Home Funny Quotes Thoughts more intrusive than a 90s sitcom neighbor.

Thoughts more intrusive than a 90s sitcom neighbor.

14 hours ago

Commentary:
"Having more intrusive thoughts than a 90s sitcom neighbor 🤯🏠 – at least you won't hear the laugh track every time they pop up! 😆 #MindFullHouse"

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There’s a disgusting pervert at the bar watching pornography over my shoulder.

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People who talk about fruit having too much sugar scare me so bad. Please get back, you wicked witch!

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Men used to go to war, now they drinking matcha.

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Have you ever met the human version of a headache?

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People don’t have demonically glowing red eyes in photographs like they used to.

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You want me to do Pilates? The thing that killed Jesus?

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It’s not my fault that when I said you looked “stunning” you assumed I meant in a positive way.

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If you ever need me, I’m always just a couple missed calls and text messages away.

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“Stalking”. God forbid I have access to public information and know how to utilize my resources.

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No longer chasing dreams. If they want me, they know where I nap.

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Terrifying if true: Her eyes lighting up a room.

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Don’t talk to me about regrets if you’ve never had someone’s name tattooed on you.

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“Likes your story” is a declaration of love.

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What we need is an evil Santa who steals our children’s most annoying toys.

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Being an adult is like folding a fitted sheet.

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