The difference between the kids table and the adults table during holiday dinners is that there is much more screaming, crying, and arguing at the adults table.

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Tech enthusiasts: My entire house is smart. Tech workers: The only piece of technology in my house is a printer, and I keep a gun next to it so I can shoot it if it makes a noise I don’t recognize.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

I love when women have one daughter as their only child. It’s so incredibly chic.

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Why would I take the high road when I could take the psychopath?

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If you know karate, you shouldn’t have to pay for stuff.

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Never understood why people train their dogs to sit pretty or roll over when there are useful tricks like empty the dishwasher or fold the laundry.

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I would go out more if there weren’t any humans out there.

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Isn’t it weird that we have one hand that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like ‘I don’t know how to hold a pencil.’