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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ has viewed:

I don’t understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What’s next, more things? That’s how they get you.

Someone from πŸ‡ΌπŸ‡Έ has bookmarked:

The most I’ve ever spent on a bottle of wine is about 45 minutes.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¨ has bookmarked:

I told a joke during a Zoom meeting today. Nobody laughed. It turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡Ό has shared:

Satan: “Would you please stop sacrificing animals to me. I’m not running a zoo down here.”

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡© has shared:

I’ll never understand people who go through self-checkout line and slowly and carefully scan their items. This line is for stealing.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡¬ has viewed:

You don’t need to be a good listener as long as you’re a good nodder.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡± has bookmarked:

(While my wife opens up her Christmas present) Remember when you said we needed milk?

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡Ή has copied:

The fastest mammal on earth is the smartass on the web.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Έ has downloaded:

In my defense, Your Honor, I grossly misunderstood the meaning of Boxing Day.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ώ has shared:

I love posting my thoughts on the internet. Now they’re your problem.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,603

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Freshly posted on WeChat:

There’s an unwritten rule: if you need something and it’s available at your mom’s house, it’s yours.

Spotted on TikTok:

Crying while wearing a backpack has unlocked a new level of humiliation I did not know was possible.

Seen just now on Discord:

Having a loose stool means two completely different things depending on if you are a nurse or a bartender.

Live now on TikTok:

I was dismayed to hear the story of Rumpelstiltskin. I had no idea he was like that outside of work.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I’m not a morning person. I’m not even an afternoon person. I pretty much start functioning after 6pm.

Making waves on Reddit:

“Devil’s advocate” implies the existence of heaven’s prosecutor.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

If I ever say β€œwith all due respect”, please understand that there is none.

Just shared via Facebook:

“Alcohol and beautiful women” is apparently not an appropriate answer when you are asked about your weaknesses in a job interview.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I need a leaf blower, but for people.

Live now on Twitch:

80 years ago we would have all been institutionalized and I think that’s beautiful.

Welcome to parenting! The only hobbies you have left are the ones you can do in the bathroom.

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Welcome to parenting! The only hobbies you have left are the ones you can do in the bathroom.
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Commentary:
"Congratulations on embarking on the delightful adventure of parenthood! πŸŽ‰ Just remember, now your bathroom time is not just for quick escapes, it's also the perfect spot for pursuing those elusive 'me time' hobbies. πŸš½πŸ“šπŸ’ƒ #ParentingLife"

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Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

New Funny Quotes
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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on Telegram this month:

I can always tell what part of my cycle I’m in by how concerned my friends are over my Tweets.

56 shares on Facebook this month:

AI is trained on what we write, so if we want to save our jobs we should all write really badly for a while. I’ve been doing my bit for years.

53 shares on Threads this month:

New COVID variant subscribes you to random podcasts.

49 shares on WhatsApp this month:

After careful consideration, I think I’d have way more fun if I was incredibly stupid.

83 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t think human beings were built to know everything going on in the world all the time.

86 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You should be allowed to leave work early if you are really in love.

21 shares on Messenger this month:

Who are these people that buy unsalted butter on purpose?

43 shares on Slack this month:

I will never understand why our washing machines feel the need to lie about how much time is left. If you need more time, just let me know, that’s fine.

61 shares on Slack this month:

Yes, my sex drive is higher than my will to live, and what about it?

74 shares on Telegram this month:

The hottest thing a man can do is exactly what he said he was going to.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

The best part about being single is sleeping around. You can sleep all over that bed of yours – left, right, middle.

12 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

That awkward moment you can’t understand what somebody is saying after they have repeated it about five times.

20 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

You never know how strong you are until someone’s story runs more than 5 minutes long.

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Applying for jobs feels like auditioning to be enthusiastic about a blind date you haven’t even met yet.

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Hello pollen, my old friend, my nose is running once again.

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Life is so funny because you think you look good today and a year later you look even better.

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

To save money in this economy, I’ve tried eating out and I’ve tried cooking at home. The answer is starvation.

10 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Hey, I’ve been thinking, and I think you should think for me.

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Your secrets are safe with me. I wasn’t even listening.

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,704

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡» has downloaded:

When this multivitamin kicks in I’m going to do so much success.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ά has viewed:

I think when girls start liking pink again, it means they’re healing.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡Ί has downloaded:

I don’t have any patience because it takes too long.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡Ή has copied:

Playing dumb for five minutes often saves a lot of work.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡¬ has downloaded:

Whoever named it overthinking didn’t think hard enough, cause overthinking is never over.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Έ has viewed:

I get at least 1,000 steps in waiting for my food to be done in the microwave.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ύ has shared:

No one buys my theory that red fire hydrants are filled with ketchup and yellow fire hydrants are filled with mustard.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡³ has bookmarked:

Whoever came up with the name wallpaper really nailed it.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡­ has copied:

When someone says β€œI don’t want a relationship right now” the β€œat least not with you” is silent.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ό has bookmarked:

If I wore a mood ring, it would probably explode immediately.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Just shared via Reddit:

You’re way hotter in your forties and fifties than in your twenties. The glow up is in the grow up.

Going viral on Reddit:

The more secure you want my computer password to be, the more guaranteed I am to just write it on a very not secure post-it note.

Shared recently on Instagram:

You should get one IG story in addition to your one phone call when you’re arrested.

Just landed via Messenger:

Drugs do not ruin your career. Drug tests do.

Just shared via Instagram:

Even my imaginary friend got bored and left me a note saying β€˜we should see other people’

Going bananas on Pinterest:

If you fall asleep long enough, the steering wheel gives you a pillow.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I don’t understand why people have to “get ready for bed.” I am always ready for bed.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

He’s called James Cameron because he turns the camera on.

Going viral on Facebook:

I got fired from my job at the massage parlor. No specific reason, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.

Freshly posted on X:

Got a scam email full of mistakes like they’re not even trying. It won’t be long before AI takes their jobs.

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