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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Old people like to golf every day because they are so sick of everyone’s shit and just wanna repeatedly whack something.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

I thought I had more straws. Sorry, turns out that was the last one.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

My diet was going really well until I woke up.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

If cartoons have taught us anything, it’s the uselessness of little umbrellas when plummeting from a cliff.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

Release that sexual frustration, get a burger.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

I think if you ask Kanye for a million at the right time, he’ll give it to you.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

If you’re going to give me some food for thought, it had better be a pizza, or I’m out.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Life hack: You can turn your ordinary sofa into a sofa bed by simply forgetting your wife’s birthday.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

Accidentally manifested an emotionally intelligent man that is hot and can cook. We’re currently staring at each other.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

The only narcissist I allow in my life is my cat.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

218 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,487

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,487

Jan 5, 2026

3,543

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

They won’t teach you this in school, but life is all about going to weird little diners.

Seen just now on Reddit:

And then there are those dates after which you think: “Have I really shaved my legs for this?”

Just shared via LinkedIn:

“I have a date with destiny.” Yeah well, I’m in a long-term relationship with the consequences of my actions.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Never signed up for a 401k cause there’s no way in hell I can run that far.

Making waves on WeChat:

Quitting my job to rock around the Christmas tree.

Just landed via Messenger:

NFTs were less about the money and more about the friends you scammed along the way.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Why is the Formula 1 so afraid of rain? Just drive with more caution. That’s what I always do when it rains.

Just shared via Twitch:

I’m 27 and a half. I should be on my first divorce by now.

Seen just now on Discord:

I got one brain cell left and it moves around my head like a Windows screensaver.

Just shared via Threads:

God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”

You aren’t from the Midwest unless you can spin out in the snow, regain control and keep driving like nothing happened.

2 months ago

0

You aren’t from the Midwest unless you can spin out in the snow, regain control and keep driving like nothing happened.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the Midwest – where our snow driving skills are on par with our donut-making abilities 🍩❄️ Just a quick spin, a graceful recovery, and we're back to our day like pros! Who needs a winter wonderland when you can have a winter circus? 🤹‍♂️ #MidwestPride"

control, culture, driving, experience, humor, keep, Midwest, nothing, skills, snow, spin, winter

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The fun thing about Airbnb is that you get to clean someone else’s house on your vacation.

0

2 months ago

Airbnb, clean, fun, house, humor, rental, someone, thing, travel, vacation
Vegans will look you dead in the eye and tell you cauliflower tastes like ribs.

0

2 months ago

cauliflower, dead, eye, food, humor, irony, joke, plant-based, ribs, taste, tell, vegan
Anyone know which wine pairs well with societal collapse?

0

2 months ago

collapse, crisis, existential, existential crisis, humor, know, pairing, satire, societal, societal collapse, well, wine
Jump to recipe is the closest thing we have to teleportation.

0

2 months ago

comedy, convenience, cooking, food, humor, jump, recipe, technology, teleportation, thing
Many fruits can be great names… but the real challenge is naming a child after a vegetable….

0

2 months ago

after, challenge, child, fruit, fruits, great, humor, name, names, naming, real, vegetable
I’ve learned two important things in life, I can’t remember the first one, but the second one is to write everything down.

0

2 months ago

everything, forgetfulness, humor, i, importance, important, lesson, life, life lesson, memory, remember, second, second lesson, things, writing

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on Twitch this month:

The lion is starting to concern himself with things he’s been trying to ignore.

62 shares on Threads this month:

Just because you are unique, doesn’t mean you are useful.

91 shares on Snapchat this month:

This entire year I was method acting. None of it was real. I was working on a bit.

39 shares on Messenger this month:

Go ahead. Order anything you want. Money is no object when we dine at IKEA.

79 shares on Twitch this month:

Euthanizing my Tamagotchi.

99 shares on Slack this month:

Eating cold ravioli counts as breakfast if you’re still wearing yesterday’s clothes.

88 shares on Instagram this month:

Unpopular opinion: a honeymoon is more needed 5 to 10 years down the road, versus right after getting married.

82 shares on TikTok this month:

Going out to eat and shopping by yourself is actually one of the most peaceful and therapeutic things ever.

54 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the first twelve digits of pi.

10 shares on TikTok this month:

You are my favorite dirty thought.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Boss: Why do I have to always come and find you? Me: Because a good employee is hard to find.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

When I’m in a good mood, I go to my blocked list and release one or two prisoners.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Maybe somewhere in a parallel universe, I wake up feeling refreshed and energetic each day.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry for acting weird, I am weird, and it will happen again.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

And for my next trick, I will turn yesterday’s sweatpants into today’s sweatpants.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

There is no ‘we’ in ‘food’.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

That awesome moment when you open the fridge and the first thing you see is the thing you wanted to eat.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Need a book club for people who all just happened to read the same book but hated it and now need to vent.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Actually, men should take the pill. It makes more sense to unload the gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

When life gives you lemons, take the lemons. They were a gift. Maybe life thought you liked lemons. Did you think about that? No, you’re always thinking about yourself.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

218 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,487

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,487

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,581

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

The cynicism of those who urge me not to do what I can to help the Nigerian royal family.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

Parallel lines have got so much in common, it’s a shame they’ll never meet.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Whatever happened calorically this weekend can never happen again.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Just saying “Think about it!” is enough to overwhelm many people these days.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

Some people should have read-only access to the internet.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

Outlook just asked me if I’m “enjoying” Microsoft Outlook. As if it’s not the Torment Portal.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Men love when you ask them to explain something to you. It is considered a sign of deep respect in their culture.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Roses are red. I’m going to bed.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

Monday: The only day when you can wear the same outfit from the day before without anyone noticing.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Pinterest:

Thought you guys should know this was only Monday. It’s also still Monday.

Making waves on Instagram:

Call your family now and ask them what the wifi password is, so they have time to find the little paper it’s written on before Thanksgiving.

Live now on Twitch:

I alway get the same thing every year for Christmas. Fat!

Going bananas on Reddit:

Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.

Going bananas on Instagram:

I should be able to eat one huge meal a month, like a snake. This every-few-hours shit sucks.

Freshly posted on X:

How come all the single people don’t need no one, and all the married ones need two?

Freshly posted on Instagram:

If I were karma, I’d watch my back.

Going viral on TikTok:

Doing dishes is like fighting a hydra — wash one, and two more appear.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Spice up your meltdown through interpretive dance.

Freshly posted on Slack:

The good old days, when you didn’t have to charge your watch and it didn’t constantly remind you how fat you were.

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Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴