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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Έ has viewed:

Other people: You should get out of your comfort zone. Me: You should get out of my comfort zone.

Someone from πŸ‡·πŸ‡Ί has copied:

I keep checking my phone like I mean something to somebody. Silly me.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡« has viewed:

If you’re wondering how motherhood is going, I’m watching a TV show and someone is in traction with a full body cast and I sighed and said “That looks so relaxing”

Someone from πŸ‡·πŸ‡Ό has downloaded:

You should be allowed to leave work early if you are really in love.

Someone from πŸ‡·πŸ‡Ό has downloaded:

Apparently you’re not supposed to announce that there’s been a death in the family every time you kill a houseplant.

Someone from πŸ‡―πŸ‡² has shared:

Super quick question: does anyone know what the point is?

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡© has bookmarked:

Just came back from my walk, and I was right about everything.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¬ has bookmarked:

How did they get kids to pose for oil paintings? Mine won’t sit still for 4 seconds for a family photo.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡Ή has viewed:

If food delivery apps had never been invented, I would either be wildly rich or dead.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡± has downloaded:

Can someone please invent 8 hours between 9 p.m. and midnight?

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,716

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Might quit my job to focus on actually putting away my laundry.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Shoutout to coughing on the bus. Haven’t tried it myself but seems really popular.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I get you, bowel syndrome. I’m irritable, too.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Whoever named rice cakes is probably also responsible for Paris, Texas.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I realized being an adult is just feeling too tired to function, and then functioning.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Venmo is my favorite social media site. I love to see my boy John charge his wife for Martinis.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

As I’m cleaning my room, this is a friendly reminder that you actually don’t need that free t-shirt or tote bag from that event.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I know sacrifice. I’m willing to pluck a few extra hairs to get to the white ones.

Going viral on Telegram:

If i had $5 for every time I said up yours to someone, my butler would be saying it for me.

Seen just now on Threads:

If you knock down a policeman, they’ll get backup.

The problem is I am always the problem.

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The problem is I am always the problem.
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Commentary:
"Guess I'm the plot twist in my own life! πŸ™ƒπŸ”„"

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

Social Media Stars ⭐

49 shares on Slack this month:

Sorry, I missed your call. I watched it ring and everything.

59 shares on Threads this month:

Life can only give you lemons if you answer the door.

72 shares on Messenger this month:

Best lie you heard was eat all your food so you can be big and strong. Now look at you. Just big.

60 shares on Snapchat this month:

Restaurant toilets are dangerous! So many of my dates have gone to use them and vanished.

73 shares on TikTok this month:

My coworkers think I’m always busy, but I’m really just trying to remember my password.

65 shares on Threads this month:

You ever liked a song so much you restart it before it even finishes?

73 shares on WeChat this month:

Name a better duo than sad and depressed.

89 shares on TikTok this month:

Spell your crush’s name backwards, mine is yenom.

47 shares on Telegram this month:

The dragon with the girl tattoo.

19 shares on Reddit this month:

My bed is from Ikea, so it’s more unstable than i am.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

22 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Sometimes I think about Adam and Eve and how they couldn’t even get a babysitter.

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

My burning question is who thought a two day weekend would suffice the human body.

10 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

My favorite part of Spring is its rolls.

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Commas are like garlic, you measure with your heart.

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I wish every day had 30,000 hours, and that I had unlimited Adderall and was unemployed.

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Summer is the best because there’s always a chance I’ll see someone trip on their own flip flop.

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I may be a chaotic mess, but then so is quantum physics.

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

The pumpkin was invented in 1942 when a watermelon put on a pair of corduroys.

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

It’s really sad that April Fools is the only day people are appropriately skeptical of stuff they read on the internet.

15 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Need to win the lottery so I can focus on going to museums and working out.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,358

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡· has downloaded:

Woke up, twerked in the mirror and laid back down.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡Ύ has viewed:

I’ve got 50 minutes to make it look like I’ve been flossing for the last 6 months.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡¦ has viewed:

A sperm bank implies the existence of sperm markets, which further implies the existence of high-frequency sperm trading.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡© has copied:

Adding geologist to my resume after hitting rock bottom.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡· has bookmarked:

Life on other planets be like: “I hope those lunatics don’t discover us!”

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡² has copied:

Several of my internal organs hurt, but I’m 100% sure it’s not my body trying to tell me something.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡¦ has bookmarked:

My wife trusts me with a joint bank account but when I’m loading the dishwasher she always walks in the kitchen β€œto get something.”

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡­ has bookmarked:

Tired of being the responsible adult. When can I become the irresponsible adult?

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡» has downloaded:

This place was really tidy yesterday. It’s a shame you missed it.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡ͺ has viewed:

RIP to everyone killed by the Gods for their hubris, but I’m different. And better. Maybe even better than the Gods.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Shared recently on Telegram:

I’m not falling for it again. These missions have been successful 8 times already.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Nurse: “This may hurt.” Me: “My life hasn’t been much fun either.”

Making waves on Messenger:

It’s so funny how every true crime documentary eventually devolves into a story about how the police botched the entire investigation.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Lately, when I meet new people, I ask them what their hobbies are instead of what they do for work, and let me tell you, the conversations have been absolutely top tier!

Going viral on WhatsApp:

There’s a reason we say cheese and not salad when we have to smile for a photo.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Twitter account so good even HR wants to see it.

Breaking via YouTube:

On my way to Mordor. You nerds need anything?

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Me: I love you more than a flower loves the sun. Him: I love you more than a teenager loves his phone.

Making waves on WeChat:

Establish dominance at work by telling your coworkers they look tired before they get a chance to say it to you.

Spotted on X:

A hot tub is basically a big bowl of human soup.

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