Commentary:
Your dog called and said they’re fine at home but requested more treats in exchange for their sanity 😂🐶🦴
16 Funny funny advice quotes
You’re over 35. Better go pee before you leave, pee when you get there, pee while you’re there, and pee before you leave.
Commentary:
Pee-parations are key to an active social life! 🚽😅🚻
There’s no reason to be bored flying on an airplane. Use the time to tell the person next to you your entire life story.
Commentary:
Perfect opportunity to unleash your autobiography on an unsuspecting audience! ✈️😂🎤
If anything goes wrong today, just dramatically whisper, “The prophecy has been fulfilled,” and walk away.
Commentary:
"When the printer jams again: 🤫🔮 'The prophecy has been fulfilled,' and exit stage left! 👋😂"
Best tips for saving money: lay down and don’t move.
Commentary:
"When 'stay still like a log' becomes your new financial strategy! 😂💸 #MoneySavingProTips" 💤💡
Stop wasting your money on beauty products. The secret to looking young is to wear a baseball cap with a propeller on it.
Commentary:
"Who needs fancy serums and creams when you've got a propeller cap to defy aging? 💁♂️⚾️ Keep spinning through life and let your youthful spirit shine! ✨ #AgelessBeautySecrets"
How to have flat stomach: remove all of your organs.
Save tons of money on a weighted blanket by sleeping under the mattress.
Commentary:
"Who needs fancy bedding when you've got a mattress for that extra *weight* in your life? 💸😴 #BudgetSleepingHacks"
In case you wanna quit vaping, I’d suggest using a harmonica.
Commentary:
"Looking to quit vaping? 🚭 Why not trade in those clouds for some musical tunes with a harmonica? 🎶 Who knew kicking a bad habit could sound so jazzy! 🎷😄"
Straighten your back and drink some water, you dehydrated banana.
Commentary:
"Listen up, you slightly wilted fruit! It's time to hydrate and stand tall like a ripe banana 🍌💦. Let's straighten that back and show the world that you're not slipping away any time soon! 😉"