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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

You know it’s been a successful Thanksgiving when your clothes no longer fit.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

RIP to everyone killed by the Gods for their hubris, but I’m different. And better. Maybe even better than the Gods.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

God: “I used to work in mysterious ways but now I’m unemployed.”

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Good morning to everyone except the baristas who don’t tighten the lid.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

And so ends another week without me getting rich unexpectedly.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Work beers should be a daily thing.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

Everybody hates me for being a beautiful angel with a perfect soul.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,833

Funny Quotes Topics

17,014

Funny Quotes Images

14,833

Updated

Dec 9, 2025

Users Online

4,017

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via TikTok:

Killing me softly with his schlong.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Stupidity begins where irony is no longer understood.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I’m okay with being single. But at night, while I’m drunk, that’s too much.

Making waves on Instagram:

I would like to thank everyone who destroyed me into the person I am today.

Just landed via TikTok:

“What’s your ETA?” do you ask the birds in the sky when they will arrive.

Just shared via Discord:

What are some fun beginner crimes for someone getting into lawlessness?

Breaking via Snapchat:

I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.

“Thank you for choosing Amtrak.” No problem. There are no other trains.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like I've got as many options as a cat in a dog park! 🚂😹

Amtrak, customer, customer service, humor, joke, Monopoly, problem, service, thank, train, transportation, travel

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Good morning to everyone except people that talk to the cashier about their entire day.

1 month ago

behavior, cashier, day, everyone, except, good, humor, morning, people, social, social behavior, talk
The smaller the woman, the bigger the attitude. It’s science.

1 month ago

attitude, bigger, confidence, humor, personality, science, size, smaller, woman
I took some free community martial arts lessons for self-defense, but I’m starting to think Tai Chi is too slow for most muggers.

1 month ago

arts, chi, combat, community, community lessons, free, humor, i, irony, lessons, martial, martial arts, muggers, self-defense, slow, tai, Tai Chi, think, too
“This too shall pass.” And then some other bullshit will come and take its place. It never f**king ends.

1 month ago

bullshit, cycle, frustration, humor, inevitability, life, never, pass, place, reality, struggle, take, this too shall pass, too
I should’ve existed as a tree.

2 months ago

choices, existed, existence, humor, i, identity, life, life choices, nature, tree
I love it when strangers smile at me and I smile back, and we have that nice stranger smiling moment.

1 month ago

back, connection, happiness, i, interaction, love, me, moment, nice, smile, stranger, strangers

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Ragebaiting each other is flirting, btw.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

My retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding a buried treasure at some point.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Roses are red, violets are blue. Your parents are very disappointed in you.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Going to look at the small picture for a while. Tired of seeing the big picture. Too much picture.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

Expiration date? More like spoiler alert.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

Summer body? Folks, I’m cosplaying as a potato that’s seen some things.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

The dude who invented the autocorrect has died. Restaurant in piece.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Messenger:

Sometimes I use big words I don’t always fully understand, in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Do you think birds, once they get older, start people-watching?

Shared recently on Facebook:

I automatically assume everyone finds me unattractive until they tell me otherwise, and then I assume that they are lying to make fun of me.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Women know the exact weight of their children and their age in days. Men just know that little people live with them.

Just shared via Threads:

Imagine hating me, and I’m not even paying attention.

Live now on Facebook:

Work again? Really? Didn’t I just do that yesterday?

Going bananas on Twitch:

Sometimes somebody will share something from way back in my timeline, and I’ll think, “Oh God, what all did they see to get there?”

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Activity Log ✨

“Thank you for choosing Amtrak.” No problem. There are no other trains.

The smaller the woman, the bigger the attitude. It’s science.

I took some free community martial arts lessons for self-defense, but I’m starting to think Tai Chi is too slow for most muggers.

“This too shall pass.” And then some other bullshit will come and take its place. It never f**king ends.

I should’ve existed as a tree.

I love it when strangers smile at me and I smile back, and we have that nice stranger smiling moment.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

If you can’t say anything nice, say something funny.

Had chicken and egg for dinner because I wanted to eat the whole family.

Not to brag, but what a time to be childless.

My boss wants me to train some other employees so it’s pretty obvious he has no idea I am completely incompetent.

Men used to send love letters in the middle of wars, and now they think reassurance is too much effort.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Why do men stay in the car for minutes after arriving home?

At the doctor’s office, booing all the names being called that aren’t mine.

If you ever feel stupid, just remember there are people who forgive cheating.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

It’s amazing how music can transport you to another place. For example, this coffee shop is playing Justin Bieber, so I’m going to another restaurant.

Threatening my wife with a tariff every time she makes fun of me.

If you watch soccer backwards, it’s about 11 sad and 11 happy men who nag each other until they get along eventually.

Edging my house plants by putting them next to the window when it rains.

Grant me the serenity to supernaturally change the things I cannot accept.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

People that ask Grok “Is this true” are the reason our society is getting dumber by the minute.

Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.

Monsters can’t hide under my bed. That’s where my cats have their fight club.

Men don’t eject their eyes from their sockets and yell awooga anymore.

Trying to work outside on a laptop is like sunbathing on a melting ice cube.

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“Thank you for choosing Amtrak.” No problem. There are no other trains.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Good morning to everyone except people that talk to the cashier about their entire day.

The smaller the woman, the bigger the attitude. It’s science.

I took some free community martial arts lessons for self-defense, but I’m starting to think Tai Chi is too slow for most muggers.

“This too shall pass.” And then some other bullshit will come and take its place. It never f**king ends.

I should’ve existed as a tree.

I love it when strangers smile at me and I smile back, and we have that nice stranger smiling moment.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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