Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Imagine the satisfaction of causing traffic jams and slow commutes in your afterlife as a rebellious speed bump! 😈🚗 Just make sure to bring your 'Slow Down' sign to complete the look! 😂 #SpeedBumpRevenge"

annoyance, back, bump, death, die, humor, i, joke, people, pissing, pissing off, reincarnation, speed, speed bump, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Welcome to middle age. You now take pictures of instructions so you can enlarge them.

0

2 months ago

age, aging, enlarge, humor, instructions, lifestyle, middle, middle age, pictures, take, technology, welcome
Laundry day is my favorite day of the week. That’s why I dress for it every day.

0

2 months ago

activity, day, dress, every, everyday, fashion, favorite, favorite day, fun, fun activity, humor, i, laundry, routine, week
I have a great poker face because I have no idea what’s going on.

0

2 months ago

confusion, expression, face, game, going, great, humor, i, idea, poker
I used to blame all my problems on my parents, but now that I’m a grown up, I have come to terms with the fact that when bad things happen to me, it’s probably just that Mercury’s in retrograde again.

0

2 months ago

again, astrology, bad, bad things, blame, fact, grown, grown up, humor, i, just, me, Mercury, parents, problems, retrograde, self-awareness, terms, things, used
And is your “sparkling personality” in the room with us now?

0

2 months ago

conversation, humor, interaction, personality, room, sarcasm, self-deprecation, social, social interaction, sparkling, sparkling personality, us, wit
Maybe God will gift me a boyfriend for my birthday this year.

0

2 months ago

birthday, boyfriend, gift, gift idea, God, humor, idea, love, maybe, me, relationship, single, wish, year

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m just so lazy because I’m still recovering from the fact that I used to be the fastest sperm.

85 shares on TikTok this month:

The best proof that fairy tales are fictional is the fact that the prince is always an intelligent and handsome single man.

28 shares on Messenger this month:

That’s kind of sexy of you to be a little weird.

22 shares on Threads this month:

You ever get surprised by your own recurring issues? Like, come on man, I thought we were past this.

15 shares on YouTube this month:

“The engine light is on!” Yeah, that means it’s working.

75 shares on Reddit this month:

Don’t suffer in silence. Make it everyone’s problem.

40 shares on Threads this month:

Like, who are those little paper umbrellas trying to protect?

52 shares on WhatsApp this month:

All cars should have a rubber bumper all the way around so we can hit each other.

65 shares on X this month:

For whom the doom scrolls!

56 shares on WeChat this month:

Just once I’d like my dog to give me a treat.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

The sole purpose of your child’s middle name… is so they know when they’re really in trouble.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

So a baby crawls across the floor to it’s bottle and it’s cute but when I do it Im in need of an intervention?

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Every morning I wake up and make the worst possible time management decisions anyone has ever made.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

I mean, sex is all right, but have you ever experienced the sheer sensuality of having rock-solid proof that a problem at work was someone else’s fault, even though it really, really looked like it was yours?

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

Most of being a woman is just removing exclamation points from emails before you send them.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

I just heard someone refer to Texas as “Howdy Arabia” and I still haven’t stopped laughing.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

I’ve started dating myself exclusively but it’s not working out.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

How would someone cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? Do you just call them and say you can’t come?

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

You miss 100% of the gossip from the phone calls you don’t answer.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

Just because I loved you at one point doesn’t mean I will always love you. I’m not Whitney Houston.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

There is no physical evidence to say that today is Tuesday, we all just have to trust that someone kept count since the first one ever.

Spotted on Reddit:

Me before grocery shopping: only healthy foods, no impulse buys, I can do this. Me during grocery shopping: they make chocolate filled marshmallows?

Just shared via Reddit:

I have entirely too many new bruises for someone who isn’t getting laid.

Live now on Telegram:

People don’t catch bullets with their teeth anymore, get out there and practice.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

“Your password is too weak.” OK, well, I created him in my image.

Trending via Threads:

Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It’s like Facebook in real life.

Breaking via Slack:

My mother told me there is a girl for me in every corner of the earth, but unfortunately the earth is round.

Spotted on YouTube:

Spent most of the day making sure the couch still works. So far so good.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

Live now on Discord:

The end of Twitter is taking forever. Did Tolkien write this?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

When I die, I want to come back as a speed bump so I can piss people off.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Welcome to middle age. You now take pictures of instructions so you can enlarge them.

Laundry day is my favorite day of the week. That’s why I dress for it every day.

I have a great poker face because I have no idea what’s going on.

I used to blame all my problems on my parents, but now that I’m a grown up, I have come to terms with the fact that when bad things happen to me, it’s probably just that Mercury’s in retrograde again.

And is your “sparkling personality” in the room with us now?

Maybe God will gift me a boyfriend for my birthday this year.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨