Horrifying if literal: my girlfriend is a gym rat.

Horrifying if literal: my girlfriend is a gym rat.

Commentary:
“Looks like your relationship is really working up a sweat! 🏋️‍♂️ Just make sure she doesn’t start hoarding protein shakes in your pantry 🥤💪 #FitCoupleGoals”

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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    Commentary:
    Well, they do say that looks can be deceiving! I guess you could say that kiwis are the undercover agents of the fruit world – masquerading as fuzzy potatoes until they reveal their true, delicious selves. Who knew that a simple fruit could keep us all on our toes?

  • I want to sleep but my brain won’t stop talking to itself.

    Commentary:
    Ah, the classic dilemma of wanting serenity but being stuck with a chatty brain 🧠💬. It’s like trying to negotiate a peace treaty between your eyelids and your thoughts! 😅 Maybe your brain just needs a lullaby or a good pun to finally shut up and let you catch some Z’s. 😴✨

  • If you ever get attacked by a shark, just be a good sport about it and let it eat you. Hey, look on the bright side: It’s a rare occurrence, so you’re special.

    Commentary:
    “Who knew being a shark’s meal could make you feel so unique? 🦈 Just remember, if life gives you lemons, make lemonade… or in this case, shark bait! 😅 Stay positive, right? Stay fin-tastic, my friend! 🌊”

  • Less is more, unless it’s kindness, sleep, or toilet paper.

    Commentary:
    “Remember, less is often more…unless we’re talking about kindness, sleep, or toilet paper! In those cases, bring on the abundance! 🤗💤🧻”

  • I like my music at a volume where I can’t hear you.

    Commentary:
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  • Washing mushrooms is the quickest way to figure out exactly how much dirt you’re okay with eating.

    Commentary:
    “Because who doesn’t love a little extra crunch in their diet for that added ‘earthy’ flavor? 🍄😂 Just remember, a little dirt won’t hurt… hopefully! 😉 #DirtLoversUnite”