Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • I’m implementing a new policy in my house: any child who is awake past bedtime can either go to sleep or clean the house, no exceptions.
  • She calls me Anthony Bourdain because I eat her parts unknown, no reservations.
  • Proposing at someone else’s wedding is out. Die at their funeral like a real man.
  • So apparently they don’t count as sit-ups if you’re just trying to get out of bed.
  • Date night idea: fight another couple.
  • Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely touched your unread books.