16 funny funny advice quotes - Wordgag

Avoid calls from pesky bill collectors by not paying your phone bill.

May 21, 2026

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your dog can stay home for the hour you’re at the grocery store or restaurant.

May 19, 2026

You’re over 35. Better go pee before you leave, pee when you get there, pee while you’re there, and pee before you leave.

May 19, 2026

There’s no reason to be bored flying on an airplane. Use the time to tell the person next to you your entire life story.

Mar 31, 2026

If anything goes wrong today, just dramatically whisper, “The prophecy has been fulfilled,” and walk away.

Mar 30, 2026

Best tips for saving money: lay down and don’t move.

Mar 29, 2026

Stop wasting your money on beauty products. The secret to looking young is to wear a baseball cap with a propeller on it.

Mar 29, 2026

How to have flat stomach: remove all of your organs.

Mar 29, 2026

Save tons of money on a weighted blanket by sleeping under the mattress.

Mar 29, 2026

In case you wanna quit vaping, I’d suggest using a harmonica.

Mar 28, 2026

Straighten your back and drink some water, you dehydrated banana.

Mar 28, 2026

Pro Tip: Never make snow angels in a dog park.

Mar 25, 2026

It’s generally a good idea to start punching and throwing elbows immediately upon waking up because there may be enemies nearby.

Mar 25, 2026

If you want your teen to finish her homework, tell her to fold the laundry.

Mar 25, 2026

Note: Press the button on the elevator as often as possible to activate the secret express function and speed up the thing.

Mar 24, 2026

My main takeaway from ‘The Walking Dead’ is that you can still eat the expired canned goods in your pantry.

Mar 24, 2026