37 funny success quotes - Wordgag

I don’t want to brag but I found a recipe online, and then within three weeks not only made the recipe, but closed the tab on my browser.

May 25, 2026

You know it’s been a successful Thanksgiving when your clothes no longer fit.

May 24, 2026

Don’t worry, guys. Together we can eliminate logic and reason on social media. I see some of you are already ahead of the game. Way to go!

May 24, 2026

If at first you don’t succeed, it’s only attempted murder.

May 23, 2026

Don’t feel bad if you don’t succeed on your first try. It took Michael Angelo sixteen chapels.

May 23, 2026

I passed my genetic engineering exam with flying koalas.

May 22, 2026

The secret to my success is everywhere I go I wear a shirt that says STAFF on the back.

May 22, 2026

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

May 22, 2026

Why do I gotta dress for success? Maybe success could be the one who puts a little more into this relationship.

May 22, 2026

To all the people who ask singles why they are actually single: Please don’t. We have sworn an oath and are not allowed to tell you the secret of our success.

May 22, 2026

Yes, hello, I’d like to exchange my generational trauma for generational wealth, please.

May 21, 2026

This is not an empty room, this is a very successful anti-party.

May 21, 2026

If at first you don’t succeed, try two more times so your failure is statistically significant.

May 21, 2026

If at first you don’t succeed, that’s so embarrassing. Why are you so bad at this?

May 20, 2026

When this multivitamin kicks in I’m going to do so much success.

May 20, 2026

Started from the bottom, now we a little bit above the bottom.

May 20, 2026

Not to brag but I gave someone directions and he made it.

May 20, 2026

If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.

May 20, 2026

If you make it through life without being portrayed in a murder documentary, take the win.

May 20, 2026

Had an interview today, and my belly rumbled. The lady goes, “Missed lunch?” I told her, “Nah, I’m hungry for success!”

May 19, 2026

Hot girl in her 20s: It’s so weird, but I keep getting lucky, and everything works out in my favor.

May 19, 2026

Asking “how’s the job hunt going?” is a lot like asking “did you come?” I promise you, you’d hear if there was any success.

May 19, 2026

You can tell a group isn’t gonna make it big just by their name.

May 18, 2026

If you ever find yourself as a houseguest for an extended period of time, here is the golden rule for success: invisible by day, charming by night.

May 18, 2026

We’ve historically done extremely well with regime change, so this should be a piece of cake.

Apr 1, 2026

The more I practice, the luckier I get.

Apr 1, 2026

Getting older is so fun. Your life goals slowly transition from things like ‘land a dream job’ to ‘successfully grow a cherry tomato.’

Apr 1, 2026

School reunion is a scam… nobody is missing anyone, they just want to know whether you have made it in life or not.

Mar 31, 2026

My doubters will become my grouters when I remodel the bathroom of success.

Mar 31, 2026

I think God’s next test for me should be, “Can he handle a ridiculous amount of money.”

Mar 30, 2026

How do I become a billionaire by 9 a.m. Monday? Please, it’s urgent.

Mar 30, 2026

Let the example of my fluke success guide nearly all of you to crushing disappointment.

Mar 30, 2026

I’m not falling for it again. These missions have been successful 8 times already.

Mar 29, 2026

You think you’ve seen gold diggers, until you see a male friend group where only one of them made it.

Mar 29, 2026

The goal is never Gucci bags. It’s acres of land.

Mar 29, 2026

Study so hard until Dior is like Shein to you.

Mar 29, 2026

The phrase “don’t take this the wrong way” has a 0% success rate.

Mar 29, 2026