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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

I hope the aliens aren’t good at basketball. My chances of making it into the NBA are already slim.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

When exactly does wisdom kick in? I feel like I’m just getting older.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

USPS tracking: Step 1: We don’t think it exists. Step 2: Delivered.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

Wonder what I should wear to World War III.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

If you’re thinking of becoming a parent, just imagine working 6,570 days straight without a day off.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger, but also a little grumpy.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

Can you imagine how hot I’d be if I ate right and took care of my body? I’m not gonna do it, but can you imagine?

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

The sexual tension between me and vanishing without context is insane.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

Just learned in psychology that when a man goes to sleep first, it’s because he’s comfortable around you and wants you to go through his phone.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

My retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding a buried treasure at some point.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

354 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,623

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,623

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,587

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

If you drink enough, any bar can be a karaoke bar.

Trending via Threads:

This year has gone by so quick. Christmas is basically tomorrow.

Breaking via TikTok:

I tell people I rearrange my furniture to change things up, but we all know it’s to annoy my husband.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Shrimp: “When I grow up, I want to be food waste at a gala.”

Shared recently on Threads:

I’m at the age where I understand that paying a little extra for convenience and comfort is absolutely okay.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Hand sanitizer will find a cut you didn’t even know you had.

Trending via WeChat:

Sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face.

Breaking via Snapchat:

I took some free community martial arts lessons for self-defense, but I’m starting to think Tai Chi is too slow for most muggers.

Making waves on Telegram:

Have been dipping my toe into doing Pilates, and let me tell you, women are real sickos.

Just shared via Slack:

Forget pheromones, barbecue smells are always attractive.

The best part of Thanksgiving is being with family and friends, and a vast array of pies.

The best part of Thanksgiving is being with family and friends, and a vast array of pies.
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Commentary:
Pie-nding my way through Thanksgiving with a fork in one hand and a pie chart in the other! 🥧🤣

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

42 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If he has other girls who make him smile, be different and make him cry.

41 shares on Messenger this month:

From now on, I’m gonna tell guests that I made my house especially messy just for their visit. It was hard, but I got it done.

13 shares on Telegram this month:

My wheelchair keeps making a screaming noise when I run over people.

21 shares on Pinterest this month:

Why a bug would spend such a long fraction of its short life immobile on my ceiling beats me.

33 shares on Pinterest this month:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but I think people who say ‘I don’t know who needs to hear this’ know exactly who needed to hear it.

67 shares on Discord this month:

No one knows what I’m up to, not even me.

69 shares on Snapchat this month:

I don’t want your hoodie, I want your still-beating heart presented to me in a box.

19 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m at the age where any time my mom asks if I remember so-and-so from high school, the news is never good.

90 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Convinced my kid her harmonica didn’t work because the instructions were missing.

86 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Objection your honor, if the prosecutor doesn’t have anything nice to say then he shouldn’t say anything at all.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

On Twitter, you will always find someone who is tweeting your thoughts but with better grammar.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Of course I do cardio. It’s called running from my problems.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s like 10,000 Tupperwares when all you need is a lid.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I have a question and my question is, how can I look so cute in the mirror but like such a baked potato in pictures?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The most dangerous drinking game I play, is seeing how long I can go without coffee.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine you blocked me, and I crawled out from under your couch to ask why.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome, new followers! It’s all downhill from here.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

The moon is literally dragging the oceans around, and you think your body shouldn’t feel it?

6 folks are currently checking 👀

People always ask me why there’s a chair in my shower. Who the hell eats breakfast standing up?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

That awkward moment when someone keeps watching you while you are eating.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

354 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,623

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,623

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,261

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s being annoyed by stupidity.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

I bought a little bag of air today. The company that made it was kind enough to put some potato chips in it as well.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

Don’t forget to set your clocks back to seasonal depression this weekend.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

People in their 20s be like, “This is my emotional support master’s degree.”

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

Getting excited to go to bed is a different level of adulting.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

There are people who have a favourite colour, and there are people whose favourite colour is purple. These are very different things. Purple fans are different creatures.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

When a woman texts you three questions, you should only answer one. She will love that.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

I drive home so quick after work like I’m late for the house.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

At the end of my appointment, the doctor took her own blood pressure.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

Don’t go keto, go pirate. Rum, fish and beef jerky diet.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

No one told me adulthood would require this much multi-factor authentication.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Gonna get my eye looked at today. Usually it’s the other way around.

Just landed via YouTube:

Public urination isn’t a crime if you do it in your pants.

Spreading quickly via X:

The 70s, 80s, and 90s were the best decades – so many memories, no evidence.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

If painting yourself into a corner was considered art, I’d be Michelangelo.

Going bananas on Slack:

Petition to make weekends longer. Two days isn’t enough.

Going bananas on Discord:

Just because I’m up sharing posts at 7 a.m. doesn’t mean I’m up. Don’t call my phone.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Don’t let anyone tell you, you can’t do something. Show them you can’t.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Coworkers are funny. You could see a guy every day for 5 years then he quits and you never see or even think about him again.

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