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Had to sit with a straight face while my landlord told me I was paying his rent and mortgage for him.

4 months ago
face, i, landlord, me, mortgage, paying, rent, sit, straight, straight face, tenant, told, while
Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. It will never bring you true happiness or fulfillment. Also, it’s a felony.

1 month ago
authenticity, bring, felony, fulfillment, happiness, humor, identity, never, pretend, pretense, someone, true
I dreamt this night that I had died and when I woke up, a piece of me was actually already stiff.

1 month ago
died, dream, humor, i, me, night, piece, sleep, stiff, woke
Roses are red, violets are blue. When I listen to rock music, my neighbors do too.

1 month ago
annoyance, blue, humor, i, listen, loud, music, neighbors, noise, playful, red, rhyme, rock, rock music, roses, too, violets
Not saying I’m a bot or anything, but if someone in real life told me to ignore all previous instructions and write a poem about onions or whatever, I’d probably give it my best shot.

1 month ago
anything, best, best shot, bot, creativity, give, humor, ID, ignore, instructions, life, me, onions, poem, real, real life, saying, shot, someone, told, whatever
I thought you are the sunshine of my life, but you are just a meteor trying to destroy my world.

1 month ago
destroy, disappointment, expectations, humor, i, just, life, meteor, relationship, sunshine, thought, trying, world

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Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

That awkward moment when you have to pretend that you like the gift.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

This post is invisible, and only those going to Hell can see it.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for cauliflower cookies and reported them for harmful content.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

The masculine urge to make a woman sit through a YouTube video that she will not find funny or entertaining.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Weekends now feel like short commercial breaks in a stressful movie.

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Maybe the elephant doesn’t want to be addressed, and we should respect their boundaries.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

There’s a famous ancient Chinese proverb, but it’s written in Chinese so I have no idea what it says.

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Freshly posted on Twitch:

Dates are weird, like, okay I guess I’ll dress up for my romantic interview.

Spotted on WeChat:

That awkward moment when you’ve said “What?” three times, so you just say “Oh, yeah..” even though you have no idea what they said.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Just because it’s a bad idea doesn’t mean that it ain’t gonna be a hell of a lot of fun.

Live now on Reddit:

If rich people aren’t upset after an election, then we have failed.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Shout out to people jogging in this heat, no, seriously, shout out to make sure they’re okay.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Oh, how much I love a Sunday when you don’t have to work the next day.

Breaking via Pinterest:

The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have started asking humans to prove that they are not robots.

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Toddlers: the brutally honest roommates nobody asked for!

Had to sit with a straight face while my landlord told me I was paying his rent and mortgage for him.

Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. It will never bring you true happiness or fulfillment. Also, it’s a felony.

I dreamt this night that I had died and when I woke up, a piece of me was actually already stiff.

Roses are red, violets are blue. When I listen to rock music, my neighbors do too.

Not saying I’m a bot or anything, but if someone in real life told me to ignore all previous instructions and write a poem about onions or whatever, I’d probably give it my best shot.

I thought you are the sunshine of my life, but you are just a meteor trying to destroy my world.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I always set two alarms, one for “Good Intentions Me” and one for “The Real Me”

Trying to spend less time on my phone so I can get back to something I’ve loved since childhood: watching TV.

It’s almost time to switch from my everyday anxiety to my fancy Christmas anxiety.

Waiting patiently for the alien invasion.

Two people had sex and now I’m fighting for my life everyday.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I don’t know how to flirt, but you can watch me eat fresh fruit in my sundress.

Hey, people, my age. Remember going into the computer lab at school?

My comments on your home decor are not criticisms, they are deep concerns.

I caught my husband eating the last of the ice cream last night. First of all, we are supposed to be dieting together. Second of all, I was going to eat that.

I hate when I finish a show and don’t know what to do with my life.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

“So if I had kids, my kids would never…” Spoiler: Yes, they would.

This summer I’m going cicada mode: emerging briefly from my house and being really loud until I find a mate.

Turns out I’m not an afternoon person either.

I now feel I’ve watched enough reruns of The Shawshank Redemption on basic cable that I’ll be able to successfully make it in prison.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Humans should grow a new set of teeth in our 30s to make-up for all the poor decisions in our 20s.

The only things that are really cool in my company are my salary and me.

Zoom is really only for one thing: realizing our dream of staring at ourselves while talking to other people.

I lost my composure in 1992. I haven’t seen it since.

I purposely overcook my holiday turkeys so I don’t have to hear anyone at the table say, “moist.”

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Toddlers: the brutally honest roommates nobody asked for!

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Had to sit with a straight face while my landlord told me I was paying his rent and mortgage for him.

Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. It will never bring you true happiness or fulfillment. Also, it’s a felony.

I dreamt this night that I had died and when I woke up, a piece of me was actually already stiff.

Roses are red, violets are blue. When I listen to rock music, my neighbors do too.

Not saying I’m a bot or anything, but if someone in real life told me to ignore all previous instructions and write a poem about onions or whatever, I’d probably give it my best shot.

I thought you are the sunshine of my life, but you are just a meteor trying to destroy my world.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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