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Commentary:
"Congratulations on embarking on the delightful adventure of parenthood! 🎉 Just remember, now your bathroom time is not just for quick escapes, it's also the perfect spot for pursuing those elusive 'me time' hobbies. 🚽📚💃 #ParentingLife"

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Being held for questioning sounds more romantic than it is.

2 months ago

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Showers are the best places to lose arguments with yourself.

1 month ago

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Disney set unrealistic standards of how often woodland creatures would help me clean and do laundry if I just sang out my window.

2 months ago

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Toasters aren’t governed by that little dial. They have free will.

1 month ago

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When you report something to IT and then hear: “Oh! Interesting. We’ve never seen that before.” Is that good or bad?

2 months ago

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Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I didn’t want to go to work tomorrow morning.

1 month ago

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

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Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

Sorry, I can’t today. I have to sit in my room and make matters worse.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Gonna close my bank account and keep all my money on me, like Sonic the Hedgehog.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

As a kid, I used to watch The Wizard of Oz and wonder how someone could talk if they didn’t have a brain. Then I got social media.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

Social media is mental suicide.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

I need you to put the fun in refund!

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Multitask? I can barely unitask.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

I bet once Bigfoot tries cheeseburgers, he’s gonna wanna hangout with us all the time.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

I’m so old, I used to block people by simply holding the door shut.

Just landed via Reddit:

I don’t have a nervous system, I am a nervous system.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Adding “but that’s just me” after giving the absolute worst advice to a coworker.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Eating the rest of the donuts will keep me from eating donuts tomorrow. My logic is flawless.

Breaking via Reddit:

What kind of psychopath wants to be the life of the party?

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I suck at charging my phone, 21 percent charged, and I’m taking it off so I can lay the other way.

Trending via Instagram:

Don’t drink to forget me, you’ll end up seeing me double.

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Activity Log ✨

Welcome to parenting! The only hobbies you have left are the ones you can do in the bathroom.

Being held for questioning sounds more romantic than it is.

Showers are the best places to lose arguments with yourself.

Disney set unrealistic standards of how often woodland creatures would help me clean and do laundry if I just sang out my window.

Toasters aren’t governed by that little dial. They have free will.

When you report something to IT and then hear: “Oh! Interesting. We’ve never seen that before.” Is that good or bad?

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I didn’t want to go to work tomorrow morning.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Answering your cell when you don’t recognize the number is like picking up a hitchhiker.

Enjoy your time with me, because I love to disappear.

Vegan zombies be like: GRAINS!

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Deja poo is when you feel like you’ve heard the same shit before.

Who needs a period calendar when I know I’ll have it when I’m crying over nonsense things.

Do you ever cycle through the same 4 apps on your phone over and over again, and feel like a tiger pacing its cage at the zoo?

The hottest I ever look is when I’m brushing my teeth in my underwear, but it’s very much a ‘tree falls in the woods’ situation.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Why can’t Chinese restaurants chop the broccoli in their dishes? I feel like I’m trying to fit an entire bonsai tree into my mouth.

One of the toughest jobs in parenting is serving the inevitable eviction notice on your kid’s pillow fort.

Husband and I were blissfully happy for 25 years. Then we met.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I need carpenters to remember that beds are also for sex. The aesthetics are great and all, but what is with all the squeaking?

My mother still has some really ugly things from the 90s. My older brother, for example.

Things went well until the evil supermarket people hid my favorite products in new places.

Imagine you’re living inside a tiny mushroom house… with a tiny chimney… deep in the woods… no one knows you exist… you make soup in a tiny pot… you are free.

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Welcome to parenting! The only hobbies you have left are the ones you can do in the bathroom.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Being held for questioning sounds more romantic than it is.

Showers are the best places to lose arguments with yourself.

Disney set unrealistic standards of how often woodland creatures would help me clean and do laundry if I just sang out my window.

Toasters aren’t governed by that little dial. They have free will.

When you report something to IT and then hear: “Oh! Interesting. We’ve never seen that before.” Is that good or bad?

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I didn’t want to go to work tomorrow morning.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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