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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

People should come with warning labels.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

If painting yourself into a corner was considered art, I’d be Michelangelo.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

My favorite part of parenting is when they’re asleep.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

If an alien is 60 million light years away and is watching us through a telescope, it will see dinosaurs.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

Avocado is just green butter.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Not to brag, but I boiled the right amount of pasta. Once. Five years ago.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

The secret to my success is everywhere I go I wear a shirt that says STAFF on the back.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

The one thing I think most parents need to realize is, there’s absolutely no secrets that your child doesn’t share about you in the classroom.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

No ChatGPT for me, thanks. I will be asking Liam Gallagher on Twitter.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

Super excited about a brand new week of hanging on by a thread.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,554

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, knock over a lamp, and land on the floor.

Going bananas on Facebook:

If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you are holding the taser wrong.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Bugs Bunny taught me that my choices aren’t limited to fight or flight, I can also pretend I’m a pretty lady.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I thought I liked seeing movies, but it turns out I like eating candy in a dark room where it’s illegal to talk to me.

Just landed via YouTube:

I’m so lazy that I get jealous when it’s bedtime in other countries.

Just landed via X:

The hairdresser asking me what special plans I have for the day like this wasn’t it.

Live now on Threads:

If you don’t like sports, you are missing a whole world of easy-going conversations with complete strangers.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Is anyone else really scared for how stupid and illiterate the next generations are gonna be?

Seen just now on Threads:

If I ever go missing, check the snack aisle. I’m probably just deciding.

Trending via Instagram:

Getting drunk was invented by Big Text to make you send more texts.

The best part of Thanksgiving is being with family and friends, and a vast array of pies.

2 days ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote about Thanksgiving highlighting family, friends, and an abundance of pies.

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Commentary:
Pie-nding my way through Thanksgiving with a fork in one hand and a pie chart in the other! 🥧🤣

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Saying “Who is it?” when the doctor knocks on the exam room door.

2 weeks ago

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A big part of my wife’s cardio routine is rolling away from me in bed.

3 days ago

away, bed, big, cardio, exercise, humor, marriage, me, personal, personal space, relationship, rolling, routine, sleep, space, wife
Okay, seen enough, someone put a blanket over my cage.

3 days ago

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Do we barbecue with women or without salad?

2 weeks ago

activity, barbecue, cooking, fun, fun activity, humor, salad, women
The cynicism of those who urge me not to do what I can to help the Nigerian royal family.

2 weeks ago

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And then the vodka whispered, “Say what you really think.”

2 days ago

alcohol, drinking, honesty, humor, say, think, vodka, whisper

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Social Media Stars ⭐

43 shares on Slack this month:

The masculine urge to hitch your pants up after making a minor decision.

47 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Outfit repeater. Meal repeater. Movie rewatcher. I know what I like.

64 shares on Telegram this month:

They expect me to work at work.

19 shares on WeChat this month:

I fondly remember my days as a younger man when I didn’t care what the weather was going to do.

64 shares on Pinterest this month:

I leave the blue tick on WhatsApp so that people can see exactly when I wasn’t interested.

47 shares on Reddit this month:

Seeing people exercising outside my house really motivated me to get up and close the blinds.

50 shares on X this month:

I like deadlines. They make me functional.

61 shares on Discord this month:

I use a headshot from 2008 on my LinkedIn to prepare future employers for disappointment.

10 shares on Slack this month:

Every year, just in time for Christmas, when it’s freezing cold, the Coca Cola truck shows up. Now, in this freaking heat, it’s nowhere to be seen.

11 shares on Pinterest this month:

Adults should get spring break from their jobs.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

You should be able to mute someone in real life. Annoying coworker? Silence them for 24 hours by booping them on the nose!

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

Thank you, moon, for staying awake so late.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I do not read.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Becoming a man doesn’t happen the first time you fight or make love. It happens the first time you see the gas bill and remind everyone that we aren’t trying to heat the outside.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

If life was a video game, right now would be the time where I randomly press buttons because I don’t know what to do.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

I always set two alarms, one for “Good Intentions Me” and one for “The Real Me”

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

Starting the second half of your sandwich is like “hell yeah, baby, let’s run it back!”

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

I like my men like I like my coffee. Not that hot but still making me anxious.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

Trying to decide what to burn for dinner, so I can order pizza.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

I love when I come home, I put on my Adam Sandler clothes.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on YouTube:

I’m so thankful I had a childhood before technology took over.

Just landed via WeChat:

I still haven’t heard one good argument why I should stop believing in Santa.

Just shared via Pinterest:

If anyone wants a more cost effective energy provider, I can supply endless energy on tap from my absolutely not tired child at bedtime.

Going viral on YouTube:

“You look tired”. No, I’m just ugly.

Just shared via Threads:

My problem is, I wanna be the only one at the gym when I go.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

The guy in the stall beside doesn’t know he can shut off his camera shutter.

Trending via TikTok:

I want someone to look at me the way I look at a travel booking website.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I always fear that one day I will enter my house and find a thief, knocked out unconscious by the things fallen on his head from some closet.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Why can’t they use deep fake technology for good instead of evil? Like taking Zoom meetings for you, stuff like that.

Just landed via TikTok:

Dogs can’t talk and everyone loves them. Coincidence? I think not.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The best part of Thanksgiving is being with family and friends, and a vast array of pies.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Saying “Who is it?” when the doctor knocks on the exam room door.

A big part of my wife’s cardio routine is rolling away from me in bed.

Okay, seen enough, someone put a blanket over my cage.

Do we barbecue with women or without salad?

The cynicism of those who urge me not to do what I can to help the Nigerian royal family.

And then the vodka whispered, “Say what you really think.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨