Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Give it to me straight, doc, what can I do to be healthier besides changing my entire lifestyle?
  • Christmas combines two things I love the most, getting fat and lying to children.
  • At my age I don’t sleep, I nap between pee breaks.
  • I always bring a glass of water to bed with me so I have something to knock over in the middle of the night.
  • When I turned into the harbor of marriage, I didn’t know that a warship was anchored there.
  • One day my kids will move out and discover the dishes don’t clean themselves and I feel for them. I really do.