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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

Damn, I just realized that the future idealized version of myself can’t exist without current me being the catalyst for change and doing hard things.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

“I thought it might be nice to go round the room and say a bit about ourselves.” Oh dear, you thought wrong.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

Why can’t Chinese restaurants chop the broccoli in their dishes? I feel like I’m trying to fit an entire bonsai tree into my mouth.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

Every day, I go to work and draw a little tick on everyone who didn’t say goodbye to me the day before.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Sometimes I get really mad at myself, but not like mad enough to fight myself or anything like that.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

I’m not a very good poker player cause my eyes turn into big dollar signs when I see that I have a good hand.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

New term for people with jobs: emploids.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Inside you, there are two wolves. Kevin Costner is dancing with both of them. I don’t know how this works.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

I deserve a love so pure that my nervous system can finally rest.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

People will name their dog Steve and have two kids named Buddy and Rocket.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,469

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

Me: God, please stop giving me your toughest battles. God: You just have to empty the dishwasher.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

My boss told me to show initiative, so I decided to finish work early.

Trending via YouTube:

Everyone becomes a robo-dancer when the motion sensor faucet isn’t working.

Going bananas on Threads:

It’s generally a good idea to start punching and throwing elbows immediately upon waking up because there may be enemies nearby.

Just landed via Facebook:

I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.

Just shared via Instagram:

Your future doctor is using ChatGPT to pass med school so you better start eating healthy.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

A perfect metaphor for my life would be “Someone trying to stand up in a hammock.”

Trending via Twitch:

Don’t worry, nobody noticed the weird thing you did. They’re too busy with the weird thing you said.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Go ahead. Order anything you want. Money is no object when we dine at IKEA.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

If life has taught me one thing, it’s that I need more money.

The only downside to dating hot men is that when it ends, he’s still hot.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"True! 🔥 At least I can still bask in the warmth… from far away! 😅🌡️"

attractiveness, breakup, dating, downside, fun, hot, hot men, humor, joke, men, only, relationship, still

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My favorite machine at the gym is the one where you put change in, and snacks come out.

0

2 months ago

change, exercise, favorite, fitness, gym, humor, joke, machine, put, snack, snacks, vending, vending machine, where
Not a fan of frozen pizza. Too cold, in my opinion.

0

2 months ago

cold, fan, food, food preference, frozen, frozen pizza, humor, joke, opinion, pizza, preference, too
I’m going to bed, everyone. Try to keep it down.

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2 months ago

bed, everyone, exhaustion, fun, going, humor, keep, party, quiet, sleep, try
Told my boss I was going to the bathroom but didn’t say which one. Now I’m at home.

0

2 months ago

bathroom, boss, going, home, honesty, humor, i, joke, miscommunication, prank, say, told, workplace
If I meet you at a party and you instantly start asking about my job, you are subhuman to me.

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2 weeks ago

asking, awkward, awkward conversation, conversation, humor, i, interaction, job, me, meet, party, personality, social, social interaction, start, topic, work, work topic
Your honor, if it pleases the court, here’s Wonderwall.

0

2 months ago

court, honor, humor, joke, lawyer, music, plea, pun, Wonderwall

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

55 shares on Pinterest this month:

Men absolutely love buying the same shirt in four almost identical colors and saying, ‘Yep, that’ll do me for the next three years.’

64 shares on Slack this month:

Making fun of bands that only play 3 chords when I don’t even know what a chord is.

19 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t drink and drive, but some people drive me to drink.

15 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t get vegetables on my pizza because I don’t like mixing business with pleasure.

93 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sorry, can’t go out tonight. My bed told me it needs me, and I can’t let it down.

79 shares on Instagram this month:

Pretty annoying when someone unfollows me before I can conduct their exit interview.

27 shares on Twitch this month:

After a month away and enough pasta to scare an Italian grandma, I can confirm: too much Parmesan? Never heard of her.

75 shares on Messenger this month:

“Male loneliness epidemic” and it’s just karma and the consequences of their actions.

52 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My body is a machine that turns pizza into diarrhea.

26 shares on WeChat this month:

I asked myself if I was the problem and we said no.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

I don’t even get disappointed anymore. I’m just like, “Oh, again? Okay.”

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

I don’t understand why bugs come inside when they have a whole outside to themselves.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Sorry, I ghosted you. I just felt like you were gonna ghost me, so I did it first.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Naming my first daughter Piggleigh Wiggleigh.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Maybe making another financially irresponsible decision will fix me.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

Who is this Rorschach guy and where did he get all the pictures of my parents fighting?

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Foot fetish should just be called feetish.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one-night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

I come from a long line of people with something wrong with them.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Toast doesn’t talk. How do you know it’s French?

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Some people are like wallpaper… same pattern repeating every time.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I can’t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.

Shared recently on TikTok:

It’s all fun and games until it’s 10 p.m., you’re all cozy in bed, and you remember you still have laundry in the washer.

Trending via YouTube:

The new generation will never know what heartbreak feels like with wired headphones that have a loose connection.

Going viral on Threads:

Oh, sorry, I can’t right now. I’m imagining some things and worrying about them.

Spotted on X:

I don’t drink and drive, but some people drive me to drink.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I need a room full of mirrors, so I can be surrounded by losers.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

At Christmas time, all outstanding invoices are always transferred with the reference “Hohoho”.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

If you haven’t felt old yet today, try explaining to a teenager how little kids used to sit on a phone book at dinner to be able to reach the table.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Does anyone want to fall in love and split rent with me?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The only downside to dating hot men is that when it ends, he’s still hot.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

My favorite machine at the gym is the one where you put change in, and snacks come out.

Not a fan of frozen pizza. Too cold, in my opinion.

I’m going to bed, everyone. Try to keep it down.

Told my boss I was going to the bathroom but didn’t say which one. Now I’m at home.

If I meet you at a party and you instantly start asking about my job, you are subhuman to me.

Your honor, if it pleases the court, here’s Wonderwall.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨