I noticed you haven’t posted in a few weeks, and just wanted to thank you.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Parallel lines have got so much in common, it’s a shame they’ll never meet.

Shared recently on Slack:

Working my first office job. Is it normal to have nothing to do?

Going viral on Discord:

I don’t question my wife’s choices because I’m one of them.

Live now on Instagram:

It’s okay to love your job. Just know it doesn’t love you back.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Straighten your back and drink some water, you dehydrated banana.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Did you ever buy a pack of underwear, take them out, and think, wow, these are huge… then try them on, and they fit perfectly?

Every retail employee should get to hit one customer a year and there is no way for customers to tell if they’ve used it yet.

I really feel like we need to have more fun in life, because literally nothing matters.

The sole purpose of your child’s middle name… is so they know when they’re really in trouble.

Always tell people different stories about yourself, so when they talk about you, they’ll argue.

Obviously, I’m gonna upload pictures with filters and in my best angles. If you wanna see the ugly side of me, come to my house, but bring ice cream.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨