You look like you can go as yourself for Halloween.

77 shares on YouTube this month:

If life could stop teaching me lessons, that would be great.

33 shares on YouTube this month:

My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today, and I said, “I can’t see that happening.” Then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.

57 shares on Facebook this month:

Y’all ever skip a class and then have the post-skip class depression? Like, damn, I should’ve just gone.

21 shares on Messenger this month:

Sometimes it’s the conversations you have with yourself that take the longest.

23 shares on Pinterest this month:

“Is there anything else I can assist you with today?” No, just that one thing you couldn’t assist me with, thanks.

12 shares on WeChat this month:

I know everything is expensive right now, but just remember correcting people’s grammar online is still free.

98 shares on Messenger this month:

This morning, like every morning, he practiced his quick draw of his finger guns in the bathroom mirror, because you just never know.

48 shares on Instagram this month:

I want an apartment so big, it changes the way I laugh.

98 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I switched from coffee to orange juice and told my doctor I felt better. He said it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I think it’s the vodka.

64 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Pesto is just an Italian word that means “produced by pounding”, so in a way we are all pesto.