Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

I hope this email makes you quit your job.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Anytime someone throws a Great Gatsby themed party, I have to assume they never finished the book.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

I stop myself at least twice a day from posting a status that would make everyone grab popcorn.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

By my second “could we change the subject?” I could feel the job interview going south.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Wife bought something on FB Marketplace, but she’s afraid she’ll get kidnapped, so she sends me to pick it up from a guy whose wife sent him because she’s afraid to get kidnapped.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

Just because it’s a bad idea doesn’t mean it won’t be a good time.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

Let’s play a game called you bring me food and I eat it.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Went to the hairdresser today and now I look much younger. I’m thinking about going back tomorrow.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

My girlfriend? You wouldn’t know her, she’s in a different data center.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,250

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

To the person who stole my place in the queue. I’m after you now.

Going viral on Telegram:

I dream of disappearing into the woods with Wi-Fi.

Broadcasted on X:

I told all my neighbors that I have a twin, so that when I see them in public I don’t have to talk to them.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Spotify wrapped is like my annual mental health report and it’s getting worse by each passing year.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Things will be fine, eventually—in thousands of years—for rocks.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Sorry I’m late. I was in the car waiting for my song to end.

Trending via WeChat:

Breaking news is really breaking me.

Just landed via Twitch:

Science has enough bodies, I’m donating mine to English lit just to spice things up a bit.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Why do coffee beans smell so good, and coffee breath is like bleh?

Shared recently on Slack:

Accidentally said “normal” when they asked what milk I wanted at the leftist cafe.

Ugh, but profoundly.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When you agree to go out but you're already in your pajamas: Ugh, but profoundly. 🙄😂🛌"

attitude, expression, frustration, humor, irony, remark, sarcasm, ugh, witty, witty remark

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Every girl’s personal hell is being too excited about their birthday and it ends up being the worst day ever.

0

2 months ago

being, birthday, day, disappointment, ever, every, excited, excitement, expectation, girl, girls, hell, personal, personal hell, too, worst, worst day
Horoscope: Many good things are in store for you! Unfortunately, the store is closed for repairs.

0

2 months ago

closed, good, good things, horoscope, humor, irony, optimism, repairs, store, things
A peaceful transition of power happening between me and this red wine just now.

0

2 months ago

drinking, happening, humor, joke, just, me, peace, peaceful, power, red, red wine, relaxation, transition, wine
Please do not ask a bookworm if they are going to finish the books they have before buying more. It is very offensive in our culture.

0

2 months ago

ask, before, books, bookworm, buying, culture, finish, going, humor, literature, offensive, reading
Gonna start an app for cat sitters where they can review the cats they take care of and it’ll be called Litterboxd.

0

2 months ago

app, care, cat, cat sitter, cats, comedy, humor, Litterboxd, pet, pet care, review, sitter, start, take, technology, where
My boss was like, “People working from home are just pretending to work,” and it’s like, dude, what do you think I’m doing in the office?

0

4 months ago

boss, doing, dude, home, humor, just, office, people, pretending, remote, remote work, think, work, work from home, working, workplace, workplace humor

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

86 shares on LinkedIn this month:

People who say that they don’t have time for my bullshit should wake up an hour earlier.

38 shares on Threads this month:

I can’t wait until my kids have a place of their own so I can come barging through their door and say “what’s for dinner? I don’t like that. Can you give me money for McDonald’s?”

14 shares on Instagram this month:

Stop telling people to grow up. Have you seen adults?

82 shares on Reddit this month:

Wow, you have a very impressive collection of strange tendencies.

63 shares on Instagram this month:

Another day of waking up cute instead of wealthy, so I guess I have to go to work.

54 shares on Twitch this month:

Apparently “ew no” is not an acceptable way to tell my boss I don’t want more responsibility at work.

38 shares on TikTok this month:

Roses are red, violets are blue. When I listen to rock music, my neighbors do too.

97 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I need new friends. The old ones know too much.

75 shares on Instagram this month:

I have had songs stuck in my head and I have had people stuck in my head, I highly recommend songs.

57 shares on X this month:

Instagram is literally just screenshots of Twitter.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

I need to get my shit together, but at this point, I’m waiting to see if the world is going to end before I put any real effort in.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

I’d like to place an order for a large kiss and an extra-long hug.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Turns out “YouTube rabbit hole” is not a reliable science degree.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

Y’all aren’t taking beautiful women to jazz clubs anymore, and that’s the problem.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Can hardly wait until my winter fat turns into spring rolls.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

As everyone was arguing about politics, no one saw me leave with the cake.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Never let your job prevent you from acting unemployed.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

Sorry I’m late, I believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left in the cycle.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Kinda sucks that the prize for washing your laundry is getting to fold your laundry.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Can’t believe I spent so many years of my life asking teachers if I was allowed to use the bathroom, and sometimes be told no. What the hell?

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on TikTok:

Ozzy Osbourne has mumbled through entire sentences, and I still understood him better than most of my exes.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Autocorrect changed ‘are you around?’ to ‘are you aroused?’ and my buddy didn’t want to hang out today.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Sunday night: Super Bowl party! Monday morning: Toilet Bowl party!

Going bananas on Instagram:

A weekend in a log cabin with a hot tub sounds perfect right now.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Man, it sucks having no kids. All I do is whatever I want, all the time.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.

Trending via Threads:

My friend and I had a running joke. She said, “Let’s do a marathon,” and then we both laughed.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

I’m stuck between “I need to save money” and “You only live once.”

Going viral on Reddit:

Roses are red. Let’s get some fresh air. Make love in the moonlight. Have a pregnancy scare.

Live now on Slack:

Gentle parenting is making sure your kids can’t hear what you say when you’re peeling a mango.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Ugh, but profoundly.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Every girl’s personal hell is being too excited about their birthday and it ends up being the worst day ever.

Horoscope: Many good things are in store for you! Unfortunately, the store is closed for repairs.

A peaceful transition of power happening between me and this red wine just now.

Please do not ask a bookworm if they are going to finish the books they have before buying more. It is very offensive in our culture.

Gonna start an app for cat sitters where they can review the cats they take care of and it’ll be called Litterboxd.

My boss was like, “People working from home are just pretending to work,” and it’s like, dude, what do you think I’m doing in the office?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨