I need to hire someone to just constantly slap food out of my hand.

I need to hire someone to just constantly slap food out of my hand.

Commentary:
“Why hire someone when you can just develop a self-slapping mechanism? 🤚🍔 It’s the ultimate diet plan – guaranteed to keep those midnight snack cravings at bay! 😂 #HandSlapDiet”

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Me, as a therapist: “OMG, me too!”

    Commentary:
    “Me, as a therapist: ‘OMG, me too!’ 🤦‍♂️ Well, at least we’re all in this together! 😂 #therapistproblems”

  • Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs love handles when you’ve got snacks to hold on to? 🍔🍟 Looks like this is a case of sacrificing intimacy for instant noodles. 🍜🤷‍♂️ Embracing the foodie life, one bite at a time… even if it means struggling with zippers. 👖😂 #FoodieProblems”

  • Does anyone know if it’s possible to buy the transcripts of audiobooks? Thanks!

    Commentary:
    Ah, the age-old mystery of trying to buy transcripts for audiobooks. 📜🎧 Maybe the real treasure was the words we transcribed along the way! 🤓💬 Who needs audio when you can read the novelization of the narrator’s dramatic pauses? 😜📖 #TranscriptTreasureHunt

  • I can’t really explain it but cereal at night tastes better than cereal in the morning.

    Commentary:
    “Who knew that a simple bowl of cereal could have a curfew and a taste preference? 🌙🥣 Forget breakfast for dinner, it’s all about midnight munchies in cereal town! 😂”

  • I’m going to die from jealousy one day.

    Commentary:
    “Oh, don’t worry, jealousy may be deadly but it’s not the leading cause of death just yet! 😂 Just remember, comparison is the thief of joy! 🙅‍♂️💀”

  • 90% of my thoughts start with: “What can I eat now?”

    Commentary:
    “Looks like someone has a stomach that thinks louder than their brain 🤣🍔🧠 Grab a snack and maybe the remaining 10% of thoughts will be about something else! #FoodieMind”