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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

I was born tired, and I will die tired. If I ever tell you I’m not tired, I’m probably lying.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

I learned Morse code, and then I couldn’t sleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

One sec, lemme just find the off switch for my brain.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Money talks, and also waves goodbye.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Alexa, play everyone that played me.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

A freshly cleaned bathroom triggers an irresistible urge in men to trim their beard.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

How old were you when you realized others couldn’t see the matrix?

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I’m gonna need everybody to stop living here.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

“Lmao” has survived and even thrived over the years, but its cousin “rofl” has faded into indignity. The cruelty of fate.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

I won’t be accepting any parcels for the neighbors in December this year. Last year it was all junk.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,534

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

I waste a lot of time putting my phone down to just pick it back up again.

Live now on Pinterest:

I’m ready for a new relationship. My past is buried in the backyard, to fertilize the tomatoes.

Making waves on Slack:

If your kids aren’t drinking enough water, tell them it’s bedtime.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I can actually be quite charming if you would let me out of the guillotine.

Just shared via WeChat:

She’s probably just not using her phone right now for the first time ever in her whole life.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I suffer from that syndrome where your neutral expression makes it look like you’re an angry serial killer.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

So blunt, you can smoke my truth.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Humidity is great because then people think it’s not my fault that my hair looks like this.

Just landed via Twitch:

The best part about getting added to a group chat is leaving two weeks later.

Going bananas on WeChat:

For Halloween, you should be mine.

Why does the dentist have to take an x-ray of my teeth? They right there, bro!

Funny quote about dental visits highlighting humorously why x-rays are needed despite teeth being visible.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, maybe the dentist just needs some high-definition close-ups of your pearly whites for their Instagram feed! 📸😁 Who knows, your teeth might be camera-shy and prefer the spotlight of an x-ray! 😂 #DentalDrama

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on TikTok this month:

When people say, “Stop living in the past,” my thought in turn is, “But the music was so much better then!”

88 shares on Pinterest this month:

The cool thing about Twitter is you’re never the craziest one.

26 shares on Telegram this month:

Who can better express pain and grief and misery than a man with a harmonica?

10 shares on Messenger this month:

I love when dudes are named Guy. Like, yeah. Exactly.

64 shares on Twitch this month:

When society eventually breaks down and we are left to rebuild civilization, I hope there are people who still know how to make cheese.

80 shares on Facebook this month:

She’s got style, she’s got grace, she crams french fries in her face.

95 shares on TikTok this month:

I miss them days if you couldn’t rap, you didn’t.

58 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I can’t flirt, but I’ll awkwardly giggle at everything you say.

50 shares on Reddit this month:

Welcome to Twitter, where everyone is an expert on everything.

72 shares on Threads this month:

The cool thing about ignoring a notification is being surprised to see it over and over again.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Shout out to the people getting $400 hotel rooms on Feb 14th to do the same two positions they do at home.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The PhD student is someone who foregoes their current happiness in order to forego future happiness.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m bringing back “holy moly” and nobody can stop me.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I should’ve existed as a tree.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

When I die, I hope I’m remembered for my ability to take any bad situation and make it worse.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Santa: “Don’t leave me milk. Leave me whiskey.”

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t think anything good will ever happen again until people feel bad about being stupid again.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Going to the beach the day after watching Jaws hits different.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody views your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t believe she picked her husband, her boyfriend and her other boyfriend over me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,567

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

ChatGPT is there for me in ways I don’t think any man ever could be.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

I’d trust a groundhog over a weatherman any day.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

Finally gathered all my thoughts and now they’re jumping me.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

I don’t have any patience because it takes too long.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

What many call beauty can just be wiped off 90% of the time.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

Not a gold digger, but the other night a woman told me her grandpa owns a Christmas tree farm. That shit had me rubbing my hands like a fly.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Just stay single, y’all… I’m here apologizing for taking a nap.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

I’m not even sure what I’m doing on this planet.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

The great thing about having pet insurance is that while our dachshund is at the vets, they’ve given us a courtesy poodle to hang out with.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

We don’t make people walk the plank like we used to.

Going viral on Instagram:

Them: You post a lot. What am I supposed to do here – fold laundry on the timeline?

Shared recently on Telegram:

Finally it’s Friday and I can go out. I’m putting the garbage out and I’ll be right back.

Going viral on Messenger:

Hello, boyfriend? It’s me, girlfriend, from dating?

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Never underestimate the healing power of a cheeseburger.

Shared recently on Slack:

Maybe there’s an alternate universe where onions cry when they chop up humans, you don’t know.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I’ve learned the best way to find something that I’ve lost is to buy a replacement one, to make the lost one spontaneously appear.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Ever since I was little, I always knew I wanted to retire.

Live now on Threads:

Tolerate the lactose already, you heathen.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.

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