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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Can’t believe, as a kid, I thought 21-year-olds had their lives figured out.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

The goose: Canada’s most violent saxophone.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

When I say “I’m open to feedback” I mean “I accept compliments.”

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

Today I couldn’t find a parking space at work, so I drove back home. Looks like they have enough people there.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

The Gen Z stare. The millennial pause. Instead, let’s talk about the boomer inappropriate personal question.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

I wear sunglasses when I’m driving so nobody knows I’m asleep.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

Hey bartender, can you turn down the music, please? This guy I just met is trying to explain how baseball works.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

The only exercise I’ve done this month is running… out of money!

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

You know it’s been a successful Thanksgiving when your clothes no longer fit.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,390

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Ain’t nothing better than knowing you were right when everyone else thought you were crazy.

Just landed via Instagram:

Cartoons make it look like getting stabbed in the butt with a pitchfork would be no big deal, but I beg to differ.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Hear me out. A waiting room where the doctors wait.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Start each day with a positive thought, like: “I can go back to bed in just 17 short hours.”

Spotted on TikTok:

Take your days off, these jobs don’t care about you.

Just shared via Slack:

I believe in you. I also believe in Bigfoot so don’t get too excited.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Dear resealable chocolate bag, your confidence in my self-control was truly inspiring. And you were delicious.

Trending via Reddit:

Is there an app yet that converts voice messages into text messages?

Just landed via Slack:

I knew school was a scam when my business teacher didn’t own a business, and my PE teacher was fat.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

If Twitter has taught me anything, a lot of us aren’t ready for a spelling bee.

Welcome to parenting! The only hobbies you have left are the ones you can do in the bathroom.

2 weeks ago

Witty text about parenting humorously suggesting bathroom breaks are the only hobbies left.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Congratulations on embarking on the delightful adventure of parenthood! 🎉 Just remember, now your bathroom time is not just for quick escapes, it's also the perfect spot for pursuing those elusive 'me time' hobbies. 🚽📚💃 #ParentingLife"

bathroom, family, hobby, humor, left, life, management, only, parent, parent life, parenting, responsibility, time, time management, welcome

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Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on Discord this month:

It’s healthy to be a little insane sometimes.

52 shares on Threads this month:

I should’ve gotten my affairs in order before I decided to bite into this hot pepper.

57 shares on Twitch this month:

When my friends are religious, I pretend not to notice.

42 shares on Slack this month:

That moment you turn down the music while driving around looking for a street address, so you can see better.

25 shares on YouTube this month:

I wish people had mute buttons in real life.

89 shares on Reddit this month:

Swimming is so embarrassing, everyone can see you want to be alive.

16 shares on Snapchat this month:

I could be staring at my hand locking my front door, and I still won’t feel 100% sure my front door was locked.

33 shares on YouTube this month:

Imagine falling in love and then finding out that they put antlers on their car for the holidays.

94 shares on Instagram this month:

Mice after a breakup be like “we are not on squeaking terms”.

58 shares on X this month:

Hello pollen, my old friend, my nose is running once again.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Hike in groups. Bears like to have options.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

“I asked ChatGPT.” Okay, well, I asked Jesus Christ of Nazareth.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I have so much planned today that I was already tired thinking of it yesterday.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

You have one week to ask me to be your Valentine. Requests must be in the form of poetic verse written in your blood.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Bugs have so many legs to make up for their lack of personality.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re ever intimidated by someone just imagine them opening a Capri Sun.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Life is so funny because you think you look good today and a year later you look even better.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

When I finally snap it’ll be because I had to type my email address in on the TV.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I crashed my bike in 1989 and hurt my knee real bad. We didn’t have social media back then so I’m telling you guys now.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

If I had money, my life would be pretty much the same, but my dogs would destroy much nicer stuff.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,736

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

We have decided to sell the house. How long do you think it will take for our landlord to find out?

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

Interpretive dance is the best way to answer stupid questions.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

Nothing fixes your life the way deactivating Instagram does.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

Having a crush on someone as an adult feels like a humiliation ritual.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

People who own banana costumes will wear that shit to anything.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need anything from Amazon today.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

This chapter of my life is called ‘at least the rent is paid’

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

No parenting book prepares you for the stank of your kid’s soccer bag.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

Let’s ruin each other’s sleep schedules and call it romance.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

The part where the music beat is going from your left ear to the right at different intervals.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Ever since I was a little kid, I knew that I wanted to be late for work.

Seen just now on Messenger:

What’s the point of having sex dreams if you always wake up just when it’s getting down to business?

Trending via Twitch:

“Inconvenience is the cost of community,” I repeat to myself as I climb six flights of stairs for my friend’s birthday party for her cat.

Live now on Telegram:

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying seems to be working.

Live now on Threads:

Don’t talk to me while my earphones are in, man, I’m at a concert.

Going viral on Telegram:

Sometimes you choose the GIF-war over your responsibilities.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I’m a work in progress that hasn’t made much progress.

Breaking via Reddit:

My résumé is really just a list of things I hope I never have to do again.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I’m so lucky people can’t hear what I’m thinking.

Going viral on TikTok:

If we start dating now, we could be feeding each other deviled eggs on Thanksgiving, and breaking up before we have to exchange gifts for Christmas.

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