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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

Hey, you wanna come to a wedding with me? You could be the groom.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

Stereotypes are like mass graves. They’re both offensive ways to lump groups of people together.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

The world was better off when street gangs settled things with choreographed dance battles.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Those security guards at the Samsung store are Guardians of the Galaxy.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

I’m bored, but not “read a book for fun” bored.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Beware. There are people in the grocery store that you know who want to chat with you. Stay vigilant.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

Saving up ketchup packets in the fridge so I can one day open my own restaurant.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

494 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,087

Funny Quotes Topics

17,241

Funny Quotes Images

15,087

Updated

Dec 19, 2025

Users Online

3,922

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Threads:

I don’t get vegetables on my pizza because I don’t like mixing business with pleasure.

Spotted on Telegram:

My employer is totally caring. They pay so poorly that I can’t afford to have an alcohol or drug problem.

Just landed via Reddit:

Friends with no kids are like: Want to go to New Zealand this Friday?

Live now on Pinterest:

Boys are disgusting. Can’t believe I like these things.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

My biggest motivation for getting out of bed in the morning is knowing that I will eventually be able to get back in the bed.

Freshly posted on Discord:

No, I wasn’t dancing. I got harassed by a bumble bee.

Breaking via YouTube:

As you get older, you suddenly realize that the Smurf who hates everything is the normal one.

Your suitcase just texted. It’s getting bored.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Hope it doesn't start browsing for better travel partners! 🧳😂✈️

bored, boredom, communication, getting, humor, just, luggage, message, suitcase, text, travel

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The egg doesn’t swim to the sperm, girl. Never chase a man.

1 month ago

advice, biology, chase, dating, egg, girl, humor, man, never, relationship, relationship advice, sperm, swim
Money saved by using public transport instead of an Uber is paid for with your time and mental health instead.

2 months ago

commute, health, mental, mental health, money, paid, public, public transport, saved, saving, stress, time, transport, transportation, Uber, using
Nobody says “boom shakalaka” like they used to.

1 month ago

boom, boom shakalaka, expression, humor, nobody, nostalgia, phrase, say, shakalaka, used
The sole purpose of some household items is to make it impossible for you to open the damn drawer.

1 month ago

drawer, frustration, household, household item, humor, impossible, item, items, open, purpose
If only vehicles could be equipped with little blinky lights on the corners to alert other drivers the direction they wished to turn.

1 month ago

alert, blinky, blinky light, direction, drivers, humor, light, lights, little, traffic, turn, vehicle
Give us this day our daily internet validation.

1 month ago

daily, day, give, humor, internet, life, media, modern, modern life, prayer, social, social media, us, validation

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

My favorite emails are the ones that say your order has shipped.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

Just found out that rock bottom has a basement.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

If you’re a squatter, every day is leg day.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

Why are “hemorrhoids” not called “assteroids”?

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

If I ever say “with all due respect”, please understand that there is none.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Thanksgiving and Christmas should be six months apart. Absurd to see those people again so soon. Insane.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Discord:

One of my biggest fears during a zombie apocalypse is having to sleep without a fan.

Spotted on Pinterest:

If she replies to your sarcasm with more sarcasm, that’s a whole life.

Breaking via YouTube:

My New Years resolutions are to do some things, and stop doing some other things.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Few things in life are as disappointing as having to poop right after a shower.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Calling someone a “tough cookie” is not a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.

Going bananas on Telegram:

I like my messages, how I like my nuts – MIXED.

Broadcasted on Slack:

I thought my wrinkles were finally getting smaller, but it turns out my eyes were just getting worse.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Your suitcase just texted. It’s getting bored.

The egg doesn’t swim to the sperm, girl. Never chase a man.

Money saved by using public transport instead of an Uber is paid for with your time and mental health instead.

Nobody says “boom shakalaka” like they used to.

The sole purpose of some household items is to make it impossible for you to open the damn drawer.

If only vehicles could be equipped with little blinky lights on the corners to alert other drivers the direction they wished to turn.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I think I’ma end the year with a plot twist, everyone hold on tight.

I remember sex. That was cool.

I don’t know much about women, but they love containers that hold smaller containers.

I could have been somebody if I’d been somebody else.

Another day without sex, but a mosquito just sucked on my neck and I moaned a little bit.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my horniest.

Trying to squeeze in more nothingness today, but my schedule is already packed with procrastination!

We use our phones to watch videos that remind us of what life was like before we had phones.

I miss when men had big hair, louder feelings, and leaned over cars to declare their love.

My favourite animal is me when I have money.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I named my dog “5 Miles,” so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day.

Harmonicas are basically for people who like to hear music while they spit.

Please don’t leave me to my own devices. They’re all out of batteries.

A relationship is like a shark, it looks better on TV.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Do I work hard? No. But do I work smart to compensate. Absolutely not.

It’s truly insane when bosses assume their employees are working for any reason other than a paycheck.

Don’t fall for me — I’ll treat you right, and you’ll get bored and cheat.

The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.

I have absolutely no desire to stay in the loop.

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Your suitcase just texted. It’s getting bored.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

The egg doesn’t swim to the sperm, girl. Never chase a man.

Money saved by using public transport instead of an Uber is paid for with your time and mental health instead.

Nobody says “boom shakalaka” like they used to.

The sole purpose of some household items is to make it impossible for you to open the damn drawer.

If only vehicles could be equipped with little blinky lights on the corners to alert other drivers the direction they wished to turn.

Give us this day our daily internet validation.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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