89 Funny keep quotes

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  3 weeks ago

  View →: Y’all can keep the nonchalant ones — I want mine weak in the knees about me.
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  3 weeks ago

  View →: Damaged inside, but outside we keep it gangsta.
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  3 weeks ago

  View →: I need someone to convince me into or out of buying a jetski. I can’t keep living in this purgatory.
• 

  3 weeks ago

  View →: The lion can’t keep living like this.
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  3 weeks ago

  View →: I keep checking my phone like I mean something to somebody. Silly me.
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  4 weeks ago

  View →: Having a low quality camera will definitely force you to keep your life private.
• 

  1 month ago

  View →: I wish I could turn everyone I love into a trinket, so I can keep them forever, because I am greedy and selfish.
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  2 months ago

  View →: I don’t always say something stupid. But when I do, I keep talking and make it worse.
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  2 months ago

  View →: I keep myself humble by messing up all the time.
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  2 months ago

  View →: I’m scared to go to an art museum, because what if they decide to keep me?
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  2 months ago

  View →: Do men know they don’t have to keep their clothing until it disintegrates?
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  2 months ago

  View →: Adult friendships are like, “hey girl, let’s keep rescheduling to hangout until one of us dies.”
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  3 months ago

  View →: Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you’re up to.
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  3 months ago

  View →: If you show her you care, she will keep you as a spare.
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  3 months ago

  View →: And then I thought to myself, “What’s the point of cleaning if my family is going to keep living here?”
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  3 months ago

  View →: I lost my appetite for doing work. If you find it, you can keep it.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: So does everybody have a collection of grocery bags that you keep inside of a grocery bag?
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: An apple a day may keep the doctor away, but some silly a day keeps the boredom at bay.
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  4 months ago

  View →: I’m going to bed, everyone. Try to keep it down.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.
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  4 months ago

  View →: I love how every website has a “Keep me signed in on this computer” button and it’s just straight up bullshit.
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  4 months ago

  View →: I keep forgetting i’m at the age where people will tell me they’re pregnant and my reaction is supposed to be positive.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Getting up early would be easier if we could keep our eyes closed.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: Don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown. Ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: You aren’t from the Midwest unless you can spin out in the snow, regain control and keep driving like nothing happened.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: Keep posting, I’m diagnosing you.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: If you’re doing Dry January, please, please, keep it to yourself. Nobody cares, and you’re probably even more boring without alcohol.
• 

  4 months ago

  View →: I keep all my valuables near the front door so if burglars breaks in during the night they will not wake me up.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: It’s completely absurd that Silicon Valley is pushing AI on us before they figured out how to keep fries fresh for longer.
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: Despite all my rage, I still keep refreshing the page.

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