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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Cigarettes are a better networking tool than LinkedIn could ever dream of being.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

I can resist everything except temptation.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

The homie who’s ultimately just a pawn in your grand scheme.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

I’ve started dating myself exclusively but it’s not working out.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

Overthinking should at least burn calories.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Parenting is cheering on your kid’s winning softball team all weekend and then cheering on the Sunday rain for cancelling the rest of the games.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

I prefer people who actually know what’s going on.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

He’s an everything bagel… I’m just a nothing burger…

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

What an awful time to be even remotely aware of what is going on in the world.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

Let’s go out for carrots sometime.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,435

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Twitch:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to run my brain through the dishwasher.

Trending via Instagram:

I asked my doctor if I’m healthy enough for sex and he told me I’m not even sexy enough for health.

Just shared via YouTube:

My only plan for this weekend is to move just enough so the people don’t think I’m dead.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I wish I had the free time of someone who leaves a positive Amazon review for a rake.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Me in hell: “So did it hurt when you fell from heaven.” Lucifer: “Get out!”

Trending via Pinterest:

The trick of life is to get the sports car before you have to grunt getting in and out of it.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

If a vegetarian who eats fish is a pescatarian, is a vegetarian who eats chicken called a poultrygeist?

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Is it just me, or were we promised a totally different frog-to-prince ratio?

Going bananas on Instagram:

If you add orange juice to Jason Momoa, you get a Jason Mimosa.

Just landed via TikTok:

My life is ruined. I wish to live no more. Never mind, I found the remote.

Unpopular opinion: Landlords should not be able to increase rent unless they’re upgrading the apartment.

22 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds fair—if they're not adding a hot tub, they should just enjoy their reruns of "Rents Gone Wild" 📈🏢🚫💸!

able, apartment, housing, increase, landlord, market, opinion, rent, rent increase, rental, rental market, rights, should, tenant, tenant rights, unpopular, unpopular opinion

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Somethіng wrong іn your lіfe? There’s a nap for that.

0

2 months ago

humor, life, nap, problem, relaxation, rest, solution, wrong
It’s funny how sometimes you buy a book, then read it in two days, and sometimes you buy a book, and it lives on your bookshelf for 12 years.

0

6 days ago

12, book, book lover, bookshelf, buy, days, Funny, humor, lover, procrastination, read, reading, sometimes, time
I used to eat my feelings but now it’s so expensive, I might as well go to therapy.

0

2 months ago

eat, eating, expensive, feelings, humor, i, self-care, therapy, used, well
There’s a reason we say cheese and not salad when we have to smile for a photo.

0

2 months ago

cheese, culture, food, humor, photo, photography, reason, salad, smile
Sticking googly eyes on a potato and introducing him to everyone as my new boyfriend.

0

2 months ago

activity, boyfriend, everyone, eye, eyes, funny activity, googly, googly eye, humor, introduction, new, potato, prank, sticking
When they make a Hate Island, somebody link me.

0

2 months ago

commentary, hate, humor, island, link, Love Island, me, sarcasm, social, social commentary, somebody

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

22 shares on YouTube this month:

One day I’ll have a sassy, know-it-all daughter, and my husband will say, “She got that from you,” and I can’t wait.

38 shares on Instagram this month:

In case no one told you today. I’m beautiful.

22 shares on Twitch this month:

I don’t get vegetables on my pizza because I don’t like mixing business with pleasure.

39 shares on Facebook this month:

Doctors who give out lollipops really treat their patients.

45 shares on Facebook this month:

Enjoy your time with me, because I love to disappear.

91 shares on YouTube this month:

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

21 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Discovering the Spice Girls broke up not over money and fame but lesbianism.

69 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Can I come over and circle you like a vulture?

23 shares on Twitch this month:

My home security system is just a copy of my paycheck taped to my front door.

92 shares on X this month:

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they’re dead.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

Occupation: the ugly friend!

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

I embarrass myself in front of myself.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Do you all introverts ever open a text and think, ‘I’ll reply when I have the energy,’ and then it’s three weeks, and you have to live with the guilt of being a horrible friend.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

‘Tis the season to wrap objects in colorful paper with the fine motor skills of a T-Rex.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

There’s only one way we’ll at least occasionally get normal elected officials and that’s if we pick them by random lottery.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

Voice messages. Just call, goddamnit!

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

I birthed my kid faster than she can put on shoes.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

I am dressing for the job I want. I want to be a sweatpants model.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

Not gonna lie, to this day, I don’t know the difference between gray and grey, I just wing it.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

Not single, not dating, but a secret third thing (quantum entanglement).

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Pinterest:

This December is not Decembering like the other Decembers Decembered.

Spotted on Telegram:

It’s funny how everyone who was all about Christmas a week ago is suddenly into New Year’s now.

Spotted on Messenger:

The Scream movies were believable in the ’90s, but no one with any common sense answers unknown numbers on their phones anymore.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Every time I wanna quit, I remember horses don’t stop.

Trending via Threads:

“What’s wrong with you?” Right now or in general?

Trending via Twitch:

They say “Time heals.” No, it doesn’t. I’m still mad.

Spotted on Threads:

You’re not a knight in shining armor, you’re just a knob in Under Armour.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Women aren’t complicated. Just give us attention and leave us alone.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Valentine’s Day this week. If you have a crush on me we still have time to get cards and shave.

Making waves on Slack:

The older I get, the more I understand why witches lived alone in the woods.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Unpopular opinion: Landlords should not be able to increase rent unless they’re upgrading the apartment.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Somethіng wrong іn your lіfe? There’s a nap for that.

It’s funny how sometimes you buy a book, then read it in two days, and sometimes you buy a book, and it lives on your bookshelf for 12 years.

I used to eat my feelings but now it’s so expensive, I might as well go to therapy.

There’s a reason we say cheese and not salad when we have to smile for a photo.

Sticking googly eyes on a potato and introducing him to everyone as my new boyfriend.

When they make a Hate Island, somebody link me.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨