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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

Sorry for acting weird. It’s just that I mirror people, and you were being weird first.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

Your honor, if it pleases the court, I brought homemade brownies for everyone.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

Asking my dentist a question, but sticking my fingers in his mouth before he replies.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Remember when we had to smack the TV cause it wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about too many people.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

I can’t believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician. I was just sitting there doing nothing.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

I get all the cardio I need by running out of patience.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Just rolled over for a cuddle.. forgot I’m single… fell off the bed.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

People often mistake me for an adult because of my age.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

Updated

4 hours ago

Users Online

3,427

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I would go out of my mind, but I can’t find the exit.

Just shared via Slack:

Liquor store clerk: “Do you need help?” Me: “Yes, but I decided to come here instead.”

Spreading quickly via Discord:

If women came with instructions, men wouldn’t read them anyway.

Live now on Facebook:

The trick is to not let people know how weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out.

Just shared via Twitch:

I don’t know if I’m still tired or already tired.

Shared recently on X:

Coffee ain’t cutting it anymore. I need to eat batteries.

Going viral on WeChat:

The role I play at family gatherings is that of the cousin that doesn’t show up anymore.

Spotted on Discord:

Why spend like $300 Dollars on a pair of shoes? Do you know how many chicken nuggets you can buy with that money?

Shared recently on Instagram:

I was blinded by a goddamn deer with a shiny red nose… No, officer, I haven’t been drinking.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Y’all made fun of Plankton on Spongebob for dating a computer, and look at y’all now.

Thanksgiving ain’t been the same ever since my uncle pulled that gun out on everybody.

Thanksgiving ain’t been the same ever since my uncle pulled that gun out on everybody.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like Uncle Buck decided to bring a whole new meaning to 'pass the gravy, not the Glock' this Thanksgiving! 🦃🔫 Better keep the mashed potatoes handy for any potential food fights, just in case! 😅"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

Updated

4 hours ago

Users Online

3,436

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

Every time your mom tells you that she wants the best for you, she is talking about me.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

Christmas adverts: “Eat all the food! Drink all the drink! Spoil yourself! It’s Christmas!” New year adverts: “Look at what you’ve done to yourself, you fat sack of shit!”

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

My husband was unable to find his coat earlier as he’d accidentally hung it up.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

Restaurant toilets are dangerous! So many of my dates have gone to use them and vanished.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

About 40 muscles are activated when you eat just one donut. Follow me for more fitness advice.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

If I ever win the lottery and decide to invest in a billboard company, I won’t tell anyone; but there will be signs.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

If you’ve never had a cheeseburger change your mood, you’ve never had a cheeseburger.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

I don’t weigh myself because most scales don’t know how heavy all the grudges I’m holding onto are.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

“Your password is too weak.” Just wait until you see my will to live.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

The first time I saw a kiwi I thought it’s a potato with fur.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Discord:

I can feel your energy from two planets away.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Why read the room when you can leave the room?

Just shared via Discord:

Watching a movie on the plane? No thanks. Watching my seatmate’s movie with no audio and not understanding what’s going on for over an hour? Yassss.

Live now on Snapchat:

The only things that are really cool in my company are my salary and me.

Trending via Threads:

There are a few certainties in this life: death, taxes and when a Canadian tells you it’s cold out, it’s cold out.

Making waves on Snapchat:

My New Year’s resolution will be to stop chasing waterfalls, and stick to the rivers and the lakes that I’m used to.

Going viral on Threads:

I have a very particular set of useless skills.

Making waves on Instagram:

I don’t always push on pull doors but when I do, I do it two or three times to confirm how dumb I really am.

Going viral on Snapchat:

It’s legally required that you lose a frisbee onto the roof within one week of purchase.

Spotted on Reddit:

Right now somebody’s therapist is hearing about YOU.

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