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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

As long as I’m alive, I can begin again and again and again, again and again and again, again and again and again.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

Please make sure you are only drinking as much water as you REALLY need. We need that for the data centers. If you’re thirsty, AI is thirsty too.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

Apparently it’s inappropriate to yell out “Shots, shots, shots, shots” while your child’s getting immunizations at the pediatrician’s office.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 40s: it’s Saturday night so you know what that means, absolutely nothing, go to bed.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

They are all liars, so just pick the tallest and enjoy.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

Your honor, my client would like to play on his phone for a little bit

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

I see you liked my selfie, but what about my ideas?

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

I asked myself if I was toxic and we said no.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

If the office is always a little cold, you might be working for the lizard people.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

I’m often mistaken for an adult because of my age.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

217 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,486

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,486

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,446

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Trying to be cute today but my face isn’t cooperating.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I don’t wanna start the year with any negativity so if you and I have had issues in the past, apologize to me immediately.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Welcome to Twitter, someone from an unhappy home will attend to you shortly.

Freshly posted on X:

Ten million people accused me of exaggerating today.

Making waves on Reddit:

Just blocked someone for correcting my spelling and it feelded great.

Shared recently on YouTube:

When my wife packs for a trip she basically moves out.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I’ve been saying for years that cigs are better for you than vapes, and the vindication I feel now is just orgasmic.

Just landed via Facebook:

I used to think I was indecisive, but I’m not so sure anymore.

Breaking via Instagram:

If you’re bored when you’re alone, obviously you’re in bad company.

Going bananas on Instagram:

I can’t believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician. I was just sitting there doing nothing.

To all the people who ask singles why they are actually single: Please don’t. We have sworn an oath and are not allowed to tell you the secret of our success.

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To all the people who ask singles why they are actually single: Please don’t. We have sworn an oath and are not allowed to tell you the secret of our success.
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Commentary:
"Why are you still single?" they ask, unaware that singles are actually part of an exclusive secret society 🤫🤐 Their success lies in the mysterious oaths they've taken and the secret love potion they keep hidden in their mismatched socks drawer! 🧦💕 #SingleAndSecretive #SquadGoals

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

82 shares on Messenger this month:

Pouring Diet Coke directly into my gunshot wound.

10 shares on YouTube this month:

Is there an app yet that converts voice messages into text messages?

24 shares on Messenger this month:

If you’re dating an alpha female, you need to know that they need to be babied at night, or else they will turn into a dragon.

58 shares on Facebook this month:

I haven’t broken a mirror lately, but my water broke and I’ve had seven years of kids crawling into my bed.

55 shares on Threads this month:

There’s nothing like the first two months with a man when he’s still pretending to be a good person.

34 shares on Instagram this month:

If I was a weather man, I’d leak the weather early to pretty women.

59 shares on YouTube this month:

Dear Apple, at no point will I ever text someone “he’ll yeah” ..

51 shares on Threads this month:

The T in depression stands for the therapy places that are immediately available.

32 shares on Snapchat this month:

If history is repeating itself, when can I buy a pet dinosaur?

85 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I always figure it out on my own, I just need to panic first.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Normalise following up to an ignored email with “helllooooooo?”

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your card out of your wallet.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

My toxic trait is that I expect people to have common sense, and I get mad when they don’t.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I miss whatever age I was when I thought five dollars was a lot of money.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Playdates were invented to force parents into cleaning their home.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

“I don’t care!”, he posted, again.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Uber drivers have secret access to a streaming service of exclusively the worst music you’ve ever heard.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t know much, but I know this: the older you get, the faster the number of things you’re willing to wait in line for approaches zero.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

So glad that the dream I had of you isn’t affecting me at all, and I’m able to go on with my day without thinking of it.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t go keto, go pirate. Rum, fish and beef jerky diet.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

217 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,486

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,486

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,415

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

Is it smoky eye or were you wearing mascara and your eyes got itchy?

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Do mens sneezes get louder and louder as they age until they explode?

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

If you order a pizza with veggies on it, you can tell people you had a salad.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

The reason my eyes are dilated is because I am so attracted to you, officer.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

Nobody lures you into a gingerbread house in the forest anymore.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

It can be so healing to stay up until 3am. Unfortunately, it will also completely ruin your life.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

My red flag is that I don’t make playlists on Spotify. I just add every song I’ve ever liked to the ‘Liked Songs’ playlist and shuffle that, like an iPod.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

I don’t think human beings were built to know everything going on in the world all the time.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Do you ever look into your cats eyes and realize that a person is inside there?

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

“Why are you so quiet?” Because I’m barely even here.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

I feel like smashing my phone would be cathartic.

Seen just now on Discord:

Ah, the magical land of Monday—the gift that keeps not giving!

Shared recently on Twitch:

Interviewer: Why do you want to work in customer service? Me: Well, I’m really good at apologizing for things that aren’t my fault.

Going viral on Reddit:

I’m not actively avoiding you. I don’t actively do anything.

Going bananas on Facebook:

I miss when bills were none of my business.

Seen just now on Discord:

AI is trained on what we write, so if we want to save our jobs we should all write really badly for a while. I’ve been doing my bit for years.

Going viral on TikTok:

Stopping a complete stranger on the street and saying, “Let’s end this little charade.”

Seen just now on Messenger:

Me gasping and flipping off the vultures as they circle above the running track.

Going viral on Snapchat:

If I were god, I would’ve rested all 7 days.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Wishing all the contacts in my phone “Merry Christmas, I hope you get what you deserve” and just letting that work itself out.

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