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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

If I’m ever murdered, I don’t want two women with a podcast solving the case in their spare time.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

Gonna run this by my two best friends who are as insane as I am.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

Sorry, I can’t hang out. I don’t know enough words.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Do we lazy people actually go to heaven? Or are we being picked up?

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Most guys probably just have a foot fetish because their first girlfriend was a sock.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

The word “ugly” cannot be used on women, I’m sorry. Women just can’t be ugly, that’s a boy thing.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

Welcome to your 40s. A random back pain will be assigned to you shortly, and you’ll never know what flares it up every time.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

Dropped my skinny boyfriend between the bed and the wall like a vape or a TV remote.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Perfume is designed to be an invisible accessory. It’s not designed to instantly kill the canary when you entered the room.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

I’m going to become more attractive or more delusional; I haven’t decided yet.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

AI is trained on what we write, so if we want to save our jobs we should all write really badly for a while. I’ve been doing my bit for years.

Trending via Facebook:

I’m not deleting my Twitter, I was here before Elon.

Just shared via Telegram:

An Advent Calendar for adults but behind every door is a different kind of anxiety medication.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

This going into the office stuff blows. Like, I seriously have to wear clothes now.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Sorry I missed your call. I saw that you were calling and immediately threw my phone into an active volcano.

Going bananas on WeChat:

All this overthinking, and I still make the worst decisions.

Making waves on TikTok:

I think the Monday after Sunday should always be a day off.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

(Making small talk with a couple) So have you guys ever cheated on each other?

Just landed via Snapchat:

“Easy like Sunday morning” is something people with no kids say.

The biggest difference between my toddler and me is that if I had poop on my butt, that’d be priority #1.

2 days ago

Funny Quotes

Funny quote about parenting humor and messy moments with a playful vibe.

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Commentary:
Looks like we've found the secret to toddler priorities! 🍼🚽😂

1, butt, childhood, difference, humor, hygiene, i, me, parent, parenting, poop, priority, toddler

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Social Media Stars ⭐

53 shares on X this month:

My real introduction to classical music came from watching Tom & Jerry cartoons as a kid. Also how I got into sadism.

88 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Why do you assume it’s invalid to “make stuff up” during an argument? It shows initiative and creativity.

49 shares on Telegram this month:

I’ve just found my wide pants again. They weren’t gone at all, they’re just my tight pants now.

29 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m a “I have an appointment later, so I can’t do anything else for the rest of the day” kind of person.

71 shares on WeChat this month:

I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control. I thought to myself, “Wow, this changes everything.”

98 shares on YouTube this month:

Every once in a while, I go outside and run the vacuum cleaner on the driveway, just to make sure the neighbors never talk to me.

77 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You can’t have everything… where would you put it?”

60 shares on Instagram this month:

I have a lot in common with AI. We occasionally provide incorrect information with a confident tone.

45 shares on WeChat this month:

I love asking 5 different people for advice then doing what I want.

18 shares on Instagram this month:

The list of women who haven’t slept with me is really impressive.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Going on dates is hard because do I like them or do I just have sooo much fun being me.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

I’ve been so stressed about getting my shit together that I haven’t gotten any of my shit together.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Celebrating President’s Day by not doing anything I promised I would.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

Boyfriends come and go… reply guys stay forever. Against your will, even.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

My sweatpants sat me down and said they want me to get an office job again.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

If I could turn water into wine, I’d have lots of followers too.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Some days you have breakfast for dinner and live life on your own terms.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Pronouncing hyperbole like guacamole.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

Nothing prepares you for the day you wake up and realize you have a favorite cardigan.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

I’m writing a book of obitchuaries for all the people who are dead to me.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

The best proof that fairy tales are fictional is the fact that the prince is always an intelligent and handsome single man.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Apparently the thirstiest creature in the whole world is always a kid who’s been told to go back to his bed like a hundred times.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I would never put up a lost dog poster. I’m not letting the whole neighborhood know I fumbled.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

It’s only a family vacation if you think “We’re never doing this again” at least once.

Breaking via Messenger:

The first time people saw a train coming at them, they ran away in terror.

Trending via WhatsApp:

The key to looking amazing is looking like shit most of the time, so it’s more of a surprise.

Spotted on Messenger:

A moment of silence for the paycheck that was in my account for five minutes.

Shared recently on Messenger:

No more relationships for me, the last one was an embarrassment to my gangsta.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I grew up in a kinder, gentler age. We pitied our fools.

Just landed via Discord:

Took a good look at my finances. I won’t make that mistake again.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The biggest difference between my toddler and me is that if I had poop on my butt, that’d be priority #1.

Just saw someone my age running and she wasn’t chasing an ice-cream truck.

My favorite yoga pose is reaching for the remote control on the far end of the table without falling off the couch.

I’m like the Temu version of a well-functioning adult.

The thing I can’t get over about Love Island is they’re only allowed 2 drinks a night, like they’re all just acting like that.

Welcome to your parents’ house, where the wifi password is fEtbqP2LVp3U6Hkh

My bad for thinking everyone has common sense.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The biggest difference between my toddler and me is that if I had poop on my butt, that’d be priority #1.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Just saw someone my age running and she wasn’t chasing an ice-cream truck.

My favorite yoga pose is reaching for the remote control on the far end of the table without falling off the couch.

I’m like the Temu version of a well-functioning adult.

The thing I can’t get over about Love Island is they’re only allowed 2 drinks a night, like they’re all just acting like that.

Welcome to your parents’ house, where the wifi password is fEtbqP2LVp3U6Hkh

My bad for thinking everyone has common sense.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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