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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

Just flipped my mattress, should have woken up my wife first.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Heavy on the ‘mhm,’ cause people just be talking.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Sometimes, in the middle of eating a rotisserie chicken, I ask myself “did I just run a red light?”

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Alcohol and eye contact is a deadly combo.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

My new coffee table book, “Accidental Screenshots,” is available for pre-order now.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

If you want to experience hunger, go and live with a wealthy person or family.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

Letting the sun have its way with my freckles today.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

One thing about me is I don’t even need to get drunk to act a fool.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

I call my smoke detector Gordon Ramsay, because every time I cook it screams at me.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Spending all my money on lottery tickets so I’ll either be rich or poor, none of this wishy-washy stuff in the middle.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

245 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,514

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,514

Jan 7, 2026

3,555

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WhatsApp:

In a massage chair at the mall just moaning really loud.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Straighten your back and drink some water, you dehydrated banana.

Going bananas on Discord:

If I were a category, I’d be “miscellaneous.”

Shared recently on YouTube:

When someone sits in the empty seat beside you: flattered yet annoyed. When no one sits in the empty seat beside you: offended yet relieved.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Not to brag but I gave someone directions and he made it.

Going viral on Threads:

“Alcohol and beautiful women” is apparently not an appropriate answer when you are asked about your weaknesses in a job interview.

Breaking via Telegram:

Steve Jobs was a vibe coder. He just prompted Steve Wozniak.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Sometimes I’ll do a random act of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

The only exercise I done last month was running out of money.

Just landed via Slack:

I miss when 1K was a lot of money.

You look like something I drew with my left hand.

2 months ago

0

You look like something I drew with my left hand.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the artistic masterpiece reminiscent of a left-handed doodle 🎨🤪! It's like abstract art meets chaos theory 🌀. Who knew creativity could be so liberating and confusing at the same time? Bravo for embracing the unconventional, darling! 👏😜"

appearance, art, drawing, funny appearance, hand, humor, i, insult, left, left hand, self-deprecation

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Most of my shoulder workout comes from shrugging when people ask me questions.

0

2 months ago

ask, exercise, fitness, humor, me, most, people, question, questions, sarcasm, shoulder, shoulder workout, shrug, workout
I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.

0

2 months ago

abuse, dying, humor, i, me, people, sarcasm
Female dragonflies will fake their own deaths to avoid mating with unwanted males. They are like, “Ugh, here comes Carl again. Play dead, girl!“

0

2 months ago

again, animal, animal defense, avoid, avoidance, behavior, dead, death, deaths, defense, dragonfly, fake, fake death, female, female behavior, girl, here, humor, mating, nature, own, play, ugh, unwanted
I should’ve existed as a tree.

0

3 months ago

choices, existed, existence, humor, i, identity, life, life choices, nature, tree
My ego is bruised so I’m going to ice it with some cold beer.

0

2 months ago

beer, bruised, cold, cold beer, drinking, ego, going, humor, ice, relaxation, self-care
When you wish you could tell someone that won’t stop talking “Okay, we’re out of time today”, just like a therapist.

0

2 months ago

awkwardness, conversation, cues, humor, just, okay, social, social cues, someone, stop, talking, tell, therapist, time, today, wish

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

80 shares on Discord this month:

My whole life just flashed before my eyes and there was way too much pizza.

26 shares on TikTok this month:

I’ve been closer to death than a stable relationship.

18 shares on WeChat this month:

Mad that so many renaissance artists were named after ninja turtles.

42 shares on WeChat this month:

Some folks go to college to delay being a bum.

10 shares on Discord this month:

I asked myself if I was toxic and we said no.

61 shares on Twitch this month:

You can always gauge my mood by the type of animal videos I share: sweet puppy videos or a cat smacking the shit out of someone.

64 shares on Facebook this month:

Schrodinger’s Immigrant: A person who is simultaneously too lazy to work, but is also stealing your job.

74 shares on YouTube this month:

When the devil couldn’t reach me, he made my brain my biggest enemy.

93 shares on WeChat this month:

It’s so foggy outside. Y’all gotta stop vaping.

91 shares on Slack this month:

Remember when Mustangs were muscle cars and not an embarrassment to the name.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Can we skip to the rich part?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Halloween is a big day for dogs who love to absolutely lose their shit when the doorbell rings.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

My mom asked me to hand out invitations for my brother’s surprise birthday party, and that’s when I realized he was the favorite twin.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Musk goes “exactly,” and it’s the stupidest tweet you’ve ever read in your entire life.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Handing the bus driver a $50 bill and telling him “Just drive”.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

True luxury is sleeping until you wake up by yourself.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

When I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean accountable.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Of course I stay hydrated. Carbohydrated.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s important to listen to both sides of the debate because you need to hear both the reality of the situation and also the dumbest thing anyone’s ever said.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Can’t believe, as a kid, I thought 21-year-olds had their lives figured out.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

245 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,514

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,514

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,598

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

Ignored the small door that appeared in my apartment three days ago, and now it’s gone. That’s how it’s done.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

To be clear, when I said I was looking for “growth,” I meant in salary, not in workload and stress levels.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

I love reaching into my messy bag looking for something and everyone around me hears like glass breaking and bombs going off and a cat meowing from inside there.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

Who would have thought that eating a can of beans would backfire like this?

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

In England “booster shot” is spelled “borchestershire shot”.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Just checked my bank account. Looks like everyone’s getting well wishes for Christmas.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

Just paid rent. Now I have a place to starve in.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

If adulting had a return policy, I’d use it immediately.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Touch my butt, not my coffee.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

Sledding is the best! (until you have to walk back up the hill)

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

It’s funny how our brains remember that we have forgotten something, but not what we have forgotten.

Just shared via Reddit:

Happiness is when you really have nothing to do with people you want absolutely nothing to do with.

Trending via Discord:

Striking gold in your 40s: finding a close parking spot that’s in the shade on a hot summer day.

Spotted on Telegram:

Death by a thousand stupid questions.

Going viral on Reddit:

There should be a special rating system for movies that tells you how uncomfortable you’ll be if you watch them with your parents.

Making waves on Twitch:

I am physically, mentally and emotionally ready to enter a new phase in my life…. hibernation.

Just shared via Slack:

The T in depression stands for the therapy places that are immediately available.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Childbirth seems like an awful lot of work for an already saturated market.

Just shared via Telegram:

Even at my most powerful, I’m still a little sleepy.

Spotted on Threads:

This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

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