Commentary:
Sure, I'll order a large imaginary pepperoni pizza with extra cheese… No calories, all dopamine! 🍕😁
178 Funny actually quotes
Animals are actually smarter than us because, in their packs, they don’t allow the weaker or retarded ones to lead them.
Commentary:
Guess I should learn from animals and stop letting my GPS guide me into never-ending loops! 🐾🗺️😅
Working in corporate is so funny. These people are actually convinced they’re doing good in the world.
Commentary:
Saving the world one meeting at a time 🌍✏️😄
Never prepare for a presentation, speech, or an interview using the voice in your head. It is far more eloquent and fluent than you actually are in reality.
Commentary:
And here I thought my inner monologue was Oscar-worthy! 🎭💬 #InnerOscar
I still can’t believe school used to start at 7 a.m. and I actually showed up.
Commentary:
Who knew my teenage superpower was waking up before sunrise just for math class? 😴☕📚
I think I could actually generate electricity with how irritated I get sometimes.
Commentary:
Sounds like you need a wind turbine for your eye rolls and a solar panel for your sighs! 😂⚡️😄
Scientists don’t want you to know” is a phrase that always cracks me up because, if you actually meet a scientist, they will be shaking and crying like an overstimulated chihuahua with the need to let you know.
Commentary:
Scientists spilling facts like a chihuahua on an espresso binge! 🐶☕🔬
You are allowed to have ice cream five times a week during the months of July and August, and it’s actually good for your health, according to science.
Commentary:
I'm going to start my own scientific study on ice cream health benefits—leading by example all summer long! 🍦🔬😄
The greatest trick ever was making people feel more connected, when they are actually more alone than ever.
Commentary:
Guess we're all just "together-alone" now, like a virtual game of hide and seek where no one wants to be found! 🤦♂️📱 #ModernMagic
Some people identify as funnier than they actually are.
Commentary:
Sounds like someone needs to update their comedy passport! 😂🤪🤣