26 funny dentist quotes - Wordgag

I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

May 26, 2026

I am never hungrier than when I leave the dentist and told I can’t eat right away.

May 25, 2026

Date idea: you hold my hand while I call the dentist and you tell me I’m so brave.

May 25, 2026

Establish dominance by asking your dentist if he’s flossing everyday.

May 25, 2026

Why can’t I explore the dentist’s mouth too?

May 25, 2026

My dentist said my teeth were stained and asked if I smoke or drink coffee? I said, “I drink it.”

May 24, 2026

My dental hygienist is probably thinking, I bet i could braid this guys nose hair.

May 24, 2026

Dentist appointments are so weird. “Hi, nice to meet you, could you root around in my mouth for a bit?”

May 23, 2026

Flossed the day before a dentist appointment like I was cramming for a history test.

May 23, 2026

Gonna tell my dentist that if I’m late, he should start without me.

May 23, 2026

My dentist plays country music, so it’s like a double torture.

May 22, 2026

Only a fool would use the toothbrush the dentist gives you. You think the dentist would freely hand you the tools that would keep them away?

May 22, 2026

You can name literally any food or drink to the dentist and they’ll be like “ohhh, that’s actually so bad for your teeth. You should only eat water and toothpaste.”

May 22, 2026

Schedule your appointment early in the month before your dentist starts fretting about their next boat payment.

May 22, 2026

It’s amazing, when it’s your birthday you really feel the love from family, friends, lovers, former dentists, yoga studios and various smootheries.

May 22, 2026

Yes officer, I’d like to file a restraining order against my dentist’s appointment reminder system.

May 21, 2026

Dentists get rich by staring into your mouth for 30 seconds, playing sinking ships with their assistant, and then telling you to brush better.

May 21, 2026

Everyone hates on the dentist but at least they don’t try to weigh you.

May 21, 2026

Hate when you’re trying to take a nap and the dentist is all “Please open your mouth.”

May 20, 2026

You know you’re mature when you go to the dentist and you are no longer afraid of pain, but of how much it costs.

May 20, 2026

Why does the dentist have to take an x-ray of my teeth? They right there, bro!

May 20, 2026

So crazy to just be living every day through the slow-motion car crash of escalating fascism, and it’s still like, “Aww, man, I have to go to the dentist.”

May 19, 2026

I hate taking my pants off at the dentist. So humiliating.

May 19, 2026

Cleaning the kitchen, but saw the laundry, so I watered a plant, and now I’m making a dentist appointment.

Mar 31, 2026

Asking my dentist a question, but sticking my fingers in his mouth before he replies.

Mar 30, 2026

Perhaps the most universal American experience is your mom being like, “Wasn’t he such a good dentist? He’s in prison now.”

Mar 30, 2026