Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

Flirting is easy until it’s someone you actually like.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

Whenever I’m with real yappers, I realize I might actually be a listener.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

I used to be a night owl, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more of a person who doesn’t function at any time.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

I am a friend to all cats. Yes, even the mean ones. They have their reasons.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Serious replies to silly posts are now illegal. Go talk to your wife.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Note to self: Very important! First hang up, then insult.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Life is like bread. It gets hard at some point.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

It’s getting slide guitar and harmonica hot outside.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

Don’t tell me about Stockholm Syndrome, I woke up at 6 AM on my first day of vacation wondering how things were going at work.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Being bilingual means stuttering in both languages.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,436

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

Listen up. If he hooks his sunglasses in the front collar of his shirt, he’s got something important to say.

Spotted on Threads:

Welcome to your 40’s. You now have a favorite vegetable peeler.

Just landed via Reddit:

The secret to my success is everywhere I go I wear a shirt that says STAFF on the back.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Okay, new plan, I’m going to marry a Kardashian.

Just landed via YouTube:

Black Friday used to have heart. I wanna see someone get clocked for a Wii.

Live now on Reddit:

Sorry, I can’t go out this weekend. I went out last weekend, and I’m still recovering from that.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Sorry I was late, I was disassociating in the shower.

Just landed via Pinterest:

No haunted houses for me this year. If I wanna be frightened, I’ll just look at my 401k.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

You can’t truly refer to yourself as an adult until you catch yourself getting really angry when the grocery store changes their layout.

Trying to bribe Monday with coffee to get it to act like a Friday.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like Monday needs an espresso intervention to get its act together 🤔☕️➡️🎉

act, bribe, coffee, Friday, humor, Monday, motivation, procrastination, trying, weekday, workday

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I woke up deciding to incorporate the parkour lifestyle into my daily life then reconsidered as I fell over again putting my jeans on.

0

2 months ago

again, daily, daily life, decision, fall, humor, i, jeans, life, lifestyle, morning, morning routine, over, parkour, routine, struggle
The trick is to not let people know how weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out.

0

2 months ago

back, back out, humor, late, people, personality, relationship, surprise, trick, weird
Just spoke to my wife while the internet was down. She seems nice. She’s a nurse apparently.

0

2 months ago

conversation, humor, internet, just, nice, nurse, relationship, wife
If pills are too toxic to flush down the toilet, you probably shouldn’t swallow them.

0

2 months ago

advice, environment, flush, health, humor, medicine, pharmacy, pills, swallow, toilet, too, toxic, toxicity
Today’s kids don’t even get chicken pox anymore, they go straight to STDs.

0

1 week ago

chicken, chicken pox, childhood, disease, even, gap, generation, generation gap, health, humor, infection, kid, kids, pox, STD, straight
Men invented arm wrestling so they could hold hands and look into each other’s eyes.

0

2 months ago

arm, arm wrestling, bonding, contact, eye, eye contact, eyes, hands, hold, humor, invention, male, male bonding, men, others, playful, romance, wrestling

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

40 shares on X this month:

I told my daughter to check her attitude, and she responded, “For complaints about attitude, please contact the manufacturer.”

11 shares on Messenger this month:

It’s hard dating someone who has been single for a long time. Any slight inconvenience, and they’ll crawl back into their peaceful abode. No stress.

39 shares on Facebook this month:

I’ll stop smoking weed when life stops smoking me.

51 shares on Slack this month:

Post beach shower is undefeated. Greatest feeling a human could experience. Throw a nap in there, and you will never touch serenity so close.

18 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m chronically online in a different and more sophisticated way than you are.

90 shares on Snapchat this month:

I need to start hiding my money from myself.

10 shares on Pinterest this month:

Sticking googly eyes on a potato and introducing him to everyone as my new boyfriend.

82 shares on Reddit this month:

What is the morning wood equivalent for women, and why do I always have it?

88 shares on Snapchat this month:

Managers want a week of silence and meditation in order to be even more of a manager afterwards.

12 shares on Messenger this month:

People who are on Twitter and put intelligent in their bio, good one.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

Once my school teacher lectured me for unacceptable behavior. That’s 30 mins of sleep I am never getting back

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

I don’t freak out until I see the Buddhists freaking out.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

God: “I told you to love thy neighbor – not start trade wars with them.”

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

“Your password is too weak!” Just wait until you see my impulse control.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

If history repeats itself, I’m getting a pet dinosaur.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

Noam Chomsky is a crazy name, like you sound hungry as f***.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

Some of you aren’t reading the room. Not even listening to the room on audiobook.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

If she forgives you, then 30 minutes later comes back mad again: that means she told her friends in her group chat, and the board of directors did not agree.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Every day, I go to work and draw a little tick on everyone who didn’t say goodbye to me the day before.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

If I worked construction, I would always say, “It’s hammer time,” when I left for work.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

I like it when you’re reading a comic and you can tell the writer is pissed about what the last writer did to the character.

Live now on TikTok:

If you’re out shopping today, be nice to retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited until Marys waters broke before you started your shopping.

Just shared via Twitch:

I love putting on warm underwear fresh out of the dryer. Plus, it’s fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I am like a wildflower, a quiet rebellion blooming through ruins and dust.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Just googled “insanity” over and over but was expecting different results.

Seen just now on Messenger:

People text “Happy New Year” and go missing for the rest of the year!

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Living alone is so dumb, you’ll be asking your pets if they’ve seen your phone, and those lazy bastards never know.

Spotted on Snapchat:

What’s the point of having sex dreams if you always wake up just when it’s getting down to business?

Going viral on Messenger:

I always feel sleepy, except when I want to sleep.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Aside from cocaine, has anyone figured out what that little pocket on your jeans is for?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Trying to bribe Monday with coffee to get it to act like a Friday.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I woke up deciding to incorporate the parkour lifestyle into my daily life then reconsidered as I fell over again putting my jeans on.

The trick is to not let people know how weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out.

Just spoke to my wife while the internet was down. She seems nice. She’s a nurse apparently.

If pills are too toxic to flush down the toilet, you probably shouldn’t swallow them.

Today’s kids don’t even get chicken pox anymore, they go straight to STDs.

Men invented arm wrestling so they could hold hands and look into each other’s eyes.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨