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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

Whoever named the grapefruit when there was already a fruit named grape. Incompetent legend. I wish we could hang out.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

Did it make you feel powerful when you didn’t let me merge onto the highway?

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

You can tell you’re getting old when the barber spends less time on the top of your head and more time on your ears.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

I have to work because the baby is expensive. (I’m the baby.)

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

SHEIN does entirely too much on their app. Feels like a freaking casino every time you open it.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Alexa, take responsibility for my actions.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Some of these fake tans look like an old Tupperware container that’s had marinara sauce in it.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Don’t fall for me — I’ll treat you right, and you’ll get bored and cheat.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

Every night at bedtime I do one small ritual: six hours on my cell phone.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Who is praying on my downfall right now and can you stop?

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,729

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

Who needs dystopian fiction when you can watch the news?

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Sorry for how I acted when there were multiple noises happening at the same time.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Candy companies will look you straight in the eye and lie about how they know what a banana tastes like.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Sometimes I do this fun little thing, where I take the time to write a grocery list, and then I forget it at home.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

All my bills say “Outstanding.” I guess I am good to go.

Making waves on X:

Thank God they have medical marijuana in this state. I need it for my joints.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Me gasping and flipping off the vultures as they circle above the running track.

Just landed via Messenger:

Lately I have the attention span of wait what?

Making waves on Snapchat:

A Jackie Chan fight scene where he’s in an IKEA warehouse and he fights off dudes with furniture pieces, but by the end he’s accidentally assembled it all into a complete Malm bedroom set.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I don’t want to do exercise, but I want to have done exercise.

The first person to throw out bath water: Uh oh.

7 days ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about early bath water disposal with a humorous, playful tone.

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Commentary:
Looks like someone just invented the original form of "drop the mic" moment in history! 💦🛁😄 #OopsieDaisies

bath, bath water, funny situation, humor, oh, person, reaction, situation, throw, throw out, uh, uh oh, unexpected, water

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89 shares on Reddit this month:

Every time you rub your eyes, they should change color a little.

60 shares on WeChat this month:

I skip questions on exams like I’m gonna be a different person when I come back to them.

15 shares on Telegram this month:

Microplastics are a waste of time. I go straight to eating whole packaging.

23 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Dear people who talk on speakerphone out in public. Everyone around you hates you.

24 shares on Messenger this month:

You got beef with me, but none in your fridge. That’s why you’re mad. You’re hungry.

58 shares on X this month:

I really understand why boomers text with ellipses between everything… it feels so good…

23 shares on Messenger this month:

Girls be like, “I know a spot,” then sacrifice you under the full moon.

18 shares on X this month:

This simulation is no longer boring, since they replaced management.

34 shares on Telegram this month:

Really just want to meet someone who knows what songs not to talk over.

93 shares on YouTube this month:

If she says “you are my world” remember there are other planets. Stay alert, kings!

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

I don’t even know what the Transformers are fighting about, to be honest.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Fun fact: a person’s music taste can actually tell their intelligence level.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

I hope we’re good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

Women are so hot, I wish they were good people.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

I don’t think people are actually getting any dumber. I think stupid people have just become way more confident.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

The adult version of “head, shoulders, knees and toes” is “wallet, glasses, keys and phone.”

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

My five-year plan is to just see what happens.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

Are you my pinky toe, because I will bang you on all my furniture.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Going to work has backfired on me so many times.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Imagine the sound a centipede would make if they wore tiny flip flops.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Snapchat:

Taking action is my least favorite thing to take.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

What if they close grocery stores and we have to hunt for our food? I don’t even know where the little gummy bears live.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I wish people had mute buttons in real life.

Spotted on Facebook:

Coffee is just goth water.

Just landed via Instagram:

If I had a bf, I’d be a gf.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

There should be 1 day a month without commercials.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I’m so thankful I live on the planet that has pizza.

Breaking via Instagram:

Isn’t it weird that we have one hand that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like ‘I don’t know how to hold a pencil.’

Live now on WhatsApp:

Startup idea: Instagram, but it only shows you posts from people you follow, and they’re in chronological order.

Just landed via Threads:

I would definitely deny being from here if the aliens pulled up and asked. Not claiming this embarrassing planet in front of intergalactic travelers, are you dumb?

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Activity Log ✨

The first person to throw out bath water: Uh oh.

I’m perverted, but in an elegant and whimsical way.

It’s so beautiful when two real perverts find each other.

Explain it to me like I’m 5 drinks in.

Can someone please fix the algorithm of my life?

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The first person to throw out bath water: Uh oh.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I’m perverted, but in an elegant and whimsical way.

It’s so beautiful when two real perverts find each other.

Explain it to me like I’m 5 drinks in.

I can always tell what part of my cycle I’m in by how concerned my friends are over my Tweets.

Can someone please fix the algorithm of my life?

Having Twitter is just like reading the newspaper, except the newspaper is on fire and all the writers hate you.

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