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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

As a sales clerk, you want to shout after some people as they leave the store: “Are you sure you’ve really REALLY touched everything?”

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

If you wave your keys in front of a giant house, people will think you own it.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

What doesn’t kill you gives you a twisted, dark sense of humor.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

Rather than touching grass, I recommend going to a concert and experiencing the live performance of that one song you hold religiously close to your heart.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

The one thing to know about me is I always get the last laugh. And oh yes, it’s maniacal.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

You don’t use a semicolons correctly; you use a semicolon confidently.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

When I was a kid, I had to walk to Netflix.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

I get so flattered when butterflies or bees buzz around me. Like, sorry ladies, I’m not a flower, but it’s so sweet that you thought I was. Hehe.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

My husband clearly believes that chairs just magically push themselves back in.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

I’d rather you don’t watch me while I’m liking my own post.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,722

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

I love people who are fluent in Spongebob references.

Spotted on Instagram:

Have been dipping my toe into doing Pilates, and let me tell you, women are real sickos.

Spotted on Slack:

“You’re always sleeping,” God forbid a woman wants to be unconscious.

Going viral on Twitch:

Welcome to adulthood. Everyone’s tired here.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Gonna eat birthday cake all day because it’s someone’s birthday out there, and we’re about to celebrate together, stranger.

Breaking via Slack:

Monday has a personal vendetta against my happiness.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

If I wore a mood ring, it would probably explode immediately.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Every time my neighbors start moaning, I pause my music to rate the performance.

Going viral on Facebook:

Training a cat is very easy. After a few days, you do what she wants.

Spotted on Instagram:

I forgot to sweep up some crumbs earlier, and I just heard an ant moaning in pleasure as he discovered the bounty.

Welcome to middle age: your chin looks lonely; here’s another one.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the age where your face starts collecting chins like Pokémon! 😂👌 #GottaDoubleChinEmAll"

age, aging, another, chin, humor, loneliness, lonely, looks, middle, middle age, self-deprecation, welcome

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Let’s all stand up against iron deficiency (but not too fast).

0

2 months ago

deficiency, fast, health, health humor, humor, iron, iron deficiency, joke, nutrition, pun, stand, too, wellness
My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list that I was making, and now, I can’t read anything.

0

2 months ago

anything, asked, humor, i, ketchup, list, making, me, misunderstanding, put, read, reading, shopping, shopping list, wife
I don’t understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What’s next, more things? That’s how they get you.

0

3 months ago

activity, doing, doing things, exhaustion, humor, i, just, next, people, procrastination, relaxation, sarcasm, things, understand, week, weekend, workweek
If you tell me to watch until the end, the end better be in five seconds.

0

2 months ago

better, end, expectation, five, humor, me, patience, seconds, tell, time, watch
“But it’s summer,” is going to be my excuse for everything from now until the end of September.

0

2 months ago

carefree, end, everything, excuse, going, heat, humor, joke, procrastination, season, seasonal, summer
I threw a ball for my dog. May be a little extravagant, but he looks great in a tux.

0

2 months ago

activity, ball, dog, extravagant, fun, fun activity, great, humor, i, little, looks, pet, tux

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on X this month:

That gap between Christmas and New Year’s when you can’t tell what day of the week it is.

22 shares on Twitch this month:

I usually don’t flirt, so if I flirt with you, please cooperate.

76 shares on X this month:

People keep wishing January was over like the worst month of the year isn’t coming up next. Thats like wishing someone would stop arguing with you and just punch you in the face.

30 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Super excited about a brand new year full of questionable life choices.

24 shares on Discord this month:

Sorry I’m late. My catapult malfunctioned.

18 shares on Twitch this month:

The time I spend, just thinking about food, is kind of embarrassing.

97 shares on Facebook this month:

I love Pinterest. No opinions. No bad vibes. Just pretty pictures.

48 shares on Facebook this month:

I do not want to have a career. I want to sit on the porch.

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When a girl says “5 mins,” think about it like five minutes left in the 4th quarter, and both teams have all their timeouts.

37 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Having a crush as an adult is soooo embarrassing. I’m literally too old for this. I’m gonna learn how to forge a sword.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Born to be a Jedi spinning a lightsaber, forced to work full-time and pay rent.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

I’ve convinced myself bumblebees don’t sting because they’re too fluffy and cute.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Cleaning out your camera roll is like the biggest chore ever.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

On my way to Mordor. You nerds need anything?

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

“Grey’s Anatomy” but it’s told entirely through the lens of the hospital’s HR department.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

It’s always fun listening to someone’s lie when you already know the truth.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

No more relationships for me, the last one was an embarrassment to my gangsta.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Men used to go to war, now they want to be the little spoon.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Are people born with photographic memories or do they take time to develop?

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

If I’m ever in a coma, please put chapstick on my lips.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I hope this email finds you in the paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty.

Breaking via YouTube:

Why do guys named Timothy go by Tim when they could go by Moth?

Just landed via Instagram:

I trust an insult more than I do a compliment.

Live now on WeChat:

God, I was so happy when I was 18. I wasn’t at the time, but in retrospect I was.

Making waves on Facebook:

Nobody cleans better than someone who’s pissed off.

Spotted on X:

Marriage is for life. But when that was first said, life was shorter.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I hope “be the light you want to see in the world” doesn’t refer to Molotov Cocktails.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I’m so lazy that I’ll break my tooth trying to get this tag off before I get up and get a scissor.

Breaking via Telegram:

You don’t scare me, you’re not my ID photo.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Welcome to middle age: your chin looks lonely; here’s another one.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Let’s all stand up against iron deficiency (but not too fast).

My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list that I was making, and now, I can’t read anything.

I don’t understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What’s next, more things? That’s how they get you.

If you tell me to watch until the end, the end better be in five seconds.

“But it’s summer,” is going to be my excuse for everything from now until the end of September.

I threw a ball for my dog. May be a little extravagant, but he looks great in a tux.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨