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The Secret Service was chasing me but I painted a tunnel on the side of a wall and they all ran into it.

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Being able to notice that a celebrity unfollowed another celebrity is some seriously jobless behaviour.

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Addicted to bad posture like why is it so comfortable to sit like a cooked shrimp.

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Can you delete that photo of me? It looks exactly the way I look in real life.

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Have you guys heard of recency bias? I hadnโ€™t, but now Iโ€™m seeing it literally everywhere. Must be a big deal.

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If the universe is continuing to expand then why does my rent keep going up?

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Remember: when a band skips your city on tour, it is always personal and they always hate you specifically.

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I would rather walk directly into the ocean than tell people a fun fact about myself.

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Anyone else think itโ€™s weird how cancer kills more people than any other astrological sign.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฑ has shared:

Dear deodorant manufacturers, please stop writing “72h” on your products. There are people who believe that. And they sit next to me on the bus. Always. All of them!

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Unless I say otherwise, I am always tired.

Funny quote about constant exhaustion with a relatable, humorous tone.

Commentary:
"Just call me the perpetual president of the Fatigue Fan Club! ๐Ÿ˜ด๐Ÿ’ค #AlwaysTiredButNeverRetired"



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