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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Nothing ruins an introvert’s day like a 4 p.m. appointment.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

God, please, for once in my life, let me get what I want.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

If a door closes, you can just open it again. That is a door. Doors work like this.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

When I look at the world, I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

Your suitcase just texted. It’s getting bored.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

Sitting on the middle seat of this flight and both my seatmates are reading my book over my shoulder. Should I just start reading it aloud?

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

Imagine being all knowing and still putting a snake in charge of apples.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Good morning to everyone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

If you need me, I’ll be in the shower pretending I can sing.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

I love beating a dead horse with the girls. There is nothing better than a Saturday night rehashing, and never letting that horse rest in peace.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,369

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

Twerk unto others as you would have them twerk unto you.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Feels like the Chinese government turned up the power on the sleepy ray they use on me every morning.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I wasn’t feeling well so I googled my symptoms. I either have allergies or I died two days ago.

Just shared via X:

No one ever talks about the 6th love language (being annoying).

Going viral on Discord:

My swear jar is filing for an IPO soon.

Seen just now on Discord:

My sister: snowboards. My brother: skateboards. Me: charcuterie boards.

Just landed via Slack:

It was all revealed to me in a delusion.

Going viral on WeChat:

You can never really “own” earbuds. You just have to appreciate the time you had together.

Just landed via Telegram:

The porn bots liking my posts from years ago is just reminding me that I’ve always been hilarious.

Just landed via Discord:

I’m terrified of escalators, so I’m taking steps to avoid them.

The sexual tension between my tendency to do something stupid and my resolve not to.

3 weeks ago

Witty quote about the humorous struggle between impulsiveness and self-control.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the eternal struggle between our inner genius and inner chaos! 🧠🌪️ It's like a dramatic tango between sensible decisions and spontaneous whims. 🕺💥 Will they ever find a harmonious balance, or are we doomed to forever grapple with our own comedic turmoil? Only time (and a solid dose of self-awareness) will tell! 😉🤹‍♂️

conflict, decision, humor, impulse, resolve, something, stupid, stupidity, tendency, tension

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

66 shares on Telegram this month:

Fall fashion: where we all transform into stylish, toasty marshmallows!

58 shares on Threads this month:

They say white people don’t have their own culture, but I just got invited to a gender reveal party for a dog, and there’s no way we appropriated that from anyone else.

21 shares on Twitch this month:

My middle finger salutes you.

14 shares on Telegram this month:

My goal was to look good in a bikini this summer, but the call of the barbecue is stronger.

30 shares on X this month:

You know those couples who share their food? I mean, what kind of people are they? Aren’t they hungry?

24 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I often wonder how men could discover entire continents. Mine can’t even find the butter in the fridge.

67 shares on Snapchat this month:

Being bi means you say both yay and bruh.

91 shares on Threads this month:

I run a parody bank account.

35 shares on Instagram this month:

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they’re dead.

70 shares on Reddit this month:

100% of all babіes are unemployed. Pathetіc.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I need to hire someone to just constantly slap food out of my hand.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Over Christmas, some bastard has snuck into my house, gone into my wardrobe, stolen my work trousers, and replaced them with a smaller pair.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever invented the “skip intro” button really understood humans.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

The goose: Canada’s most violent saxophone.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Microdosing hell by checking the web every day.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I met the real Santa tonight, and he said you’re all in trouble.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Can we get some A.I. to pick plastic out of the ocean, or do all the robots need to be poets?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate it when I check my transactions history, and everything adds up like damn, so no one stole from me.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Waiting for toast to toast takes forever unless you walk away for 10 seconds, then it burns.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,323

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

It sucks that crazy people ruined wearing tinfoil hats for those of us that just did it for fashion purposes.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

I find that age is just a number, and the older you get, the number you get.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

What if babies had two umbilical cords and if you cut the wrong one, it exploded?

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

There’s no bigger test of patience than typing your email address in on a TV with the remote.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

Getting the ick because he put the windshield wipers on at a higher rate than was needed.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

If you’re bored when you’re alone, obviously you’re in bad company.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

This Thanksgiving, don’t ask me questions about my life, just pass the mashed potatoes.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

You’re not really a writer unless you send at least one email a month with a script attachment, saying, “Sorry, read this one instead.”

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

I love chatty cats like, yeah, bro, meow meow, you’re so right.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

Got a new high score on my bathroom scale.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WhatsApp:

So, technically, Moses is the first man to download files from the cloud using a tablet.

Making waves on Threads:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? I don’t even know where I am right now.

Going viral on X:

Every time my kids start whining, I get the urge to call my mom and apologize.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Every night at bedtime I do one small ritual: six hours on my cell phone.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

My favorite body lotion is Voltaren.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Nothing more humbling than being at a karaoke birthday party with a bunch of singers.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I’ve never met a problem I couldn’t make worse.

Just shared via WeChat:

I can do anything, as long as there’s a looming deadline and serious consequences.

Just landed via TikTok:

Getting a boner because the Lego instructions are telling me what to do.

Seen just now on Twitch:

If you live in the same hemisphere as me, you’ve probably already heard me sneeze.

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