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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

I know how to use an abacus as a tambourine.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

If I complain about being out of shape, I don’t actually want fitness tips and workouts to try. I just want to complain and remain out of shape. What is wrong with you people?

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

I’m not saying I’m old, but when I was in school, we made our parents ashtrays for Christmas.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

For a long time, I didn’t know what to do with my strange thoughts. Then I signed up for Facebook.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

I need to go to jail for a while to catch up on all my reading.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

My unemployed neighbor with an unlimited firework budget would like to wish everyone a happy 9th of July.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

I’m a red flag, but the material is quality.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

Most earthquakes could have been an email.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

I’m rearranging the kitchen which is devastating for my husband because now suddenly he remembers where everything used to be.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

All people make me happy. Some when they come, others when they leave.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,236

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

I want a hot body, but I also want hot wings.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Dear God, thank you for the job I have. But if you have a lottery win planned for me, I’m ready! Thank you.

Trending via Telegram:

I feel like a credit card, cause I’m constantly being used irresponsibly.

Going bananas on WeChat:

I don’t understand how spending more money than I earn is irresponsible. I’m giving more than I take. I’m generous.

Broadcasted on Threads:

That little stroll to the coffee maker makes me happy every morning.

Seen just now on Threads:

It’s not too early to go to sleep. Too early only applies to waking up.

Seen just now on Threads:

Aliens are coming to Earth, people are going to the Moon, and I am still pushing on a door that says pull.

Just landed via Instagram:

Unmarried in your 30s should honestly be rebranded as – ‘Congrats, you didn’t pick the wrong person out of panic’.

Breaking via X:

It’s freaking me out to think of how bad I’d look at the Met Gala.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Feminism convinced women they could have it all. Now they’re 40, independent, and crying in a very nice but empty apartment.

Whenever I’m with real yappers, I realize I might actually be a listener.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"Surround yourself with chatty friends, and suddenly you're nominated for 'Best Listener' award! 🏆🗣️ #TalkLessListenMore"

actually, communication, conversation, humor, i, listener, real, realization, realize, self-reflection, whenever, yapper

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Opening up is like talking to a cop: anything you say can and will be used against you.

0

2 months ago

anything, communication, confession, cop, humor, joke, opening, paranoia, police, sarcasm, say, social, talking, used, wit
Babe, are you OK? You’ve barely fulfilled the prophecy.

0

2 months ago

babe, couple, humor, joke, ok, playful, prophecy, relationship, sarcasm, witty
If I had a wife, I’d text her things like, ‘What’s your full name?’ and ‘When’s your birthday?’

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1 week ago

birthday, communication, full, full name, humor, i, ID, name, question, relationship, text, things, wife
What an awful time to be even remotely aware of what is going on in the world.

0

2 months ago

awareness, awful, bad, bad time, current, current events, even, events, frustration, going, humor, irony, sarcasm, time, world
Beer is like weed for people with jobs.

0

2 months ago

beer, humor, job, jobs, leisure, people, relaxation, relief, stress, stress relief, weed
Whatever y’all heard about me, I’m way worse.

0

2 months ago

confidence, humor, me, personality, sarcasm, self-deprecation, teasing, whatever, worse

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

49 shares on Slack this month:

Just because you haven’t found the right person, doesn’t mean you will.

17 shares on Instagram this month:

You don’t know a person until you’ve seen them eat popcorn.

76 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If a portal opened up in front of me, I’d go in—no questions asked.

41 shares on Discord this month:

I’ve been blocked by better.

39 shares on Reddit this month:

Sure, breakups are hard, but have you ever had to wait for your phone to stop ringing so you can start using it again?

64 shares on Twitch this month:

How can people lift weights? My arms get tired just by putting my hair up in a ponytail.

50 shares on Threads this month:

Started from the bottom and I’m still ain’t shit.

68 shares on Telegram this month:

I think my boss is delusional; he keeps shaking his head and calls me Jesus Christ.

32 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m professionally employed and personally unhinged. Balance.

10 shares on Slack this month:

I get it, orcas. Sometimes you just need to ruin a yacht to feel something.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

God: “I don’t regret the Flood, but I do regret the Ark.”

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

My ideal vacation would be to drop my family off at the airport and then have a week of peace and quiet.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Don’t ever let a recipe tell you how much cheese you need to add, everyone knows cheese is measured with the heart.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

The man who invented autocorrect has died. Restaurant in peace.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

I don’t know much, but I know this: the older you get, the faster the number of things you’re willing to wait in line for approaches zero.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

One of my biggest fears during a zombie apocalypse is having to sleep without a fan.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from reading your book.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

I laugh at my own jokes because I am my target audience. Y’all just happen to be there.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

You wake up at 6 a.m. and it’s like you have 48 hours instead of 24.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

You can reach me by butterfly.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Telegram:

If you meet me and I’m talking to myself, just keep walking. I’m self-employed and I’m in a meeting with senior management.

Just landed via Twitch:

Headless mannequins are great because they let you see how you’ll look wearing a new shirt after you’ve been decapitated.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I like when the superheroes that can fly pick up and carry the ones that can’t.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Like most people my age, I’m 50.

Going viral on Pinterest:

The only way I’m gonna hit the gym is if I accidentally drive into it.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Hey, boy, are you the worst-case scenario? Because you’re all I think about.

Making waves on WeChat:

I hope whoever came up with the spelling for Wednesday was punished for their actions.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Do you ever want sleep but sleep doesn’t want you?

Just landed via Messenger:

A massage is not enough, I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

Just landed via Slack:

Please twerk; I have just days left.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Whenever I’m with real yappers, I realize I might actually be a listener.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Opening up is like talking to a cop: anything you say can and will be used against you.

Babe, are you OK? You’ve barely fulfilled the prophecy.

If I had a wife, I’d text her things like, ‘What’s your full name?’ and ‘When’s your birthday?’

What an awful time to be even remotely aware of what is going on in the world.

Beer is like weed for people with jobs.

Whatever y’all heard about me, I’m way worse.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨